Worried about my dp. Scans showed unexpected things

[IShouldNotCoco]

Last week, my dp had been away for work. When he came back, he told me that he had a pain in his thigh, a red patch over the top and a feeling of tightness. I told him to call 111 (thinking possible blood clot).

They did a CT scan, looking for signs of clots on the lungs but instead found two small ‘masses’ which he says aren’t more than 3mm each. But then the doctor said he would need to have an abdominal scan. This showed an enlarged prostate and inflamed nymph nodes. The doctor referred this urgently to an oncology team, apparently. He has also has a scan on the part of his leg that’s affected. The sonography told him she can’t discuss the findings but that he doesn’t have a blood clot.

My dp is saying that the doctor said they have to start with the worst case scenario and work backwards. He seems rather blasé about it all but I’m really concerned because I don’t think doctors overstate things.

He has been having problems with his prostate for well over 3 years, dating back to before our daughter was born (who is now 5).

What I’m concerned about is that he’s been suffering with prostate pains for years. He would have pain after sex and pain that kept him awake etc. the pain would go away for a while and then come back. He’s also had a long standing issue with not being able to empty his bladder. He was invited to have a camera investigation but wouldn’t go. And now this 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thanks for reading this far. Is there any possibility that this will turn out to be something non-serious?

He’s 56 btw.

I think given all you have described and the symptoms which your DP has been experiencing, there could be a possibility that something is brewing.

The only way to know for sure, is to complete all investigations and go from there. It’s too late to dwell on what he should have done and even if DP does have cancer, it could well be easily treated.

All the very best to you both.

My husbands best mate has small.masses show in a lung scan. These turned out to be benign masses. He had them removed and is fine now.
My husband also had has prostate issues, a condition called prostatitis. That causes UTI symptoms, tummy pain and back pain.

This is reassuring OP.

Thanks for your kind words. What worries me is that he says if he does have it he won’t have traditional treatment.

First he needs a diagnosis of some description. Then if treatment is required, options will be discussed, including risks versus benefits. At the moment, you don’t know what’s what. When you know more, decisions can be made.

True. Thank you.

Does he say why he won’t hypothetically get treatment? Wishing you the best and hope no treatment required.

He doesn’t believe in modern medicine and he thinks chemotherapy is more likely to kill you than some crackpot theory about vitamin C infusions.

I should probably say that he had male breast cancer about 15 years ago before I met him. The cancer was early stage and was removed with clear margins. Chemotherapy was recommended to him but he refused to have it because of his beliefs. He was tested for the gene that causes breast cancer and luckily he didn’t have it so I guess it won’t affect our daughter.

But I expect his previous history of having had cancer adds more concerns into the situation.

That's so frustrating if he won't consider medicine. Maybe he should get his theories set out and show them to the doctors?

Ah, this new information makes a lot of sense. This very well could be a recurrence and spread of the original breast cancer. Not necessarily because he didn’t take the treatment back then (though possibly), but because cancer sometimes comes back.

It also makes sense that because of his previous experience, he has a lot of fear of cancer. The reality is that he will not survive cancer, if that’s what it is, very long without treatment, if it’s spread. And that’s a discussion you can all have with his doctors if you need to.

When my mum had cancer, she didn’t want treatment either. Not because she believed in some wacky conspiracy theory, just because she’s afraid of everything and couldn’t cope with having cancer. In the end, she decided to have it and she’s been cancer free now for 6 years. Healthy and well and living a fabulous life. The reality is that when cancer is treatable or curable, people do better when they have treatment than when they don’t. IF that’s what this turns out to be, he may well start to think differently when he has a bit more information and some time to think about everything with a clear head.

My dh has prostate cancer and has refused conventional treatments (especially since chemo killed his brother at just 40) high dose vitamin C infusions are part of his regime.
He has shrunk the cancer by a third and all results like psa are now well below normal.
That said he never ignores any new symptoms, has completely changed his lifestyle and fully engages with screening.
The natural approach is not something you can do if you try and ignore the situation which does sound very like your dh.
I wish you both well, it’s very hard to be the bystander too.

Yes, this is his thinking too. He’s saying that if he does have cancer he wants to go to a clinic in Mexico that gives vitamin C infusions. He thinks the same thing as your dh, that chemo kills people.

He had said to me in the past (regarding the cancer he had in the past) that after 5 years of remission, your chances of getting the cancer again in the future is no more than the average person - is this true?

Cancer, of course is so complicated with different gene mutations being key to how difficult they are to treat, I guess.

I’m really glad your mum is cancer free, now. And I agree with what you say - it makes sense. I just wish that he would have had the original investigations done that were recommended by the urology department.

Nobody can ever change his mind. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The people peddling this conspiracy bollocks should receive life imprisonment. And they’ve done it all for money. I’m sorry about your husband OP. There is only so much you can do to support him. Look after yourself, though.

@IShouldNotCocoI don’t know anything about the risks of previous cancer returning.

Your DH would be able to do vitamin c infusions combined with a rented hyperbaric oxygen tank in the Uk he doesn’t need to go to Mexico.

He could also start this now or combine it with chemo further down the line it isn’t an all or nothing position.

@IShouldNotCocoI don’t know anything about the risks of previous cancer returning.

Your DH would be able to do vitamin c infusions combined with a rented hyperbaric oxygen tank in the Uk he doesn’t need to go to Mexico.

He could also start this now or combine it with chemo further down the line it isn’t an all or nothing position.

Its frustrating.

The princess of wales had chemotherapy so that kind of shows that it’s still the gold standard of treating cancer.

@IShouldNotCoco IF DP does have cancer and is offered chemo, he would be very unwise to refuse. You have a child together, a young child? Does he not want to give himself the best chance of survival. Obviously all cancers are different and require different treatments. However, it is my opinion that once you go down the
“ unconventional” route, you can’t then go running to the oncologists, requesting treatment. They may even tell him to go away.

He needs to think long and hard, IF cancer is present.

I totally agree. If this was me, I would do whatever was advised by doctors. I believe modern medicine is a good thing. He believes that chemo makes people more likely to die. As I said, very frustrating.

He believes that chemo makes people more likely to die

It depends on the cancer and at what stage it is at and what other comorbidities that the patient has.

My late MIL's male companion had a slow growing cancer. The doctors said that the chemo was more likely to kill him than the cancer as he was late 70s and had heart problems.

Doctors always look at risks vs benefits and wouldn't recommend treatment if they thought it ws a waste of time. This is the NHS after all.

@IShouldNotCoco given that you have a young child I am exasperated on your behalf at his head in the sand irresponsibility.

Well, the news is not good. The pulmonologist things he’s definitely got lung cancer. The first mass is 3cm, not 3mm unfortunately.

He hasn’t had a biopsy yet but I am wondering if this is metastatic disease from the original breast cancer? They are going to be doing a PET scan and testing for genetic mutations. I‘m so sad for our little daughter. She’s already such an anxious person.

My dad died of prostate cancer. Very painfully if it spreads to the bones. He needs to act NOW and stop the crackpot theories and find out what it is and take the treatment if it turns out to be prostate cancer, for the sake of your child. Hope it’s negative

It could be MBC. I have this in the lung. My primary diagnosis was 16 years ago. It’s quite common for BC to metastasise unfortunately. The good news is if it is MBC, is that there are plenty of lines of treatment ( not necessarily chemo but targeted therapy) So, he needs to ditch the vitamin c infusion crap and face reality. He has a five year old DD!