How to support sister with breast cancer when I'm living abroad?

[NigellaWannabe1]

Hi, in July my youngest sister had the devastating news that she had cancer. Within a very few weeks, she had a double mastectomy. It all happened so quickly, as many of you will sadly know.

I live in the UK, she lives in another country and close to my parents, other family, has a good social circle, etc. She's married to a good man and has two teenage children. But I desperately want to do something. Something. I don't know what though.

It's also tricky because although we love each other, we are also quite different and don't find easy to have proper, deep conversations about difficult things affecting our lives. So, when I visited over the summer I worried I'd be intruding... it is difficult.

She's still waiting to know what her treatment will be after her mastectomy. Her sentinel node is affected by she doesn't know the extent of things or what will happen next. The wait must be killing her.

Any advice for me? Thanks for listening.

Send her messages and call her - be patient when she doesn’t answer at times xxx

If she has to have chemo she will feel very cold so a lovely warm heated fleece might be nice. A delivered cream tea. I love Tom at Cornish company ones. They are so yummy. Hand warmers from Turtle Doves. Flowers you could ask a family member to get her from you. A thoughtful text message on day you know she will get chemo.

I love the idea of hand warmers, and I could also send some beautiful woollen socks 🙂.

I went through chemo and would say the best support was when people asked how I was each chemo. Though you can be tired so she may not answer be able to chat for long.

Thanks, I will definitely do that. Sorry to hear you had to go through chemo. 🙂

Stay in touch with her frequently.

Just let her talk and also ask questions about the cancer and her treatment and how she is doing. The one thing I really didn’t want was everyone suddenly mobilising like I was about to die (I wasn’t, and most people with cancer will go on to live normal lives).

What has really made a difference was people asking me questions about treatment and how I’m doing long after the initial diagnosis. For me, I had 3 initial surgeries to remove the cancer and close up the wound. Followed by 12 months of treatment. Then I’ll need 2 more reconstructive surgeries. I’m a year from diagnosis and still have probably another 6 months to go, then will be finished and it’s 5 years of surveillance.

It’s a long slog. People kinda forget or get bored of talking about it after like 2 months. Don’t forget. Talk about it. Ask about it. If you can provide any financial support to allow her more time off work or pay for childcare so she can rest, then that’s really helpful.