Cancer after being recently widowed. Struggling without DH

[Thirdtimeunlucky2025]

DH passed just over a year ago having had leukaemia for many years. He was my rock, my everything, my world. He’d nursed me through radio and chemo fifteen years or so ago. We lived in each other’s pockets most happily.

i was diagnosed with breast cancer just before Christmas and around the time of what would have been DH’s birthday.

I has the lump removed just before Christmas and was not great over the Christmas period, just finished some radiotherapy, had a crappy reaction to a treatment I needed and just feel worn out, meh, and probably depressed.

I feel I’ve gone badly backwards regarding my grief, and seem to be getting more and more upset and unwell every time I need to attend hospital, to the point where I feel extremely lightheaded and awful. (Im at the same hospital as DH was, being treated by a lot of the same lovely dr’s and nurses).

I can’t help but wonder if some of the issues I am suffering with are some sort of grief, and not necessarily related to treatment, as the dr says he’s not seen anything like what my symptoms are presenting. I’ve only wondered since I got home today and am wondering if anyone in a similar situation to mine may have felt the same?

I would say grief is definitely a factor, I've had an awful time this year with a collapsed lung, I'm on my 4th hospital stay currently. Just about 1/2 of this year so far spent in hospital... I've started sertraline which has really helped with this current stay , the staff who came across me last time 2 weeks ago have also commented on it. Before I was a tearful mess, I feel I'm coping a lot better.

wishing you all the best with your treatments

Oh my goodness, you’ve had a huge amount to process.
no wise words from me, I wish I had some.
I had BC last year but I can’t imagine going through that with DH.
it’s little wonder you’re finding it all so hard to process.
It sounds like you haven’t been able to catch a breath between your husbands illness and your own 😢
Hope you have a lot of love around you 💐

Im so sorry for your loss and your health difficulties.
Going through the treatment you are going through whilst having has such a lot of pain and grief to process is very difficult and its bound to show itself.
Ive been a nurse for 30 yrs and hospitals have always been a safe place for me, but after losing my husband to bowel cancer i felt light headed and unstable on even entering a hospital for minor treatment. Almost like ptsd panicking.I do think the body keeps the emotional score .
I think the enormity of loss and grief do take a toll and everything is forever seen and experienced through he filter of grief.
What you have endured is hard to comprehend.
I dont have any advice other than i hope you have some support around you IRL and wish you well and hope you recover swiftly.
Virtual hugs xx

hi, we’ve already met on the other bc thread. I think it sounds like grief. Its an awful lot to have gone through in the last 14 months and 14 months is nothing when you loose someone so close to you , it must be still so very raw. This is my third time with BC and my relatively new gp immediately prescribed some anti anxiety tablets. I’ve never had them before but they have helped my through this period..of feeling as you say ‘meh’ and ‘where am i going to get the strength from’ and just general anxiety of going back to the same hospital and waiting rooms etc etc . I’ve had my op and feeling less like I need them for now ( 🤞 ) . Would something like that help you muddle through this cancer episode, just until you get back on track ?
Wishing you all the very best and sending a big warm handhold

You poor thing - what a rotten sequence of events. I’m sure you’re suffering from some kind of trauma regarding being treated in the same hospital that your husband was treated in (possibly PTSD?) Are you receiving any talking therapy alongside your cancer treatment? Sending you very un-MNy hugs and flowers 🌺

Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

I’m going to have a word with my GP first but I think cancer counselling maybe right for me.

Sending you so much love and best wishes OP. What an awful time you’ve had. I hope you have people around you to support you?

I am so sorry about your husband. Grief, as I am sure you know, isn't linear but circular, we move through stages but often end up back in one we thought done and dusted, triggered by an event or a place. It is no wonder you are struggling, you have been through a lot of traumatic experiences in such a short amount of time - and it is an incredibly short time. Counselling sounds wise, leaning on those who want to support you, whatever it takes to help you cope. I hope your next visit is more bearable and the treatment over soon.