Title explains it all really. I am autistic and query undiagnosed/missed adult ADHD. Due to the fact that I have a lot of pre-existing health anxiety and mortality anxiety, which often leads to quite intense outbursts of panic which comes out as frustration and anger. Still living at home with parents and brother with the aim to move out in a month or so into semi-independent living space. In a sense the fact that it was confirmed that during a biopsy, that particles of asbestos were found in family members lungs, the fact that we mostly know there was a definitive cause of the cancer developing, feels currently slightly more digestible to process emotionally as i feel like it's not as completely shocking or out of the blue as someone getting a cancer diagnosis with no obvious reason as to why they developed that form of cancer. But it's more the fact that as someone who always had a lot of health and death anxiety,i had not had to face an acute crisis with my own or another family member's health. I've never had to ring 999 for an ambulance for someone in my family, ive never had to perform cpr on a family member, ive never had to see a parent or my brother severely physically ill or injured before. But now this has happened and even if its a "rarer" form of cancer, essentially it is still a form of the disease and my brain is stuck on a cycle of "well the unwell family member is suffering and is probably miserable and feels shit" so ergo that means that i am also obligated to feel miserable and to deny myself