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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Where to find help and company for elderly family member.

5 replies

FiveBeatRiffRaff · 15/06/2025 18:26

Hi. I wonder if anyone can point me in the right direction here. An elderly relative has cancer as a secondary to a previous cancer, but it is this that has a terminal diagnosis.

Actually, this cancer isn't causing unmanageable symptoms in itself and she is still living independently, and until the last few weeks, fairly happily. However, there is a another problem developing which is still under investigation but seems likely to be a condition she either had or developed which is being made worse by the cancer treatment. But until investigations are complete it's impossible to know. She is on the last possible cancer treatment. We are talking debilitating gastro issues, with random days of sickness and reluctance to eat much, meaning that at 81 she's gone from independent to just-about-independant but reliant on family for every need practical and emotional very quickly. Just to set the scene.

Family are doing their best, and she has a visit every day, all admin sorted, various calls for support etc. No children, no husband. But the in-person stuff is largely falling on one person for various reasons and it's not sustainable. I've tried googling but there is so much signposting back and forth, or things that are not relevant here for now and I'm a bit overwhelmed. Is there such a thing as volunteers or anybody to visit for company/immediate troubleshooting/listening/any practical assistance? I feel that she's caught in between a bit as not immediately end of life (I assume!), not needing 24hr care, but actually has quite high needs - mostly handholds and company - which we as a family are doing our best to meet but feel like we are failing. What should I be looking for here?!

If anyone has an wise words or "Google this" advice I'd be very grateful.x

OP posts:
MrsGrowl · 15/06/2025 18:28

Is there a social prescriber attached to her GP surgery? They are usually full of info on what/who is available in the area, I doubt it would be daily though. I’ve only known volunteers who visit and sit with people once a week at most.

MounjaroMounjaro · 15/06/2025 18:29

What would she say to going into a nursing home with regular visits from relatives? Could she afford to do that? It would mean that relatives could play the part of a supportive friend rather than her having to ask them for help all the time.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 15/06/2025 18:30

Your local council should have a befriender scheme....

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 15/06/2025 18:33

@FiveBeatRiffRaff , register as her carer with your GP I got lots of useful advice when I did this. Try local places of worship, they may have volunteers who could help and do get in touch with Age Concern who may be able to point you towards some help. Good luck. X

FiveBeatRiffRaff · 15/06/2025 20:17

Thanks all, I'll look in to these suggestions, I'm very grateful.

I wasn't imagining someone visiting every day, but once a week or so just to relieve the most local person and to start to spread the mental load a bit...

As for the nursing home suggestion... I don't know but I'm pretty sure it would be met with scepticism and probably horror as they see this current situation as a "blip" and it's developed so quickly. Which it might be I suppose, but let's face it there will be more blips. 3 weeks ago she was trotting down to the bus stop to go into town for her weekly hair appointment, albeit had all admin sorted/accompanied to every appointment/daily phone calls. Now she can't leave the house, has a kind friend looking after her dog, and is needing several hours a day of phone or physical contact reassurance/hand holding, it's so sad. She definitely couldn't afford to choose a nursing home even if she was willing. I really hope it's possible to get this current gastro situation back under control - on the face of it it is less serious than terminal cancer, but it is this which is going to be the game changer I think, it's not sustainable for her or anyone else ☹️

I'll start with the GP and move on to the council and Age Concern etc. Thanks all x

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