Mum and dad diagnosed with cancer one week apart

[TeenLifeMum]

Feeling totally numb right now and friends are all busy tonight so I can’t put on them so posting here.

Last Friday dm called to let me know she has breast cancer. Very slow growing but can’t be treated for 3 months as she’s on other medication for a blood clot. Then tonight df called, he has lung cancer. For further context, mum’s sister died of breast cancer and dad’s dad died of lung cancer in his early 60s. They are 70 and 72. I’ve no idea how to support them right now. They live just over an hour away and I work full time with 3 teens. Head is spinning.

Are they still together or have they separated?

I am so very sorry, how awful for all of you. Please try and seek some support for yourself via McMillan or similar.

Be strong for them. You don’t have to be physically close or constantly available - just the person they love and in whom they can trust at this frightening time.

I'm sorry, that's really difficult for all of you. I don't have advice but didn't want to not comment, especially given how late it is. I'm sure somebody will be along soon with something more useful. ❤

Still very much together. Dad was planning to take mum for her daily radiotherapy post op but he’ll likely be recovering from his own op and having treatment.

I’m not really sure there’s anything helpful anyone can say but it’s nice to have somewhere to share/vent so thank you everyone for replying.

Do you have siblings? Or just you.
That is very hard news to receive. I am sorry

What an awful shock for you.

I'm so sorry you've had to process such awful news not once but twice.

I don't have any valuable advice really, but if you have a sibling, do try to lean on each other and share the 'load'.

I hope your mum and dad's cancers are able to be treated so that you have time with them both

Sibling lives an 11 hour flight away with big time difference but we’ll definitely message each other. We sent mum a massive bunch of flowers to say we’re with her and love her. Now I’m like - wtf do we send dad that’s similar 🤷🏻‍♀️ (I know that’s a dumb thing to focus on but I don’t know the answer and want him to feel just as loved).

I have an amazing husband and wonderful teenagers (although trying to protect them right now - not sure they’re buying it because I’m emotional and cry at random things on the tv so my lack of emotion is probably suspicious).

He will feel loved with the flowers as well, he/they both know how much you love them. What a dreadful situation to be in but everything crossed that they both cope well with the treatment and come out of the other side.

Lean on your good friends, this will be a tough time but you'll get through it as a family together xxx

I think the friends are making me feel quite alone (I’m sure unintentionally). One good friend has stuff in her life and seems unable to comprehend others might be having shit times. Maybe it’s an age thing but everyone seems wrapped up in their own lives. I told a couple about mum and got very little reaction. I think people just don’t know what to say - and I do get that.

That's rotten. Sorry Op.

Does he like Chocolates or nice coffee or something, could you send him something like that with a Get Well Soon balloon ?

Can you take time out to visit them this weekend? You might feel better if you see them.

Practical things you can do from a distance, Online food shop, if they are both poorly getting food delivered could be one less thing for them to worry about,
Domestic help, find a cleaner if they don't have one,
Same with grass cutter,
Find out if there is any volunteer patient transfer services.

For the Domestic stuff it might be worth speaking with Social work if that's something they can help with.

I don't know how you bring this up but do they both have upto date wills?

Im with you OP.

One parent has blood cancer and the other parent has been diagnosed with significant valve disease which can only be managed.

I am so overwhelmed by anxiety at the moment and grieving because i can see that i may not have them too much longer. ( they are 71 and 72)

I am about an hour and 20 minutes away , i also work and have fledglings going off to uni . Im perimenopausal and this is just soo much to bear .

I think i will end up spending half my week with them and trying to make things easier.

Do nudge them to get POAs done and wills.

Our family has also been ravaged my cancer . i really really empathise . Sending hugs.

See if the hospital they are attending has a maggies or Macmillan centre you can pop in to. They support relatives as much as patients. Your parents should be able to get hospital transport to appointments. It's one less thing to worry about.

Depending where you are if your worried about transport etc there maybe charities that are around to help. I know South Yorkshire has one which takes people to hospital for their chemo etc, look into things which can help ease the strain of appointments etc if they are both under treatment at the same time. If you know what treatment your dad will be having there are some great hamper ideas of things to pull together to help ease the symptoms of treatment etc

I’m so sorry OP. Thats really hard for you. It must be a terrible shock. Try to look after yourself too.

You poor thing, how sad, that's a lot to deal with.

Unmumsnetty hug <hug>

Perhaps you “got very little reaction…from the couple you told” because they were in shock at the realisation that such shocking news is closer to home than they’d thought.
Sending you a hug and strength OP. x