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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

MIL terminal diagnosis - how do you get through it?

7 replies

tinselvestsparklepants · 23/11/2025 14:27

Just needing a space to share that my MIL has just has a terminal diagnosis with a 3-4 month prognosis. We have a tiny family - there is only my DH and I (no children), my mum died last year, my DH's brother died in July. That leaves two Dads and one (absent) sister between us. I'm just so sad for all of us - for my FIL and DH especially. My MIL is a very kind woman, we get one well, and I'll be very sorry to lose her. But I'm also feeling increasingly - I don't know, is angry the right word - that after two losses we now have another one and it's COMING, so we know that Christmas and the New Year are going to be really, really sad. This summer was incredibly sad with DH's brother dying suddenly, now this is going to be really sad... I'm exhausted and I know DH is as well. I don't know - how do people get through this when it all comes at once, and how do you make the last few months 'good', not just for the person will the illness but for those closest? I think I need tips, I don't think I have the resilience left to get through this one. I have already openly wept in the supermarket when a stupid Christmas song came on. I just want to hibernate and wake up in the spring and not have to deal with all of this, but I know I need to - and while this post sounds very selfish, I do love everyone dearly so am posting this in a 'putting on my own oxygen mask first' kind of a way.

OP posts:
GreenGodiva · 23/11/2025 14:34

I’m so sorry to hear this. Unfortunately though we just have to get through it on a daily basis. It’s hard and shit but we crack on. In your shoes I’d Uriah your gp practice and see if they offer any therapy services to help you through.

Cynic17 · 23/11/2025 14:54

You get through it because you have to - it's not optional. Make sure that all the practical issues are covered - where she wants to die, funeral wishes, paperwork etc. Access all the assistance that you can - there are some good charities out there, who can help.

We had exactly the same situation a few years ago and I have to say that, as the daughter-in-law, it will be up to you to shoulder much of the practical stuff, because your role is to support your husband, as well as your MIL. It's also important to give your husband and FIL their space, if needed, because the focus has to be on them.
Good luck, OP - and you will be fine.

tinselvestsparklepants · 24/11/2025 11:48

Thanks all. Much appreciated. I've found a cancer support group in their town today which is helpful and having just been through another family death on their side I know a lot of the practicalities. But yes, it's just something that has to be got through, isn't it?

OP posts:
disappointed101 · 26/11/2025 08:43

I just lost my dad. You just have to take it day by day as a previous poster said. You will probably be on autopilot. Spend as much time with her as you can but at the same time be kind to yourself and take a break from it whatever that may look like. For me it was going for a walk or watching crappy tv. Some things will have to wait and don’t be afraid to say no. I’m sorry you are going through so much loss. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel without guilt

Letmehaveabloodyusernameplease · 28/11/2025 19:11

Hi OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been there and the best thing you can do is just to take one day at a time.
Often, at times like this, you find an inner strength which gets you through.
Also, make sure to look after yourself too right now.
It's a hard road to walk 💐

CandyCaneKisses · 28/11/2025 19:13

I’m so sorry. Seek professional support for you, DH and FIL.

MrsLizzieDarcy · 28/11/2025 19:21

Anticipatory grief is very real. My Dad was diagnosed with cancer in the September and died in the January two years ago, so we had an awful Christmas as he was in a hospice for respite care by that stage. I wish we'd had the important conversations before he got too unwell. And that I'd taken better care of myself in the process as I was then very unwell myself once he'd passed away.

And be prepared to fight/shout/push/scream for help. The lack of community care for Dad was shocking and his GP was beyond unhelpful. I was so forceful that in the end, the palliative care Consultant gave me his mobile number and was an absolute lifeline in Dad's last days. I owe that man more than I could ever repay. I'm sorry you're going through this Flowers

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