8 year old son has lesions on skin, possibility of cancer. How do I talk to him about this?

[Salol28]

Hi everyone,

Very hard topic for me to talk about on here and is a horrible situation I'd never thought we'd be in. However, my son who has just turned 8 has 2 fleshy coloured lesions on his back and are rapidly growing, after multiple appointments with the GP and Dermatology we've got a 2WW urgent referral to the cancer clinic. No one had said explicitly it is cancerous yet as we've had no biopsy but the Dermatology department looked on the dermoscopy and basically said "we don't like the look of them" he also advised to save my DS any extra trauma he would advise just to get them removed.

My son knows we are getting the lesions checked and that they might need removing which he's really upset about and said he doesn't want to go. But how do I help him understand it could be dangerous if we don't. He's a very anxious boy in general and he has got a few other medical issues going on so it's such a lot for him to understand.
I also wondered if I do tell him it's cancer if that's what we get told or is it best to shield him from this as I assume once removed that will hopefully be that.

Does anyone have any experience with young children and this type of issue?

Also will he be put to sleep for a biopsy or surgery if this is required. So many questions are going on in my head and naturally I'm also worried that the lesions may return or spread as they are in 2 different areas on his back and the Doctor said they both present slightly differently.

Any advice/experience welcomed.

Thank you.

sorry to hear this

you could take a look at some of these support organizations and call for advice on how to talk to your child

www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/childrens-cancer/support-organisations/organisations

When my then 9 year old ds was diagnosed with a brain tumour, the doctor told him he had a "naughty lump" in his head so that's what it was always referred to.

He had surgery to remove the "naughty lump". When he had his radiotherapy and chemotherapy we explained that it was to stop the "naughty lump" coming back. He just accepted it.

I think its helpful to be honest but in child friendly terms and not too much detail.

We never told ds he had cancer but he wasn't stupid and we think he knew.

I hope the appointment goes well and all is benign. Will be thinking of you 💐

Honestly, I wouldn't tell him about possible danger levels, I would just make it non negotiable that he has the treatment. He's not of an age to make informed consent so you are acting in his best interests. Just tell him the procedure is happening and focus on supporting him through it.

@Salol28 - I'm sorry you're going through this.
I'm sure you can do a search yourself but these sites may be helpful -
Children's Health
Macmillan Cancer Support
Young Lives vs Cancer

Aww I'm sorry you've gone through that, must have been very scary. I hope he's now made a full recovery and is all okay?

Thanks for your advice, I definitely think for us we want to avoid the word 'cancer' or 'tumor' if we can as what good will that do. But he knows its something that needs sorting. It's just a lot for us all but we just want him to feel loved and supported.

This.

At this stage for him it’s no different to any other minor surgery a child might need like grommets or an ingrown toenail. Don’t discuss it beyond the basics of “you need a little operation, the doctor will put you to sleep and you’ll wake up when it’s finished, and mum and dad will be there”, and focus on something fun for afterwards.

Obviously I know that for you it’s very difficult and worrying, but it’s best if you try not to transfer that to him.

I am sorry you are faced with this situation OP.

It is quite normal to think of extremes when faced with something like this. Although I am a grown adult, I had two cancerous lesions removed from my back last year.

First the biopsy was taken in the rooms, and the area was numbed first, so there will be an injection or two involved I am quite sure. I am not sure they would do this under general. This is then sent away to histology to find out if it is indeed cancerous, and then if is basal cell, squamous cell etc (the degree).

I then had surgery (in the plastic surgeons rooms) to have both of them removed. Here I had a choice of whether to have this done in the rooms or under general, and I chose the rooms, only because I don't do well under general really.

As to whether to tell him. I don't think at this age you need to go into detail at all. If it is skin cancer then usually the offending area is cut out and then there will just be regular check ups thereafter. If it is all cut away then he should not have to have more surgeries there.

They will place a big plaster on the area which can't get wet for a week, and then the stitches will be removed, or they will dissolve depending on which they use.

You need to make the call here. It cannot be up to an 8 year old as to whether to go ahead and have them removed or not. This is way too big a decision for him to make.

Thanks! Very helpful to hear your story. I hope you are okay and now fully recovered. There's no doubt about it, that I want them removed, and your right he doesn't need to know exactly what it is.

Kids really don't deserve to have all these worries so I just want to make it as quick and less scary as possible for him.

I wouldn’t scare him with talk of cancer etc.

phrase it more preventative- the dr’s need to remove them now and make sure they won’t make you ill later on.

hopefully they excise them and all is well.

My son was told that he had a mole which could become cancer one day and that we needed to get it checked out so they could make sure they got it early. He’s fine, wasn’t traumatised by the idea. I think honesty or as close to is really helpful. They all can google and ask around so it’s not helpful to be too vague.

Kids get more scared of whispered conversations and know when adults hide things. Having said that, I wouldn't recommend saying it's cancer until it's confirmed it's cancer, as it might not be, and most kids think cancer equals no hair, being on a drip and people dying depending on your own family and friends experience. If it is cancer then doctors will tell you a treatment plan which you can share with him. Children need to know not just it's cancer, but that this is what they will do to treat it or stop it hurting more or feel better, whatever the prognosis.

With my child we told him he had a lesion on his brain which could cause bigger problems if not removed. I explained a lesion was a line or shape they saw on a scan which shouldn't be there. I told him the doctors would do tests once it was removed to work out how to treat it. I told him the doctors had ideas for treatment plans once they had more info from the tests.

Once it was identified as cancer I told him he had cancer, told him the type, explained they could treat it and found child friendly videos that explained the plan on a cancer specific site. If it is cancer, CCLG have lots of resources to support you and him and young lives Vs cancer have cancer specific books for children.

I would hold off and say no more than ‘Let’s remove them so they don’t make you feel uncomfortable or sore’ and then leave any deep discussions until you know what it is.

Keep any anxiety away from him as he may feed off that.

I'm sorry you are going through this. My DS has a ongoing condition and I spent too much time on children's wards. The main issue for most children is fear of needles, it seems minor to adults, but it's really not for them.
So take time to explain and get all the numbling cream, and brace yourself.

I think I'd tell the truth- the doctor doesn't know what they are but thinks they might be something that could get worse or hurt you if we don't deal with them quickly. It's not something we can give you a choice in as if you don't go it could be dangerous for you. I'm sorry you have to go through it, can you think of something fun we could do afterwards to take your mind off it?

This. Very sensible answer.
Let him ask all the questions and answer them honestly. Don’t use baby language. Say that he will be fine and the doctors are going to help him but this must be done when the doctors say or he will be more poorly.

I'm not sure that he will be given a general anaesthetic - that's something to check on at your appointment.

My mum had similar growths removed from her back. If he does, you might explore what cushions you have so that he can sit comfortably without leaning back on the affected area. She struggled for a while. Lying down was ok, but sitting needed preparation!

Best of luck for your little man x

@Salol28 I know this was a while ago but how did it turn out please? My grandson has just been booked in for a biopsy after his dermascope and we are all worried sick x

Hi, ohh I'm so sorry to hear this, it is really scary isn't it. Luckily for us it all came back benign and turned out to be molluscum, which in turn turned into a whole other issue but luckily he's all clear now. I have my fingers crossed for you that it's nothing to worry about. There were some links further up the post that you might find helpful. Best of Luck x

Thankyou for getting back to me. I've heard of molluscum, my son had one on his wrist years ago. I hope his other issue wasn't too serious x