How to support a colleague having treatment

[NigelForage]

Hello ! lovely colleague, young, off for awhile having treatment and at work we want to do something fun distracting but suitable for them.
We've done the whole gift collection stuff. What would you have liked?

To be able to get on with my work and forget that I had cancer for a few hours every day!!! Honestly stop going on about it and reminding them about their cancer!! This isn’t about you!! Most of all what we want when we have cancer or illness is to forget about it and be treated NORMALLY!!

Im going to disagree with the poster above. If shes been off then I think something from all of you will be a really lovely way of showing her she’s still part of your team.
I think things they will like will be personal, and depend on their energy levels/interests/what they already have. Is there someone in their family you could approach for ideas?

I think you've misunderstood this, we are trying to show care and love and that we miss them

No, we've already done a gift, but I was thinking of something fun or novel. They are the life and soul of the party and I know from texting them they keep very much up-to-date with what's going on in work.

Could you do some sort of fun video where everyone has a little something to say , caring and we miss you but with some fun and inside office jokes? I had flowers and cards , books scarves , earrings etc it was just nice that people were thinking about me. What I personally enjoyed the most was chatting on the phone ( or face to face) about other stuff, office gossip anything except cancer or going out for a walk or lunch if I was up to it.One thing that really helped me with chemo sessions were good headphones as I’d listen to music and drift .

How about a play list? You each choose a song that makes you think of them in a fun way?

When one of my work friends was off having cancer treatment, we set up a list so that someone called every day for a chat. It was completely voluntary and some people were on the list more often than others but I hope it helped her stay in touch and still feel part of the team.

A link to a suitable fun video, endorphins help if treatment brings pain.

A simple “ how are you, fancy a coffee or a walk? I have cancer, none of my colleagues bother with me. They treat me as though I don’t exist and I’m a bit hurt as I’m having a god awful time with chemo. Doubt I will be alive to return to work so they can all fuck off

I think that sending something that reminds them that they were the life and soul of the party when they are having treatment will only remind them more of how their circumstances have changed and how ill they are. There is very little likelihood that they want to “do” anything much atm.

Could you make a daft video of you all doing a song and dance routine to something like 'want you back' (jackson 5) or 'back for good' which will make them laugh, especially if you change the words?

That sounds awful, and I'm sorry you've got cancer.

Is it possible your colleagues are frightened of saying the wrong thing and are cowering away in silence but thinking of you and ofcourse hoping you make it back to work?

I don’t know, out of sight out of mind maybe? It’s incredibly hurtful as I worked hard and l just feel that no one really cares. Perhaps we are all just “numbers” at the end of the day? If I did get back to work, things would be awkward I feel.

Thank you @Nonamelass that's exactly what I'm thinking they'd like

Ooh @IndigoBabblethis is cool!

I'm sorry @Enigma54

What about offering to meet her and take her for a coffee or lunch? Just to keep in touch.

My line manager and immediate colleagues were absolutely awful when I was off. Truly didn’t give a shit. When I eventually had to leave my job, I didn’t so much as get a leaving card. It was like I died. They just shut my email down and didn’t acknowledge me anymore.

But I have a couple colleagues who are lovely (previous team) and we’ve kept in touch. I’d be tickled if they offered to take me for a coffee. It feels intrusive asking because they are busy working and I am not. But it would be nice if someone suggested it. I’d love to see them.

This is very much my experience now. No one gives a shit. It’s horrid.

Yes I think that often in the beginning every one rallies round ( if you’re lucky) but after that it sort of becomes old news and people get on with their lives except of course very close family if you have one and the odd good friend . I’ve had cancer twice over the years ( and waiting atm for test results to settle my fate on a third worrisome lump grr) so given that experience I do try to keep in touch when someone is ill. I also think that sometimes people feel they are being intrusive or that you already have enough people supporting you. Either way , agreed , it’s shit !