Scared

[LipstickMarkStillOnYourCoffeeCup]

I can't sleep after an awful hospital appointment with DH yesterday.

There's a history of bowel cancer in his family so he requested a FIT test from the GP, even though he's mid 40s.

This came back with blood in his stool so he had a colonoscopy today. He'd prepared himself for the worst but I genuinely thought it would be piles or polyps. It was very clear from the looks on the medics' faces that it was bad news. But it was still a massive shock to hear that there are 3 large 'lesions' within his colon.

We have 2 children. I'm so scared it has already spread and they won't be able to help him. Has anyone had experience of this? We are getting a phone call from the hospital today to arrange scans etc. I am just so scared for him, and the kids, thinking about what may be to come.

It's a scary time, and there will be uncertainty as you go through the next steps. I don't know where in the country you are but i really rate the charity Maggies, they've got a few centres, or you can call macmillan for some support too

Thank you. I'm going to call Macmillan once the kids are off to holiday camp. The not knowing is horrific.

The dr who broke the news was fairly blunt. I asked how big the masses were, when DH was out of earshot getting changed. He said almost filling his colon and 'if operable' the whole colon will be removed. It's the 'if operable' that's killing me.

I'm so sorry for your news - it must have been a great shock and very scary. I've had bowel cancer, although it was a single tumour - in my case they were able to operate to just remove the section of colon with that in and rejoin the two ends, whereas it sounds as if your husband has multiple growths throughout the colon. Depending on the position of the growths sometimes chemotherapy and/or radiotherapy is used prior to or instead of surgery to reduce the growths, so this is what the 'if operable' remark may have related to.

Unfortunately you face a period of waiting and uncertainty now while they do CT and/or MRI scans, get the results of any biopsies if they took them etc. These results will then be discussed at a MDT (multi disciplinary team) meeting to agree on the best course of treatment.

I can only give you a handhold and say that in general bowel cancer is slow growing and there is plenty of treatment out there.

I can recommend the online communities at Macmillan and the Bowel Cancer websites to chat with people who have been or are going through a similar experience, or to contact support staff for more advice. THe advice given on these websites can be relied on to be accurate and up-to-date - don't consult doctor Google !

Macmillan Cancer Support | The UK's leading cancer care charity
Bowel Cancer | Bowel Cancer UK

Thank you so much. I'm glad you've recovered well. That's so encouraging to hear.

The next few days are going to be torture, I know..and the cancer nurse who called this morning suggested starting to prepare the kids by telling them a few details. It is so hard knowing what to do though.

Our 10 year old is very emotional and anxious and may not cope at all. I know I need to model positivity and hope for them but, inside, the dark thoughts are swirling tbh.

I just want to take it all away.

We can't lose him. I can't cope with the thought of our kids growing up without him.

Fingers crossed you get answers and a plan quickly.

Thank you. He looks so healthy. It is impossible to fathom.

I'm waking up in a panic about his CT scan. I can't do this. I'm so terrified for him. I know i have to be positive and I am trying so hard. I want to make it better for him and I can't

I'm so sorry - sending you a virtual hug.

I know it's really difficult but I think you need to try to find a safe space where you can offload all your very understandable grief and fears so that you can then mostly put on a brave face for him and the children, who will be as scared as you are. The cancer nurses and helplines are always there. .

Everyone is different, but as someone suffering from cancer myself, the worst part of it for me s seeing and knowing the effect it is having on the people around me.... Big girl pants needed here if you can, but look after yourself too

I'm sorry you are going through cancer. Wishing you the best for your treatment.

I totally take your point and I am absolutely wearing the big girl pants around them. Lots of hugs and reassurance. I know it's my job to protect them all. They're my number one priority.

But it feels so scary in the middle of the night and I'm only venting anonymously on here and in whatsapp chats with trusted friends.

Feeling more positive and hopeful today.

How are you doing now @LipstickMarkStillOnYourCoffeeCup

Hello, thank you for checking in. The CT scan showed no evidence of spread beyond his bowel which is a huge relief.

Because of the locations of the tumours, he is facing a life changing op with a permanent stoma. But they say they can cure him which is what he is focusing on.

It all still feels terrifying but we know that not everyone gets the option of surgery so it is something to feel thankful for. He is being amazing, so level headed and pragmatic.

That’s really positive, what a relief it has not spread.

The waiting and not knowing is torture and I’m pleased you at least now know what you are dealing with and that it can be operated with a view to curing your husband. Be gentle with yourself and continue to support each other.

Thank you so much, it does feel like a miracle even though it will be such a hard road for him in the coming months. But he is very strong and resilient, both physically and mentally, and we are surrounded by support. It's times like this that you see the best of human nature isn't it. Thank you for checking up on me. I appreciate it.

A stoma is hard but is better than the alternative. My DH learned to cope with his very well. The waiting is always the hard part, and it may not seem like it now, but it being caught is good. Wishing you lots of love and healing light.

Thank you @Scrabsqueak, I'm glad your DH coped well with his stoma. I think mine will too once he's got his head round it. Any tips from you or your DH would be much appreciated. ❤️

@LipstickMarkStillOnYourCoffeeCup

Wishing you, your husband and your family well.
If you haven;t already found them...

the Bowel Cancer UK charity have a Facebook group offering stoma support
Online communities | How we can help | Bowel Cancer UK

And there is also a specific online forum over on the MacMillan Website
(1) Ileostomy, colostomy and stoma forum | Macmillan Online Community

Thank you so much@P00hsticks xx