To feel like once you've had one or both parents with a diagnosis of cancer, that it is never possible to ever feel safe in your own body or secure in your own health ever again/psychological knock-on effects

[Eviestar17]

I was anxious before this about my health , my dad has mesothelioma and I know that i actually don't have any genetic or inherited disposition to the same cancer because it is literally caused by asbestos exposure(Johnson and Johnson talcum powder in the 70s-90s) . I know that nobody wants this to happen to them and that my parents don't deliberately want me to feel stressed or upset. But, at points I struggle to get on with my parents, particularly my mum, and after a lot of looking back over my childhood when I wasn't a particularly well behaved/was a "difficult" child due to struggling to manage my anxiety and emotions, I sometimes often feel like let's say if my mum did find a breast lump or a breast abnormality or had been given a breast cancer diagnosis, that I am such an "evil" and shitty person that I deserve to not be informed if i had a risk of getting inherited breast cancer and that I deserve to be sat there in my bedroom constantly obsessing in my head over being convinced that there's a breast cancer mutation in our family and in my mum's family etc. I get the sense that I annoy my parents when I bring up my feelings around not feeling like I can ever have any security in my health, so I usually just isolate myself and stay away from family and friends. I went to the GP about a month ago and was told that my breasts felt normal when I had a physical examination, however since then , over the past few days I've noticed a small-medium sized area of dry skin/slight redness on the upper part of my left breast. Going online, virtually every website says its going to be caused by IBC, so now, after a week or so of managing to cope with the urges to constantly obsessively pull and search for lumps in my breasts, its started up again because of the rash/redness. I'm 26, and my mum is 54, but I don't feel reassured because I know that breast cancers in younger women are almost always much more brutal, aggressive and untreatable, due to certain situational factors such as the fact that mammograms and other forms of check ups aren't recommended or associated with being required by younger women.

Both my parents and both my DH parents - all 4 diagnosed with cancer. 2 dead, one nearly dead and one surviving. We have 2 dc as well, born before the shit hit the fan with cancer. All 4 of their grandparents have/had different cancers so a nice coverage of the cancer shit show.

I guess all you can do is be vigilant and make sure you live in the present. I do presume, as does dh, that cancer will come to get both of us.

How old are you - pre/post meno as that matters a lot for mammography.

Sorry, I just saw you are 26, so a mammogram likely is no good.

I've also not had my period come for this month, and I've never had sexual intercourse. This is just causing me a lot of stress and i feel embarrassed at the idea of booking another GP appointment. But my life is literally dominated by health anxiety, I didn't finish uni and dropped out of my course six months in because i had the mind-set of if someone goes to uni and then they find a huge lump in their breast 2 years down the line and then they can't complete their course, what is the logical point

It sounds like you have significant health anxiety, and that it is this, rather than your parents' diagnoses, that is responsible for the distress you are feeling.

You say that your parents are annoyed when you "bring up my feelings around not feeling like I can ever have any security in my health. " Could this be (at least partly) because you are not separating your health anxiety from the serious illness that one or both of them is suffering from? Your dad is suffering from significant ill health and so it might be quite challenging for them if you centre your own personal health worries in the context of his/their illnesses.

That's not to say that you don't deserve support for your health anxiety. But perhaps parents with cancer aren't the best people to provide this. Have you talked to your doctor about it?

I think that you need to deal with the anxiety first, and your strained relationship with your parents. Please try to access some counselling.

Both my parents died of different cancers, in their 80s. I survived a third cancer.
( currently in my 60s) I am fit , healthy, and pretty much back to normal.

Please don’t let this fear spoil your life.

Well, cancer is scary, very. My dad died of lung cancer when i was 15 (he was 56), my mum developed a lyposarcoma that left her disabled when I was 24. I always thought at some point in life some cancer would kill me. My cardiologist uncle pointed out that they may cure the cancer and I might die run over by a bus. I appreciated his correction. But believe me, my mum has developed alzheimer´s disease, and I wouldn´t wish it on my worst enemy. The anxiety, worry and that deep unsettled feeling that alzheimer´s has brought to my mother´s and our lives is 1000 times worse. I´d take the cancer any day.

Well, one in two of us will get cancer, so your suggested scenario is very common. Both DH and I have had cancer each twice in our early 50s. Both of DH’s parents and all his grandparents died of cancer. Of my grandmother, she and all six siblings died of various cancers, most commonly breast cancer.

However, you seem to have health anxiety, and that’s a different scenario altogether.

Both my parents and my sister have cancer (Dad, prostate), or had cancer (Mum, skin cancer, Dad skin cancer, sis breast cancer). All are still with us, aged 60 and 80. Lifestyle factors play a part, not just genetics.

We have known cancer genes in our family (after the deaths of several relatives in my parents’ generation in their 40s) and those who are carriers of the genes don’t feel like you describe at all. They are very much of the carpe diem mentality. I would suggest seeing your GP for help with the anxiety. You don’t have to feel like this.
The patch of skin you describe is likely irritated by your repeated self-examinations.

OP I think you've posted before with your obsession with having breast cancer.
If you go to your GP go about the anxiety not an imaginary lump.

I don't think it's your parents that's the problem. Older people get cancer, lots of them. Your poor mum hasn't even had breast cancer and you seem to be holding her responsible for your anxiety.

I have had breast cancer and while it's not fun it's curable in most cases. I check my breasts once a month, set a reminder for the 1st and never at any other time (if you are pre-menopause you should check four weekly). This is particularly important when you are young as hormones affect them.

If it helps, both my Dad's parents died from cancer but my dad didn't.

Both of mine killed by Cancer. I was never under the impression they were immortal, so something was going to kill them at some point. In a way I'm relieved I didn't have to watch them go out slowly with Dementia or similar, so irrespective of what, precisely, did for them, I just see it as part and parcel of being human and reiterating that nobody lives for ever.

Made me more aware of my own advancing years if anything, but not any more concerned about what is going to finish me off when the time comes.

Both of my parents have had cancer (dad died from stage 4 lung cancer, a month from diagnosis to death, and my mum had stage 3 endometrial cancer, she’s still ticking). I also currently have cancer, probably will eventually kill me too.

Go get support for yourself. You are so lucky to be healthy and well. I’d trade places for a bit of anxiety any day! Go be grateful for what you have and live your life.

didn't finish uni and dropped out of my course six months in because i had the mind-set of if someone goes to uni and then they find a huge lump in their breast 2 years down the line and then they can't complete their course, what is the logical point

go to the dr or a therapist if you can afford privately and talk to them about how health anxiety is ruining your life. I had cancer last year, I’m fairly young for it, life goes on for many people with cancer, it is not an automatic death sentence, I actually did an open university course through my treatment. Health anxiety is so so tough, but getting that anxiety under control will help you so much.