Thanks!
I can feel shrinkage already, perk of having such a large lump.
From what I’ve learnt in the past few weeks, TNBC goes chemotherapy first then surgery. Unless it’s under a certain size and I definitely didn’t qualify.
Tbh I was that elated that CT shown no further spread (except lymph nodes) after those initial weeks of waiting for the full picture that I felt like I’d won the lottery. All I could think was “how can it be this big and have stayed local in the breast”.
It’s strange how our perspective on what constitutes “good news” is now isn’t it. What I really struggled with was that initial shock. Nobody suspected BC until the biopsies came back. I had 2 ultrasounds in August, one of which by a radiologist consultant, and all come back diagnosing a “Galctocele” (huge milk cyst). Even the letter sent to my GP diagnosed this. They only did biopsies because they found it unusually large for a cyst.
Then my appointment was called forward from the 10th Sept to the 1st. Said it was a change in doctor schedules. I was expecting an appointment to discuss removal of a milk cyst, I took my mum and I’m bloody glad I did, but I think she took it even worse than me. I thought they were going to have to get the defibs out for her and I was more bothered about her. We sat down and the doctor just came out with it, I’m sorry it’s cancer, said it’s Triple Negative and the rest was a bit of a blur.
Then up until the 15th were the wave of scans. Lymph US, mammograms, MRI, CT. Then I invoked my AXA insurance and got an appointment directly with the Oncologist who would be treating me at the Christie but as a private patient. Met with Onc, she confirmed stage 3 due to size and lymph involvement and I started chemo 2 days later. I only had private healthcare because my accountant was moaning last year that I need some expenses!
The biggest thing I’ve struggled with is that feeling of having the rug pulled from underneath my life. I was plodding along in my happy little naive bubble, life was good, new baby, easy job blah blah “won’t happen to me” then in swings Breast Cancer from the left tit.
So it was like getting my head around the fact that I had Breast Cancer and that it’s an aggressive big bastard, then more so that feeling of my life snowballing beyond my control. Those first few weeks felt like I was suddenly walking a tightrope over a cavern and all the safety nets had gone. Horrible.
Now I’ve got a plan and treatment has started, it’s as though some of the nets have started coming back. It’s not spread, they’re treating to get rid, my feet are touching the floor again.
I’m cold capping but it is what it is. It the hair goes it goes. I did manage to get eyebrows micro-bladed between diagnosis and starting treatment.
Mentally, now, I’m ok. I can’t do anything except run this hamster wheel of wankery and see where it flings me off. I’m carrying on as normal as much as possible, working when I can be bothered and just doing what I need to do to keep sane in the meantime.
Sorry for the essay, it’s been cathartic!!