MiL has stage 4 breast cancer - how to get through this

[northernlass1001]

My mother in law has stage 4 breast cancer, it’s spread to her bones (apparently the tumours in the bones are small). She has her meeting with oncology on Friday. I don’t know how we get through this - how can we have happy times as a couple, with our young children when this is going on. Do you get used to a new normal? When do you get a sense of life expectancy? I’m so heartbroken and finding it hard to be positive which I need to do for my DH’s sake (and he’s an only child). I’d love some reassurance because everything just feels so sad and bleak and I can’t really imagine enjoying anything while this is going on (and I know it could be (hopefully) years).

It is sad and bleak, but that will run in parallel to normal life. It's impossible to sustain the level of heartbreak and adrenaline that you've currently got, so you'll find it comes in waves. At times you'll be relatively fine and life will be a version of normal. At others it will be all consuming. And each stage of the journey will bring more nuances to the emotions. Just one day (one minute) at a time.

thank you for your kind response - it moved me to tears.

I lost my DM to this earlier this year, but she had well over 3 years since the stage 4 diagnosis, with some very good and happy times.

Of course the initial diagnosis is brutal, but she will hopefully have some plan on treatment. Mum took a while to adjust to the regime of oral chemo tablets, monthly bone infusions and various other meds, but she did adjust and the side effects started to really improve after 4 months as her body adjusted, and after 6 months she was fine for a long time.

Just saying, listen to what they offer treatment wise, they do adjust as things change, but I do understand that everyone needs to cry and rage a lot at the beginning as nothing is fair and everyone is different.

Mum was given the DS1500 benefits (life expectancy <1 year) right at the start, and after 3 years had to get this renewed with the new SR1 form (same expected life expectancy) so you can never tell.

Sending a hand hold and praying that your Mum will have some good quality time ahead with you.