Prostrate cancer

[rosion]

My partner has stage 4 cancer and has been on hormone injections (ADT) for years. One side effect is emotional blunting — he can no longer feel love, joy, or emotional connection the way he used to.

It’s been incredibly hard. He still acts responsibly, follows routines, and shows cognitive care — practical ways of looking after things — but the warmth and affection I’m used to is gone. Sometimes there are tiny flickers, but they’re rare and brief.
We were together gather for 8years only married this may, he was fine then, he was happy cried at our wedding vows, had a tattoo of our wedding date in august, I started noticing him being slightly different,quite, no motivation, playing on his games on phone, sitting outside listening to music, going out to clear his head, he told me he couldn’t feel love joy he was all black inside, the day after he said he doesn’t love me anymore wants a divorce. I’ve moved out devastated, he’s no emotions and that’s all down to the hormone injections

If he’s been on the injections for years, why the sudden and abrupt change? I’d want to rule out something else going on, from simple depression to more serious brain issues. Is he under a consultant, presumably he is, I’d try and go with him to his next appointment.

• ADT suppresses testosterone, which gradually reduces emotional responsiveness over months or years.
• Early on, he may still feel love, joy, and warmth — or enough to act normally.
• This quiet decline is invisible until it reaches a tipping point.

I don’t know anything about the drug, you guys know a lot more but surely it’s worth a conversation with the doctors treating him, it still seems odd that he was fine in August but isn’t now.

It’s like a switch was flicked, it happens it’s not rare just not spoke about enough

The hormone drug turns of the ability to have sex and sexual desire completely, then the problem is what is left in the relationship? It's not his fault and he is living with terminal cancer as well, which doesn't help his ability to be affectionate. No help, just try to remember how it was and that it's not his fault. He will die without the drugs so there is really no choice for him, maybe better to just leave, but don't blame him it's terrible for him too.

My DH also has Stage 4 prostate cancer and is on lifelong hormone treatment - diagnosed in 2022. He too has lost sexual desire - sexual function was already lost before diagnosis and was one of the symptoms that took him to the docs in the first place. I don't recognise what you say about loss of emotional feelings in general however, in fact I would say if anything he has become more emotional than previously. I don't know how old you or your DP are OP, but we are in our 70's so lack of sex is not so much of an issue for us and we have been married for 40 years, so a long established relationship that isn't likely to end just for that. There is no reason you can't still be affectionate, hug and kiss etc and show love in other ways. Have you considered that he may be depressed? It wouldn't be surprising in the circumstances. My DH has 3 monthly blood tests to check his PSA (which is currently low) but every time waiting for the results is worrying as hormone treatment doesn't go on working forever and once the cancer becomes hormone resistant options are limited. It is like living with the sword of Damocles hanging over you knowing that at any time the treatment will stop working but not knowing when it will fall. My DH seems to cope with it by ignoring it as much as possible and just getting on with life but everyone is different.

Thank you for sharing your experience — it’s really helpful to hear how others cope with ADT. I completely understand that each person reacts differently to treatment and life circumstances.

With Stuart, the hormone injections have caused emotional blunting, which is a well-documented side effect in some men on long-term ADT. It’s not depression or a choice; it affects his ability to feel or express emotions, including love and joy, even though he still thinks cognitively about responsibilities, fairness, and caring for others.

I know it can seem surprising compared to your experience, but research shows that emotional blunting can vary widely between individuals, and sometimes it appears abruptly, even after years on treatment. It’s not about the length of the relationship or age — it’s the medical effect of the hormone therapy on brain chemistry, particularly affecting circuits tied to emotion and reward.

I appreciate your perspective and agree that affection, hugs, and kisses can remain important in many relationships — but unfortunately, in Stuart’s case, he is physically unable to feel those emotions the way he used to.

I would say I feel very much like your Dh and I’m a woman and not on any hormone treatment. Having cancer is just incredibly difficult and it changes who you are. Even so, I wouldn’t torpedo my relationship just because I am struggling to have emotions like I used to and feel joy. There are reasons we need other people in our lives especially when we are living with a chronic illness.

That said, you seem convinced that this is caused strictly by the treatment, and it doesn’t sound like there is anything that can be done. He can come off treatment and live an emotionally full life (I know some women with breast cancer reject hormones for this reason) or he can stay on it and be as he is. It’s his choice really. But I don’t think it sounds like it’s different than any other marriage breakdown in that he’s made a decision and you have to accept it, even though it’s pretty shitty for you. He may have no emotions, but he still knows right from wrong and must know how cruel this is to do to you. I think I’d struggle with that, cancer or no cancer.

You’re right — cancer and hormone therapy change a person profoundly, and emotional blunting is very real. The difference with my situation is that he has made a conscious decision to end the relationship, even knowing the impact it has on me.

While the injections cause severe emotional numbness, they don’t erase his ability to make choices. The cruelty I feel comes from the fact that he can still act responsibly and think logically, yet chooses to distance himself and divorce, even though I know he once loved me deeply.

So yes, from a purely human standpoint — cancer or not — it feels cruel and very hard to accept, because while the treatment explains his lack of emotional capacity, it doesn’t explain why he would deliberately end the relationship when he could have tried other ways to cope.

In short: the treatment explains the numbness, but it doesn’t excuse the decision to hurt me by leaving. It’s a mix of biology and choice, and that combination is what makes it so painful.

These are what can get effected. therapy:

Emotions affected by hormone therapy (for prostate cancer):

• Love / attachment – diminished ability to feel romantic love or closeness
• Joy / pleasure – reduced capacity to feel happiness or enjoyment
• Motivation / initiative – less drive to connect or engage emotionally
• Empathy / warmth – harder to feel or express compassion and emotional support
• Emotional regulation – more likely to feel flat, numb, or “black inside”
• Sexual desire – loss of libido or sexual interest (often linked to emotional blunting)