Bowel Cancer - Advise for supporting a family member

[Itallcomesdowntothis]

Hello everyone. I wanted to start by saying my sincere and heartfelt feelings for anyone dealing with any kind of cancer.....

A close family member has been recently diagnosed with Bowel Cancer and has now had surgery to remove the tumour. This was successful, but they developed infection, have had to have further surgery and are still in the hospital.

Fingers crossed they are home soon but I wanted to ask for some advice please. I'm far away from them but wanted to send them some things that might be helpful - besides the usual basket or flowers.

Is there anything that you can think of if you have had this cancer, or someone you know that in hindsight would have been really helpful? Or something in prep for when they got home?

Thank you so much in advance for your help!

I would suggest easy to heat up meals. Check if they have been told to stick to a particular diet such as low fibre, or no red meat, and go from there.

Yes thank you. They are on a certain drink and some kind of special biscuit/cracker as I think the hospital is trying to see if that doesn't make them so sick. It's a good point about non irritation and digestion though considering where their system is right now....

I'm luckily enough not to have had this cancer or know anyone who has, so can't give direct experience advice. But i always think when people have been stuck in hospital not feeling their best, a pamper gift is always nice - whether its a voucher to get nails done, or a massage, or facial etc. Something to make them feel special again after a tough time.

A subscription to audible or Netflix etc for when they get home but just want to lie about?
Something not too challenging to work on depending on their interests, Lego, cross stitch, terrarium?
Tickets to a local venue for a few months time?

I like that about the tickets. He does have a kindle and audio books and netflix but these are really good suggestions so thank you. Good lines of thinking!

Hi OP, sorry to hear this. Do you know if they’re due to have chemo? My dad had bowel CA a couple of years ago and had extensive surgery, formation of a stoma and chemo. Has your relative also had a stoma?

I made a care package for my dad (unfortunately not long after I needed to work away for some months) so included things like hand cream (intense moisture and for sensitive skin), same level of lip balm as the chemo is very drying. Heat pads and warm gloves/hats due to the chemo causing very cold hands and shivers, an eye mask and ear plugs for hospital stays, a few photos to keep on him, a couple of books in preferred genre, a small toothbrush & toothpaste for an easy pick me up when too tired to get a proper shower/wash, chewing gum, some sweets, very soft flannels, a little metal engraved heart that was branded as a hug in a pocket (more specific for us due to being away) and a few snacky bits just in case.

Thank you 💕. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad and hope all is well with him now? So still waiting to hear on if he will need chemo. He has a temporary stoma (hoping it's only temporary) and due to the infection has a feeding tube (awful) but that has come out now. Such lovely and heartfelt ideas and gifts - thank you for your time in responding. It's a good point about the chemo and not something I have thought of yet - so some good ideas if it goes that way.

Thank you. To be honest it’s been ongoing for 5 years due to the length of chemo, his stoma reversal was hugely delayed and then he got secondary in his liver and pancreas so has had more removals. He is feeling good now though in comparison. If it offers any comfort he said the hardest part that caused most pain was the initial stoma, so hopefully either way your relative will be on the up. If your relative is anything like my Dad (60’s and fiercely independent) the stoma might be something difficult to accept, even though it’s temporary. It’s a hard thing to get used to and each persons is unique so it’s a case of getting to know it (I am a nurse and used to work on a colorectal ward luckily for this instance). They may need emotional and practical support with the stoma, respecting privacy whilst also offering anything they may need in terms of encouragement to get out the house, what stuff to bring (a grab bag of supplies & spare clothes is helpful in the early days), encouragement to engage with stoma nurses and that nothing is a waste of their time. Barrier sprays, spare donuts. If the stoma bags aren’t working well enough to go out, it needs flagging as there are loads of alternative products to try etc. Hope it all goes as well as it can and feel free to message if you have any questions, it’s lovely that you want to support him as best you can though xx

My Dad also had bowel cancer, chemo, surgery, stoma then reversal then stoma again because of obstruction. Things he appreciated- boiled sweets like sherbet lemons to take the chemo taste away, cashmere bed socks because the chemo makes the extremities cold and a long shoe horn because the wound made it difficult to bend.

Good luck to your relative- my Dad has had a stormy time but at 86 and three weeks after his last surgery he's back playing golf, planning weekends away and going out to dinner!

my husband has a permanent stoma.
He had lost a lot of weight in ITU so I made him high protein, high calorie meals. I also got him some ‘jogging bottoms’ to wear as his jeans and belt combo rubbed his wound.
five years later he wears these around the house …

we got him a bag for the car (lives under the front seats permanently) and one to wear to put his bags, removal spray and wipes etc in.

joining the colostomy uk facebook page was a big help - we are both members. Lots of practical as well as emotional support.

hope this helps

One of the best things you can do is to get the dietary restrictions if any from the hospital and make up home cooked ready to heat meals in smaller portions (can always have two) as getting back to eating can be hard and quite frankly you can feel pretty picky at that stage. Everyone is different but my grandmother needed foods which had plenty of moisture because of dry mouth constantly and needed to limited fibre per day and crucially spread out, not all in one meal.

Oh and the stoma nurse was amazing, unlike the hospital staff who obviously dealt with a wide range of conditions, the stoma district nurse was an expert on living with a stoma and had one herself! She worked with my grandmother to get the right set up of equipment and products for her body and circumstances (both bladder and bowel, quite unusual at the time) and appeared to have all the time in the world despite her huge workload, never hinted that she was in a hurry. Loads of tips online now of course, my experience predates the internet as we know it.