How to support nan during her treatment?

[Drummend01]

My Nan has sadly been diagnosed with non Hodgkin’s lymphoma and is undergoing treatment for it. She’s had her first round of chemo and will have that twice a month for at least 6 months. Unfortunately over the weekend things got worse and she collapsed, she’s had blood transfusions and will likely have these before each round of chemotherapy going forward to help with her quite severe anaemia. She is being kept in the hospital at the moment for monitoring.

She is very miserable, she lost my grandad to cancer a decade ago and she lost her friend last year too, they used to go to church together and knit. Knitting was her favourite thing and we got knitted gifts for Christmas every year but she doesn’t want to knit now or do any craft. We’ve offered to buy her stuff to take to the hospital but she’s not interested and actually gets quite frustrated at the suggestions.

Shes living with my parents most of the time she’s not at the hospital but she frustrated at that too but when she goes home she doesn’t eat or take care of herself properly. She’s tired of being poked and interrupted by nurses, but this is just the start of her journey. She’s been hiding food at the hospital to pretend she’s eaten it and said she doesn’t feel like eating because she’s too tired to chew.

We’ve told the hospital staff and they are monitoring her and assessing her for a care plan at home but she doesn’t want a carer going into her house either.

I don’t know how to help her, any advice from those who have been through cancer themselves or with a loved one would be really appreciated. We supported my grandad through his battle a decade ago but he remaining in good spirits the whole time and wanted to make the most of the time he has left, my nan doesn’t have that same outlook right now

Thank you

Your poor Nan, that sounds tough. I can only imagine what it would feel like to be facing the same disease her husband and friend died from.

She might be declining the knitting because she doesn't feel physically well enough and being reminded she's lost knitting is then upsetting her. It's sad but I would drop that for now. If she's poorly enough to need a blood transfusion then I don't imagine she feels up to knitting (I've had blood transfusions and when you're ill enough to need one, you feel terrible )

You mention the hospital assessing for a possible care plan, but what about psychological support? She sounds understandably very distressed and I would want to be exploring what support there is around that as much as the physical stuff.

Thank you for your reply, my mum did speak to the nurse at the current hospital and and the person who deals with her treatment plan (not sure the official title) at her local hospital where most of her treatment should take place and both of them have made notes and said she will be monitored both physically and mentally. Is there someone specifically we should speak to? Or something we should say to get people to realise the severity of it? All the staff are nice but they don’t seem too concerned about the mental health, but I guess they didn’t know her before so can’t see the behaviour change like we can

You should be able to check the details on the hospital website about all the services they have for cancer patients, but I would expect them to have a psychology service either for cancer patients specifically or patients generally (clinical health psychology).

I would directly ask them for a referral to the psychology service for cancer patients. (If you check their website first to see how their services are structured, it may make the conversation easier as it may tell you what they call it or how referrals work.)

However if your Nan doesn't want to attend any appointments they can't force her. So ask them also about wider psychological services and support in case there's anything lighter touch that she could or would attend.