Cancer Support Thread 97: support for those diagnosed and going through treatment

[LiliJilliBobs]

Cancer support thread 97: support for those newly diagnosed and /or undergoing treatment…..
Thread 96 is pretty full - here’s a new one

Sorry to hear your news @ventress. My dentist gave me strong toothpaste forvthe duration of treatment.

Thanks for those of you who asked after me.
I didnt want to talk too much of my post surgery stuff as I realised some of you would be getting boob surgery at some point.

I'm doing well, although wound a bit slow to heal. Mobility affected a bit by something called chording. So more dressings, physio. Oh and the antibiotics gave me thrush.

Went to cinema today to see the Bruce springsteen film. A bit slow but ok. Got me out of the house.

Awful weather this week which is a shame for fireworks. I don't go, just watch out of window 😆

@Ventress yes that is shit - was that your first bone scan or a subsequent one? I am sorry to hear that news, this cancer shit just takes over everything.
there are no words to express the bastardness of it all

and theres me getting babyish over injections, so sorry.

@FcukBreastCancer good to hear you are making progress to heal. Have you taken any arnica tablets - they can speed up healing

@Ventress
Thats beyond fucking shit, I’m so sorry. I wish I could make it better and I’m sending you huge hugs. Cancer is a massive bastard bitch cunty fucker and I wish I could punch it in the face.

What is the plan? Are the continuing with the current chemo regime or are they putting you on a new treatment? How often do you have the infusions?

I caught up on sleep aye, but still eating like a hippo. The house viewing went well! I really like it, so me and DH are in discussions with a mortgage adviser to see what I need to get together as a self-employed person to apply. My steroid shopping this week has been quite bad, I bought so far <ahem>, silicone baby cups, x2 pairs of pants (comfy stretchy ones that look smart still but can lounge in), tops to go with pants, a Valeda mop with additional scrub brushes and some things to stick on the drawers to make them baby proof.

I know re PIP for step dad. There’s the HDA who will help us with the tribunal. He’s off to bloody Thailand today for a holiday. I’m shit scared because he’s going alone but at the same time he’s a grown man and I can’t mother him. I’m just worried about his decision making, he’s capable of getting around and what not, just things like he wouldn’t think twice about pissing off into a jungle of some kind and getting himself lost. I should have got him to put an Apple AirTag up his ass or something 😂.

@PatsFishTank
7 continuous days of chemo sounds bloody tough! One day at a time sounds like the best plan, how long have they said you’ll be in for? Do you get any breaks? Or day trips home? Are family allowed to visit? (Bit like the Spanish Inquisition aren’t I 😬).

Are they giving you any mental health support also? I imagine the mental side of it is as tough as the physical side, sending you hugs too. I won’t say anything trite like “you’ve got this” because you’ll want to kick me, but I’m channeling this vibe your way ❤️.

Do you like puzzles? I’ve been doing those Murdle puzzle books (Amazon) and I lose hours in the day sometimes, the time flies and they’re quite fun. Defo recommend if you’re a puzzler and might help pass some time.

Do you like to read? If you let us know what kind of books you like we could try and come up with some recommendations too.

@FcukBreastCancer
I’ll be getting surgery but don’t worry about sharing with me, I’d much rather get the full uncensored version and know what I’m in for. I had an elective section earlier this year and completely underestimated the recovery of it. So tell me, warts and all, how much support will I need with the kids following surgery? My mums offered to book 2 weeks off work to help, should I take her up on it?

Glad to hear you’re doing well and getting out to cinema despite the slow healing and mobility, I’m sure you’ll be fully healed in no time. It’s a big deal isn’t it when you consider what they do to us. Sorry about the thrush too, I had it last month on abx and was ripping my hair out with the itchy scratchy!! I now keep an extra fluconazole in the cupboard just in case.

My 8yo is shit scared of the firework bangs so we usually watch from the window too and do some sparklers a bit earlier in the evening. Suits me, I get to stay all snuggly and warm.

@cantbelieveIamhere
The injections - Their bark is worse than their bite. I promise you in a few weeks time, you’ll be jabbing the bastard things in without a second thought.
I was scared initially but once I saw the actual tiny needles and started doing it - was honestly fine.

Don’t put them in the fridge (confirm this with the pharmacist but they should tell you it’s fine), depress the plunger nice and slow and wait for the alcohol rub to dry before poking. Grab a nice handful of flab, position needle, look away then just poke with purpose. If you want, I can send you a video of me doing one of mine? I don’t mind doing like a little demo video if it will help you just let me know ❤️. I do them in the morning as well so it’s done then.

@ForestFlowerFairy
How are you? How’s things after radio?

@DanFmDorking
How are you mister? I went for a pub lunch yesterday and it was absolutely shit, it wasn’t my usual pub and I actually found a weird sharp piece of plastic in my beef!!!! 🤮. I hope you had better luck with yours!

Booo! – I’m back – power cut last week, which I coped with – but when the power was restored there was a surge which fried some of the chips in my PC (yes, seriously) – so, no PC – it also fried the communal equipment that supplies the TV signal – so, a bloke with no computer and no TV – (no football, Graham Norton or other favourites) - not happy – managed to find a DAB radio which saved my sanity – normality was restored over the weekend – I’m now looking at ‘Uninterruptable Power Supply’ equipment with surge protection – (sigh)

Catching up – yep, had roast chicken on Sunday which filled me up and cheered me up 'cause I was able to watch some football (sad, I know)

Bloods taken today (Mon) – due to see the oncologist (face to face) tomorrow (Tues) – see what she says – then, perhaps, last Chemo on Thursday.

Thank you all for your kind wishes, I really appreciate them

@ForestFlowerFairy @Ventress @PatsFishTank @FcukBreastCancer @cantbelieveIamhere @cannaecookrisotto - flippin’ ‘eck – I'm really sorry you have to go through all these dreadful side effects - after reading what you have to put up with – I’m just going to sit here quietly

Wishing you all a happy week, peeps

It's so nice of you to ask after me @Ventress (you're amazing at keeping us altogether)
Especially considering your update, I can't even imagine how that must feel.

@cannaecookrisotto I bloody love "Cancer is a massive bastard bitch cunty fucker and I wish I could punch it in the face."
Can we get that printed on t shirts??
I am also up in the middle of the night resisting the shopping - let's see if this update takes me long enough to realise buying whisky is a bad idea because I can't drink it now, don't know when I can drink it and frankly won't have the willpower to keep it hidden until Christmas so I can't even claim/justify it as presents.
It's great to hear the house viewing went well, when we bought our home both my husband and I had our own separate businesses and the bank were awful, gave a mortgage in principal only to pull it once we'd made an offer on a house claiming they missed we were both self employed. I'd thoroughly recommend engaging a mortgage broker because our guy kept us sane and found us a great deal, we used him last time we remortgaged and I hope he doesn't retire anytime soon!

PIP is an absolute farce, its supposed to help people and yet the stress and hoops you're expected to go through end up meaning so many genuine people do not get it because they are simply too ill to work this bureaucratic system. Proper boils my piss - but make sure you do appeal any decisions that are negative, it seems the appeal is part of the process, I've not heard of anyone successful first time round.

@PatsFishTank I used to like my chemo days, big comfy chair, nice view out the window, early days a nice cup of tea and a biscuit bit fuck me, 7 days in a row?? I cannot imagine. I don't know what your hospital is like but I didn't have a single chemo or radiotherapy appointment that didn't involve waiting in a bloody waiting room for a good hour or two past my appointment time which only extends and delays the crap - I do hope you've not got endless time waiting around on top of the daily chemo?

So a small update from me.
Sunday was my 40th birthday - it was a bit shit!!!
So, basically everyone decided I cant really celebrate it so why bother...
Son didn't send anything
Daughter sent a present but no card (I love a thoughtful card)
Husband has said present is delayed so nothing from him (aka he didn't order in time, which he has history of so now he'll panic buy something expensive which if it's like my 30th will be ridiculous and returned and result in him sulking)
Mum also said no presents until I'm better
Dad forgot....

My old cleaner however did rock up with bubble bath and a candle which was lovely.

I know everyone has done amazing things driving me back and fore every day and it's been stressful for everyone and they've all made me the center of the world for a couple of months so I'm trying not to feel negative but honestly I wish they'd at least tried to make the day special.

Pain wise I had a good day so I insisted on going out when it was clear noone was coming or doing anything and we headed to Doddington hall and looked round the bauble barn and the food hall before I sat in the car park syringing in Oxycodeine and slept on the drive home.

However ignoring the woe is me routine, because my pain wasn't bad I skipped most my oxy and only had the one dose Sunday. Monday I suffered. It coincided with me seeing the Macmillan nurse as part of 'released into the wild review ' who explained the pain meds rarely help in the moment but it's all about building up and keeping it at bay, when I stop the routine, it impacts future me not right now me.
So for any of you as you get to the pain management element, keep taking it even if you feel ok.
I'm a little anxious about taking the oxy due the opioids and addiction but the Macmillan nurse was really reassuring around how little im taking in reality and how they are there to guide me and simply not to think of it, so my plan for the rest of the week is keep taking it, don't think about it and trust the nurses will guide me or wean me off without me needing to self regulate.

So that's it really.

• Birthday shit
• Must take pain meds all the time

@cannaecookrisotto I can have visitors and DH is coming over today but it's a 2.5 hour round trip from home because I'm in a regional specialist centre. I'll be in hospital for around five weeks this stint, home for a couple of weeks and then back here for another month - I'll be here over Christmas 🙁

This round of chemo I have between two and fives doses per day for ten days and then monitoring. I'm headachey, exhausted, can't eat, throwing up when I do eat and waiting for my hair to fall out.

I've got loads of stuff to read/watch/listen to but just fall asleep when I try. I've got a friend with bowel cancer who's at home and doing normalish things - it's such a different experience with leukaemia but then I haven't had to have surgery and I'm not in pain which I'm grateful for.

@ForestFlowerFairy Happy birthday 🎂 4.0.
And I'm so sorry your family did not make a fuss of you. Perhaps you can hint at a delayed celebration.

Thank you all, I'm so pleased you are all here Not sure how I feel @cannaecookrisotto I don't know if it was just a way of minimising the lymphangitis (probably) but I'd pigeon holed it as "contained within my rib cage and not going anywhere". Hearing that it's escaped to my bones was a bit of a kick in the stomach. The doctor was so matter of fact too that I wondered if I'd heard correctly. She was very "well now we can see it in your ribs we need to perhaps change the chemo and get you on the Zoledronic acid, and here's a leaflet with all the emergency numbers just in case you get spinal cord compression" so I was a bit WTH?! I've had nausea (and taken the metoclopramide) for the first time today. That can sod right off, I hate feeling/being sick. It reminds me of the years I spent having migraines.

I think you were quite restrained with your shopping - nothing insane like diamond encrusted stilettoes or something! It's hard when the older generation start thinking and doing stuff independently isn't it? My very elderly aunty took herself off to Thailand a few years back. I was seeing photos of her elephant trekking in Chiang Mai (sp), visiting temples and bathing on various beautiful white sand beaches! She had a great time while the rest of the family were nervous as hell. I'm sure your step dad will have a great time and not do anything beyond his limits. It will be a trip to remember for him. Good luck with the PIP appeal.

I'm a reader - I read tons of murder mysteries and every four or so I try and slip in a "good" book. I'm a big fan of the Amazon daily deals where I can get a book for 99p. I bought a ton of James Patterson's last week. Never read him before so we shall see. I just have to finish the Kathy Reichs I'm currently reading. I have the Murdle books too! They are good fun.

I would accept your mum's offer to help post surgery for a fortnight @cannaecookrisotto (sorry to butt in @FcukBreastCancer ) My sister certainly needed support post-surgery and she didn't have a 6 month old!

I'm glad the house viewing went well. I agree with @ForestFlowerFairy that a mortgage advisor would be very helpful to you in your position (self employed). Don't underestimate how stressful moving is either - make sure you offload as much as you can and try and keep your life as simple as possible and focussed on kicking the shit fuck cancer out.

I will take one of those t-shirts please @ForestFlowerFairy

I'm sorry you had a crap birthday. Families can be so unthinking sometimes. I am singing "Happy Birthday" to you now in my terrible tone deaf voice but with gusto. And I'm toasting you with Robinson's Apple & Blackberry squash (only the good stuff for me). Is your pain back under control? Definitely don't scrimp with the pain meds and take them regularly particularly if they are of the type where the effectiveness builds up over time. Not in the same league but I've been told not to hold back on taking the Oramorph either. I was a bit worried about the "May cause addiction" in big letters on the front of the bottle but everyone has said that I'm not going to turn into a heroin addict as a result of taking it.

Glad the power is back on @DanFmDorking and Sunday lunch was better this week. We had a 30 hour power cut several months ago - madness. I was worried about the contents of the freezer. The power company sent us a cheque (very 20th century) as apparently they have to give compensation if the power is out from more than a set period of time.

I hope the meeting with your oncologist went well today. Is chemo on for Thursday?

That chemo sounds nasty @PatsFishTank Have they given you an anti-emetic to take, or included it in the pre-med? You shouldn't have to be nauseous. I'm sorry that you will be in over Christmas. I'm sure they will make the ward as festive as they can. Are your nurses and HCAs nice? Mine were so lovely, they really made it okay to be stuck in hospital. I hope your husband's visit is good and he brings you some treats.

I listened to a lot of podcasts - I found that I could just nod off and it was okay. One favourite was Sherlock Holmes short stories on BBC Sounds. Read by Hugh Bonneville, who has a nice soothing voice. I could start listening to one story and wake up later listening to a completely different story but because they are so familiar I didn't really care.

When I had inpatient chemo it came to me, so no hanging around. I hope yours is similar.

I'm glad you are healing @FcukBreastCancer albeit slowly. When the wound has healed thoroughly I recommend massaging the scars with Bio Oil. I had back surgery years ago and you have to massage the scars very thoroughly each day (and do physio) to avoid scar "tethering" (perhaps like chording?) which can really impact movement and flexibility.

It was my first bone density scan @cantbelieveIamhere so who knows, it could have been there for longer than the lymphangitis but because it wasn't impacting me I didn't realise. Thank you for your good wishes.

Sod that, being nervous about injecting oneself is perfectly reasonable, please don't minimise what you are experiencing. We're here to support each other. Hopefully once you've done it a few times you will be doing it like an expert!

@ForestFlowerFairy Belated happy birthday, poor excuses for not treating you on your birthday, you surely deserve treating in view of whats going on, so maybe have a second birthday and they can try harder.
we actually celebrated my sons birthday this year on the wrong day because of all the cancer bollocks going on and it wasnt until the following day when his aunty rang and said happy birthday that we realised what we had done!
Also helpful to know to take pain meds whatever.

@cannaecookrisotto thank you for your offer, I dont know why I am obsessed about this bit but I have always hated injections so there we are, however now I have emla cream on the way and @poptarts instructions I think I will be okay.

To those that asked, yes chemo comes to me as I'm just here anyway. One dose is permanently attached in a bag (a CADD) which I carry around. It makes showering a PITA as, not only do I need to keep the arm with the PICC line out of the shower, but the bag too. However, it's my last day tomorrow and I felt much less sick today and have eaten normally so, after a bit of experimenting, hopefully we've got the right combo of anti sickness meds.

The worst thing is being away from home. It must be a totally different experience having this as an out patient but then I haven't had to have surgery and all the challenges that come with that.

Gosh @PatsFishTank as much as I was miffed about my birthday I really should be grateful that I am at home and with family.
I am pleased you've got the sickness under control and able to eat.

Reading back through all these messages and it seems like we all had a really crap week last week, so I sincerely hope for all this coming week is more positive.
I haven't had the best week so far, my steroids stopped on Sunday and my face puffed right up, the pressure on my sinuses was horrific so today I added ibuprofen to my long list of things I take and it has helped.
So for me, I'm taking all the medications on time regardless of how I feel to keep on top of everything.
I was too tired to do much today but did sit in my comfy chair sketching and colouring, its not very good but it passed the time and didn't involve my brain!!!
I'm also starting to book events for Christmas before they sell out. I've demanded both kids be home from uni and they will be coming and doing all of the things as though they were small children again 🤣

Need to bring back the positive mindset

What the hell? I posted a massive war and peace reply then it vanished 😭.

Nothing exciting happening on my end except got 2 new work contracts. At first I was going to pass them over to an industry colleague but then thought fuck it, I’ll just crack on. Could do with the money for mortgage application so make hay whilst the sun shines!!

My new cleaner started yesterday, she came whilst I was at Chemu. It was bloody marvellous coming home to an immaculate house. I nipped to Dunelm on the way home and picked up some new cushions/rugs/throws to revamp the downstairs. It looks very boho now with splashes of colour, I love it!

I also told some men off at chemo (they were together, looked like father and son). They were sat opposite and using the shared bathroom. Every time I went in after them they had left the toilet seat up and pee splashes 🤮. I very politely asked that they put the seats down and try and aim for the actual bog, as I’m not keen on touching their radioactive piss. They then miraculously remembered their toilet training. My mum looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her but it was minging!!

Happy belated birthday @ForestFlowerFairy, I’m really sorry to hear your family were a bit shit and didn’t make the effort. I didn’t want a fuss on my birthday but everyone still got me gifts and insisted on fussing. I think I’d have been pissed off it they didn’t, even though I’d said for them not to 😂.

My brain fog has been quite bad the past couple
of days, I’m normally quite literate but sometimes I read things back that I’ve wrote and it looks like I was pissed!!

@PatsFishTank 2.5 hour drive is long! Sorry about being in for Christmas, would they consider letting you out for the day? Or are you too high of risk for infection? Apologies if that’s a silly question, I’m not clued up on inpatient chemo. Or could your family bob in for a bit on Christmas Day?

@Ventress
I know we hate hearing this but I say it with love - you’re such a strong person (I know we have no choice but to crack on BUT), you’re helping your family with house moving (I can’t even cope with this in normal times), you’re keeping on top of your house, parenting… I truly believe that cancer has chosen the wrong woman to fuck with and these pesky bone mets will be subdued into submission and shrink and be stable. I’ve also been sending these vibes your way when I do my weirdo crystal holding.

@cantbelieveIamhere
I’m terribly sorry but I giggled a bit at your birthday mishap! This is absolutely something that I’d do but on a good year 😂. For some reason, I always seem to think my eldests birthday is on the 21st… it’s on the 20th!!! I now have their birthdates and names engraved on silver thumb rings to remind me. I also wrote the incorrect date on her school application and they questioned me when I sent copy of birth certificate. Which was cringy. I blame the fact that I was in labour for 4 days with her (she was back to back) and by the time she come screeching out (forceps and a 2nd degree cut) I didn’t know what bastard day of the week it was, never mind the date. So I had an elective section with 7mo, balls to going through that again.

What day is it you’re starting chemo?

How is everyone today? Sounds like a shit week all round. I can’t complain really, I’m chuffed with my new rugs. Apparently I’m a very simple person!

I once sent my son into school all dressed up for world book day on the wrong day! Luckily DS styled it out and was actually happy that he was in fancy dress and everyone else was in school uniform he was only about 6 but still a huge parenting fail 😱

My dad has two birthdays. The one he has always celebrated and the one that’s on his birth certificate. He only noticed this when he applied for a passport and by then his parents were both dead and nobody could tell the powers that be that it was wrong and get it changed. He says he’s like the king with an actual birthday and an official one!

Thank you @cannaecookrisottoyou are a lovely person. Your girls have a fab mum 😊 Parents exchanged contracts on Wednesday- thank goodness. I will celebrate completion with sparking fake vino and a fuck ton of cake!

I am so envious of your cleaner. Once the parent’s are moved I will be on this.

Hope chemu went well @cannaecookrisotto

Screw that @ForestFlowerFairy, you deserved a fuss for your birthday and didn’t get one. I would go full emotional blackmail and demand a re-birthday.
What sort of Christmas things have you booked so far?

it won’t last forever @PatsFishTank - hang in there. You will be home soon x

DS and DH are off to twickenham tomorrow to watch the rugby (birthday gift for them both), so I get the tv to myself for the day (small pleasures) Any suggestions? My sister in law recommended the Morning Show on Apple TV so I might try that.

Hope everyone has a calm, pain free, non-shit weekend 💐

Chemo for me today. Tea and biccies abound.

@Ventress aww thanks, that’s a lovely thing to say, although I do have some epic parenting fails to date 😂. I think the one I feel the worst about was the failure to retrieve a tooth and place the money under the pillow. She came flying down in the morning absolutely heartbroken that the tooth fairy had forgotten her. I was like 👀. I ran upstairs with her, fiver clutched in hand and pretended to look around the bed, stole the tooth and chucked the fiver at the bottom, then pretended to find it as though she’d kicked it down the bed 😱. It was a close call!! Felt terrible.

Then there was the time I sent her in uniform on non-uniform day, also the other way round 🤦🏼‍♀️. Then the time she head butted the corner of a show bed in IKEA so we had to run to A&E to have head glued. My poor children are lucky to be alive frankly 😂.

My Chemu went well, I denied the cold mitts and socks again, I just can’t bring myself to wear them. They’re horrific. The nurses tried to guilt me with “but we’re trying to help you” and I appreciate it but just no.

I hope your chemu went well too ❤️.

TV to yourself for a whole day actually sounds like sheer bliss!! What type of things do you like to watch? I absolutely love true crime documentaries. I’ve not watched the Morning Show, let me know if it’s any good.

I really like the Monster series on Netflix, like Jeffrey Dahmer, the Menendez Brothers. The Ed Gein one was a bit shit tbf, there was one episode that left me STUNNED though 😂. Gob open and everything.

Making a Murderer is good, as is Don’t Fuck With Cats. Oooo also Abducted in Plain Sight.

For lighter entertainment that’s easy comfy viewing, I love Motherland and Derry Girls. I could watch these over and over again. See also Six Feet Under. Brilliant series.

@cannaecookrisotto thanks for your message, yes I have one son born on 5th of month and one on 6th of an entirely different month and I always get them mixed up but this year was the first time we have actually celebrated the wrong day.

I did it all today, chemo, cold cap, phesgo, and cold mits and socks. I have heard of four others complaining of neuropathy and so am going to endure for as long a s I can. Sadly only did one mit as had canula in hand so laid it on an icepack.

You sound far too energetic for my liking I dont know how you are getting stuff done. Mind you I am much older so thats my excuse.
I had a fantastic, funny, feisty - in a nice way and kind nurse and she made all the difference to my first treatment today, so that has helped me to get through and now I have drugs inside me killing the bastard cells

wish i could have a very large drink now, but someone out there who can should continue having a glass for all of us!

@Ventress – yep – last Chemo was Thursday – I have a Chemo pump which will be removed by the District Nurse late Saturday afternoon.

Have a good weekend peeps.

I'm drinking a wine for you (probably shouldn't). I've lit a fire in the garden. I need to sit down, so watching a fire in a garden chair is quite nice.

My wound still heals slowly. I may need more antibiotics. The thrush is very uncomfortable, despite two treatments argh.

Results day friday for me

Oh @cannaecookrisotto we've done the tooth fairy one as well - both DH and I thought the other had picked up the fairy wand. DH had DS on his shoulders and walked him into a door frame - TWICE (FFS). And just too many parental fuck ups to remember over the last 8 years. Honestly, we've all been there and they turn out okay I promise😂

Glad your chemu was good. I don't blame you for rejecting the mitts and socks. Torture. Mine went fine thanks. They don't seem to let me leave without a gift bag and this week was some laxatives (all the good stuff!).

@cantbelieveIamhere - full respect. You are one tough cookie lady!

I don't do scary things so not sure if true crime is for me. I like fictional stuff like Inspector Rebus and Bosch and all those "police procedural" things but not sure about it in real life. I ended up visiting my parents new house with my sister to meet the vendors and measure up. Really lovely people, I'm glad we got the chance to meet them in person. I ended up watching old movies - Vertigo and Rear Window (two of my favourites).

Well done you @DanFmDorking - hope the Sunday lunch tastes better now that chemo is over
@FcukBreastCancer I hope that wine was good and the garden fire was comforting. Sending healing vibes your way.

Can I have a glass of bubbly on Tuesday please? It's DS' 18th birthday.

I had a bit of a moment earlier as I was wrapping his gifts. I got really upset thinking it might me the last time I do this. Fucking cancer you are a bastard.

How are you @ForestFlowerFairy ? I hope your side effects are not getting worse.

I hope everyone is having a calm and peaceful Sunday full of roast dinners and no parenting fails

@Ventress definitely not a tough cookie today, its day 3 and I am wiped out.
Went bright red last night, but a lovely district nurse has been and given me my white blood cell injection and emla cream worked, it didnt hurt.
Happy birthday to your son, hope he has a lovely day. Yes emotional.
My favourite film is Bridges of Madison County, makes me cry every time I watch it but its a lovely film

@Ventress
Glad it’s not just me on the tooth fairy front, of all my parental fails, that one really hit the hardest. I think it was the sheer devastation and real tears. I felt AWFUL!

Ooooo when is moving date? Bet you can’t wait for it to be done and dusted, moving is more stressful than having a baby IMO. In terms of the actual move, are you getting movers in to do the heavy lifting? That’s my plan next time. Outsource the legwork. I’m shit at it.

Happy impending 18th to your DS on Tuesday ❤️

Cancer really is a bastard and wouldn’t it be great if we could just punch it right in the fanny? Thoughts can be brutal sometimes can’t they? The worst one I have is that my 7mo is so young, if the worst happens she won’t remember me, I love her so much but she wouldn’t have any memories of me. Takes my breath away just typing that out even.

@Ventress, I’m sending you a massive hug. I’m also going to be THAT twat that says yes you are going to be here for more birthdays, your onc team will get you going on a new chemo regime that will target and shrink those cheeky fucker cancer cells into touch. Have they said when you’ll be starting?

@ForestFlowerFairy
How are you doing? Do you feel like you’re on the road to recovery after radio? Has there been any movement on the feeding tube?

How are you feeling in yourself? ❤️

@PatsFishTank
How about you? How is the inpatient chemo life going? I hope you’re feeling ok and the side effects are under control as much as possible.

@DanFmDorking
I imagine you’ve had the chemo pump removed by now? I bet you feel liberated? Is that it for treatment for you now? Must feel bloody good!

@FcukBreastCancer
A fire in the garden sounds really cosy! Sorry about the thrush, it’s bloody awful isn’t it 😬. Glad you’re healing, albeit slowly. What time is results on Friday? I’ll be thinking of you for sure.

@cantbelieveIamhere
You’re a tough cookie as Fcuk says! The cold cap, mitts and socks are one hell of a combination before you throw in the chemo, I take my (cold) hat off to you!

I’m only energetic as long as the kids are around, they’re like my batteries. As soon as they’re out the house with my family I seem to melt into fatigued oblivion and sleeeep. My DH got up with the kids this morning too and I slept until 12pm 😱. And hence the new cleaner, I just can’t keep up with the house, was starting to feel like I was living in a squat 😂. I had a massive clear out before she started (with the help of my marigold wielding mother) and we sent FOURTY TWO bin bags to the tip. Got rid of anything and everything that’s served no purpose in the last 6 months, was a great method. Normally I’m scared of throwing anything away but we were ruthless.

I’m so pleased your first treatment went well. The nurses really do make all the difference don’t they? I’m being treated at The Christie’s and I absolutely love catching up with the nurses and gossiping now.

And yes 🙌🏻 for the drugs now killing those cunty cancer cells!! How are you feeling today? Are you ok side-effects wise? Remember, plenty plenty plenty of fluid. You can’t drink enough water at the moment. Also an electrolyte shake a day won’t do you any harm either, I use Protein Works Advanced Hydration.

In my news, little fatfat is now in a cot, no longer her Next2Me crib. Her first night tonight. I feel a bit bereft. I’ve loved having her right next to me. She’s only at the end of the bed now but feels miles away. Going to miss being able to just roll over and plop her dummy back in, now I’ve got to actually sit up. TBH I’d be quite happy popping DH in another room and having both kids in my bed the cuddly little gargoyles. No action in this house at the moment anyway, I’d rather eat fried cat shit 😂.

Night sweats are also kicking my arse. All night last night I was waking up drenched in sweat, kicking covers off then shivering, cycle continues. I’ve not had a period since starting chemo too so that’s been strange although not entirely unpleasant. Also lost all hair now from the next down, my arms are silky smooth! Got my eyebrow top up next Thursday which I’m excited for. I had them microbladed before starting chemo in case they fell off, but weirdly the brows and lashes are clinging on in there. I’ve bought a couple of wigs too. My hair hasn’t shed yet but I’m thinking that the EC might do the job. I’m of the mindset that if the hair goes it goes. I also don’t think I’ll be good at tolerating a wig because I’m imagining it to feel itchy and scratchy on my head. I’m built for comfort more than anything so I’ve ordered some pretty headscarves too. Plus not averse to just rocking the bald look. It is what it is.

That series “Des” has just come on Netflix, based on the Brian Masters biography of Dennis Nilsen. The books is fantastic but quite hard going, but can highly recommend the series to anyone interested in true crime. Nilsen has always fascinated me the most, think I’m just a macabre weirdo!

Speaking of favourite films, I’ve just tried to think of an absolute top fave and I can’t. I can pick favourites from each genre, but if someone had a gun to my head and asked me to pick just one film I’d be scuppered. Every time I think of one I think of another and another. Same with books, I bloody love books. For me, Stephen King is my god but I also love Harry Potter 🫣 and Dean Koontz!

@cannaecookrisotto my life is unbelievably dull. I got a fever on Saturday evening (yes a Saturday Night Fever) and have spent the last couple of days with IV antibiotics attached, having blood transfusions, sweating and dozing. I'm getting really bored of being stuck in hospital and not wanting to eat (no exercise - no appetite) and having a sore bits on the edge of my mouth which makes eating uncomfortable.

My hair will fall out at some point but I don't have a plan for painting on eyebrows or anything. There was no time to consider it before being admitted and I'm useless with makeup.

I imagine I'll just get rid of any lingering hair. I can't imagine wanting to wear a wig.

Anyone on CAPOX

My sister did the red hand thing too @cantbelieveIamhere. I'm glad the DN managed to resolve it for you. How are you doing today? So pleased that you have started your treatment now!

Ah, sad movies - I avoid them as I have no self control. I watched Marley & Me years ago because I thought it was a RomCom with a lovely dog. Several boxes of tissues later...

We even managed to fail at Father Christmas one year @cannaecookrisotto - the little shitbag would not go to sleep! Every time one of us poked our head into his room he'd be bolt upright and asking it he was allowed to get up yet. DH and I fell asleep on the sofa in the end so the stocking remained in the living room. Luckily DS decided he'd get out of bed at some point after we fell asleep and snuggled in on the sofa too. This meant that in the morning he woke up in the same room as the presents. Incredibly fluky but managed to pull it off. Phew.

Thank you for being that twat 😁I think I spent too long on my own over the weekend and just stewed in my own thoughts. So whilst it was nice to have the place to myself for a change I'm not sure it did me any good. Lesson learned.

You will be there to see both of your girls through to their retirements! After the chemo is the surgery and then into recovery steps (Yay!).

I love movies and books too. I love Hitchcock and the old "Golden Age of Hollywood" movies. Apart from those I'd say my favourite genre is probably thriller, and then sci-fi. I don't like reading sci-fi though. I leave that to DH (who also reads physics text books and is, therefore, really weird). I'll read pretty much anything else though. I bought my dad "Killing for Company" decades ago which was about Nilsen and I remember reading it after he'd finished with it. Scared the bejesus out of me! I haven't watched Des - I'm too scaredy. I also lived in Crowthorne in Berkshire for a few years. It's the home of Broadmoor hospital and some of the stories the nurses would tell in the pub on a Saturday night would make your hair stand on end. There are some seriously disturbed people in this world. I read tons of Stephen King and other horror writers in my teens. The Shining was my favourite and I remember wearing a cross on a necklace for about 6 months after reading Salem's Lot! Stephen King is the best in his genre IMO.

Sounds like you had a very productive weekend. I'm very jealous
I have found that my head, even with it's lack of hair, gets very hot in a hat, even just a thin cotton one. I can't imagine that a wig would be very comfortable but I'd love to try one. A proper full on Tina Turner one
I haven't lost my eyebrows or eyelashes yet. I am thinking of doing eyebrow tattoos if I do lose them.

How are you feeling today @PatsFishTank ? Hopefully the antibiotics have done their job and broken the back of the fever. When you are feeling better can you take your drip and go for a walk around the hospital? I realise it's not very exciting but at least it would make a change from the ward. The hospital I was in had quite a few little courtyards with planters and benches where patients could go and take in the outdoors which was nice.

I swore I wrote a reply yesterday and yet it's not here, oh well
Firstly
Yay, Happy 18th Birthday to your son @Ventress

Side effects suck balls
My throat has totally closed so I'm not eating or drinking
My gums are calloused and rubbing on my teeth

I am however starting to sleep now I've stopped the steroids so that is a big improvement
And erm.....the pain meds appear to be working
So it isn't all bad, but I am so over being sick now
A tiny part of me wonders if this will ever end, and a bigger part of me is terrified I'll never eat again. I've gone from wanting to eat everything and saving recipes to feeling repulsed by food

@littlebilliiesorry, not on Capox, I'm not sure if anyone else here is.

@PatsFishTanki do hope you're feeling better, like you I'm not great with makeup, I love buying it, but totally clueless with it. This weekend my daughter visited and I said "make me look less dead" that's as good as it gets!

@cannaecookrisotto@Ventresstotal tooth fairy success in our house....and by success, kids learned very early tooth fairy gives £1 at Mums house and Dad gives anywhere between £5-£20 pending what notes are in his wallet, so they would hide every time they lose a tooth and magically lost it at their Dads. I saved a fortune 🤣