What to expect now

[Neja]

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 2020. She didn’t want to tell me for a while, but eventually my dad (they’re divorced) persuaded her to tell me. I’ve tried to sensitively bring it up, and ask her for updates, and desperately want to know how she’s doing. She usually doesn’t want to talk about it, and burys her head in the sand.

She injured her hip a couple weeks ago, and I assumed was fracture judging by the pain she was in, and unable to move much. She refused to go and get it checked , until today when I insisted as it wasn’t getting any better. I was convinced she must have broken something as she struggled to move, kept yelling out in pain and just helping her to get on the beds for X-rays took forever with great difficulty.

It’s turns it’s not a hip injury, fracture or anything broken but to my surprise, lots of cancer legions in the hip area which is the cause of all this pain. The only thing they can do is pain management. The issue is she is seriously struggling to walk, is in pain but is still in denial! She doesn’t want to talk to me about it so I don’t know what to expect now the legions are affecting her mobility. It sounds serious to me, but she was acting like it’s not a big deal? I’m seriously distraught, and not sure how long she has left if now her mobility effected. She lives alone and I’m extremely worried she will fall, and not be able to contact anyone for help.

What’s the life expectancy once cancer effects mobility?

Anybody?

I’m sorry about your mum’s situation. She probably is trying to cope mentally with the news she’s been given, which is why she won’t want to talk about it. Also, not talking about it can be her way of coping. Don’t make her if she doesn’t want to.

As for lifespan with stage 4 breast cancer, the average is about 2.5 to 3 years. But that is highly dependent on lots of things, one of which is where the cancer is. You can live a long time with cancer in the bones, but less if it’s in vital organs like the liver. Having said that, though, there are lots of treatments that are very successful these days, and even small liver lesions can be treated successfully.

Your mum must now be under the care of an oncology team. Would she let you go with her to any appointments? There is usually much more they can do than just pain management. Eg, they can do metal rods in the bones to help you regain mobility. They can do radiation to reduce pain at the cancer sites. And there’s systemic therapy such as chemotherapy that can tackle the bone lesions too - but it all depends on the type of cancer - there are lots of subtypes.

If they haven’t already been done, would DM request, or give consent for you to request, referrals to physiotherapy and occupational therapy for advice about practical management and equipment? The route will vary according to where she lives - may be via GP, her consultant may be able to refer to a specialist cancer physio team, if there is one, or occupational therapy may be self-referral to her local authority (possibly through the adult social care team) - but her GP or consultant should be able to advise her. If not, then Citizens Advice will be able to tell you what services are available locally and if she is entitled to any benefits (not all are means-tested).

If you are helping with a written referral for DM, then the term you are looking for is lesions, not legions. This is not to be pedantic about the post but to hopefully prevent a self-referral not being picked up with the right level of urgency because someone misinterprets what you are trying to describe.

If you need support, then Maggie's is a brilliant organisation for both the person with cancer and anyone else affected by it.