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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

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Original poster

Think my dad has oesophagus cancer

22 replies

Totallybannanas · 03/04/2025 20:43

He is 80 this year and he had a camera down his throat today, after having symptoms vomiting, losing voice. Very likely to have cancer of oesophagus. Waiting for biopsy, but due a visit from nurses at home next few days. It doesn't sound good does it. He lives alone and I work full time. I've just left him and sat in the car crying after trying to stay positive with him but trying to process it. . How do families cope with this? My son's 17 and 20 adore him. Telling them will break my heart. I just don't know what I should be doing, how am I going to support him and care for him. I didn't go to the app today, luckily his elderly sister did. The guilt and helplessness is just killing me. I don't think he would have chemo at his age.

OP posts:

Whatatodo79 · 03/04/2025 20:48

You don't need to feel guilty. It's never easy realising our parents aren't going to live forever, somehow although we all know that it never really sinks in does it. Just take a day at a time and give yourself permission to be sad and upset. Hope he gets the support he needs from the hospital

Original poster

Totallybannanas · 03/04/2025 20:54

Thank you, I knew this day would come sooner or later. We just hoped it wouldn't be cancer. I know this is his worst fear, not death but the process.

OP posts:

Wishboneswishes · 03/04/2025 21:32

It’s such a shock for you all OP but you will find a way through this, one step at a time.

Also to say my Father 87 yo has had cancer for the past 6 years (not oesophageal - bowel and blood cancer) and he is on oral chemo and has been for almost 4 years and is living well. Don’t assume your Father won’t be offered treatment.

Keep your chin up and take things slowly. Find something good in every day. Sending hugs.

Original poster

Totallybannanas · 03/04/2025 21:44

Thank you both for replying. Sounds silly but sometimes it's easier talking to strangers. It feels pretty lonely right now and uncertain.

OP posts:

Biscuitburglar · 03/04/2025 21:57

I’m so sorry you’re facing this. It is such a shock when a parent gets ill but from travelling this road with both of mine I would say you really do have to take it a step at a time and not jump the gun and worry hugely about something that hasn’t happened yet. Yes, of course you’ll be worried, but try to stay calm as much as you can and face what’s actually happened, not what you are imagining, as often it doesn’t turn out the way your racing mind predicts!

Once you have a diagnosis there will be a medical team ready to talk through options and treatment plans and like a previous poster said, a cancer diagnosis doesn’t necessarily mean a swift exit! My DF has been living well with cancer for over ten years. Sending you very best wishes and strength at what I know is a really horrible time.

And I know it’s really hard but I’ve found it’s better to tell your DC as things happen rather than waiting for a good time. They will have time to process it then, just like you and you can face it together. I was so worried about telling mine but they have been so loving and supportive and grown up about it, and it’s important for them to go on that journey with you.

Original poster

Totallybannanas · 03/04/2025 22:25

Thank you, that's really good advice. I makes alot of sense. I wasn't sure whether to tell them now what we know or wait until we knew more details. Obviously still trying to process it, plus my son has work the next few days so worried how it will effect him. God adulting is tough.

OP posts:

PollyHutchen · 03/04/2025 22:41

This sounds really harsh, but your father is of an age when many people suffer from serious or disabling illnesses. It is hard to face that your Dad has a serious condition, and deal with your own feelings while also having to break unwelcome news to your children. But they are old enough to know that that frailty comes with old age. I have recently had the shock of learning that a family member has a serious health condition. I was really shaken by the news at first. But a few days further on and I realise I am beginning to process it and think.more clearly about how I can help my relative.

Kneens · 05/08/2025 21:22

Hi @Totallybannanas Hope it’s okay to resurface your thread. Looking for support as I find myself in similar circumstances to you. My DF has been diagnosed with oesophageal cancer which has spread to his liver.
How is your DF? And you?

Flux1 · 06/08/2025 23:35

My DF was recently diagnosed with same Kneens. Sorry to hear your Dad is going through similar.

Keepcalm21 · 07/08/2025 22:41

My lovely DF has had a similar diagnosis too. He has started chemo. Its been tough going. @Totallybannanas@Kneens@Flux1Wishing you and your DFs the best x

Flux1 · 07/08/2025 22:47

Gosh too many dads suffering. DF is not getting chemo. He has finished some radiotherapy to try to help with eating and to keep him more comfortable.

MissFritton65 · 07/08/2025 23:03

Sadly my husband (59) is Stage 4 with oesophageal cancer - it's horrible! Thoughts and hugs to all those who are suffering or supporting family members.

Flux1 · 07/08/2025 23:28

So sorry MissFritton - so young. Wishing him a full recovery 🙏

Kneens · 08/08/2025 07:18

So sorry to hear you’re in similar positions @Flux1 @Keepcalm21 @MissFritton65.
My DF is still waiting to discuss his treatment plan having only got the liver diagnosis at the start of this week. I don’t live locally to him and I just don’t know how to discuss this over the phone. He was feeling fairly positive until he found it had spread to the liver

MissFritton65 · 08/08/2025 07:27

@Kneens unfortunately until you know the treatment plan, there is very little that you can do other than offer support. Is your Dad able to eat much?

Kneens · 08/08/2025 08:43

MissFritton65 · 08/08/2025 07:27

@Kneens unfortunately until you know the treatment plan, there is very little that you can do other than offer support. Is your Dad able to eat much?

No he’s not really able to eat. He has been given those supplements (cannot remember the name 😳) and before they discovered it had spread they had planned for chemo, op, chemo as long as he maintained his weight (he’s lost around 2 stone to date).

MissFritton65 · 08/08/2025 08:48

@Kneens Ensure? My husband was the same - initially they'd said Stage 3 so chemotherapy followed by the operation and then more chemotherapy but unfortunately they found some "specks" on his diaphragm so couldn't then operation so now Stage 4. He lost almost 3 stone but has had a stent fitted and can now eat more normally. He's having 6 sessions of chemotherapy and immunotherapy and we are hoping for the best.

Tracey555 · 08/08/2025 09:49

I lost my mum to oesophageal cancer, it was during Covid, I feel sure she would have had better treatment and support if it wasn’t in those times. Sending hugs

Flux1 · 08/08/2025 10:54

I've joined the Facebook site 'Oesophageal Cancer and Carers' for advice from others going through similar and I'm finding it helpful x

MissFritton65 · 08/08/2025 12:52

@Flux1 I'm in that group also; it's excellent for advice and support.

Original poster

Totallybannanas · 08/08/2025 13:36

I'm so sorry everyone is experiencing this with their loved one. It's been pretty tough emotionally. DF is stage 4 and had a stent fitted. It's not spread to his stomach and causing lots of pain. He has struggled with he diagnosis form the onset, suffering with extreme anxiety which has made him very needy. It's been tough.

OP posts:

Keepcalm21 · 27/09/2025 20:44

@Totallybannanas Just seen your update on the other thread. Am so so sorry for your loss.

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