FIL diagnosed advanced metastatic PC

[Boymummy2015]

Hi all
I will try to keep this brief... FIL has recent been diagnosed with Metastatic Prostate Cancer in his pelvic bones & lymph nodes had all relevant scans and PSA test etc (PSA was over 200) and has started on hormone tablets and first injection is due next week.
Needless to say it has been a very difficult and emotional couple of weeks and with lots more appointments to come we are still a little in the dark etc. HE naturally wants to know "how long" but no one yet wants to commit to this information but he due to see the Oncologist who they have said may be able to give some idea :( they have told him they believe he has had it for around 4 years without knowing :(

My DH is an only child and is really struggling to come to terms with the diagnosis and I am trying to be there as much as I can for him, FIL and MIL. I am struggling abit myself as I am really close to my inlaws and have always been close with FIL so it's a lot to take in. However, we have 3 DC aged 15/10 & 7 all close in their own ways to DGP but eldest especially to her DGD. People locally already know and I am beside myself with worry if the children hear about it from others but right now we are still processing and still waiting on lots of information so its not the time to tell them and tbh I don't know where to even start with it and then the fall out from it too.

Can anyone provide any help?

Still pick up and stuff and keeping them in the dark will just mean they will be guessing what is happening.

Absolutely tell them
they’re able to understand you don’t have all the information yet. Dont risk them finding out somewhere else

Can you talk to a clinical nurse specialist? There’s often one in the team and they are often expert at handling this kind of thing, or will be able to put you in touch with someone who can advise you.

Please tell them that their grandfather is ill. Try to be factual, don't give them false hope, but maybe be clear that it's often impossible to know exactly what will happen. It's best it comes from you rather than a kind person outside the family expressing concern.
I hope you receive the best news possible.

I went to a funeral a couple of weeks ago, a family friend, diagnosed in 2023, given roughly 4 years.

He was a DF, DS, DGF, DB and more! Very very sad, but memories that I came away from that funeral with, were the young people, the young adults, teenagers and the little ones.

Their great DGF, is in hospital with weeks to
live, they are preparing to do it over again.

Not yet, give yourself sometime, speak to your DH and when you know more, as @loislovesstewie says tell them that DGF is ill and answer their questions.

For more of the emotional support, please see if the hospital has a Macmillan centre or a maggies centre both provide excellent support for all the family. The clinical nurse specialist will be more than happy to talk things through and next steps. Things will become clearer with regards to treatments when you see the oncologist.

That is so sad made me cry reading your post. Thank you for your words of advice ❤️

Thank you all for your words and advice there is a Cancer nurse who he seen yesterday and I believe he and mil will be put intouch with macmillen. His appt for the oncologist has come through thats early next week so hopefully we will find out more from this.

So sorry lost my Dad of this when it went from his prostate to his bones. Thinking of you xxx

Please tell them, especially the 15 year old

I’d tell them before someone else mentions it.
Children aren’t stupid, they will realise something is going on. Hope the appointment goes well, treatment is improving all the time.

My dad has prostate cancer, which had spread to lymph nodes and bones by the time they found it 3 years ago. At the time they said he had a year to do what he wanted before he got too ill, so I’m guessing that’s standard.
He started hormone treatment and is still well, and was recently told 5-10 years because he responded so well. Obviously that’s not standard, but I’d say plan for a year if he’s still well, but it could be much longer.

Just tell them.

I went through four episodes of cancer with my parents (two each!) and my big takeaway is that there’s no certainty.

It’s not like the telly, where someone says ‘you have a year’, and then it all unfolds to plan. It’s messy, unpredictable and difficult. So you won’t ever have perfect clarity about what’s happening.

Helping them feel comfortable with the uncertainty is part of your job now.

My dad had prostate cancer in his bones. When he was diagnosed, he was given 5 years and that's what he got. Initially he was very unwell then lost a lot of weight. Then he had a spell of reasonable health before he deteriorated.