DH being treated differently at treatment center

[Lilgreygoose]

I don’t know what I hope to gain from this but feeling so deflated.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year. I was spared going through chemo, but did surgery, radiation and now on hormone therapy which is not going particularly well.

The general treatment I have received from the cancer treatment center (not NHS) has not been that great: disinterested staff going through the motions, stuff not being ready eg. go in for a blood draw appointment, there’s no blood draw order on file; being left in consulting room (not the waiting room) for around 45 minutes before being seen; people having no idea why I’m there because Dr hasn’t completed referral notes. It’s endless, literally some snafu at every single appointment and I feel like I’ve been through a meat grinder.

My husband has developed a (hopefully non-cancerous) condition that is treated in the same center. I accompanied him to his appointment today.

What a difference: nurses all smiley and warm; offering him drinks and warm blankets; everything ready; no waiting. The nurse literally said in front of me how lovely it was to see him and that the haematologist had told her in advance what a “great guy” he was and how it was a really nice way for her to start her day.

They treat him totally differently.

While I’m happy for him he is having a better experience, it’s left me feeling really, really low. It just doesn’t seem fair.

I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation recently (fast and irregular heartbeat) can't complain about my treatment but I was given a British Heart Foundation booklet on it and there were two case studies in it of patients telling their stories. One a 60 yo man who diagnosed straight away and a 70 yo women whose identical symptoms were initially put down to anxiety.

It’s really interesting that you say that. We were handed a slip of paper in reception- they are conducting a survey today on hand washing/sanitising for winter illnesses.

Perhaps staff got wind that they were being “tested” today but aren’t quite sure what it’s about.

Neither staff member sanitised before touching him 🤢 The nurse fitting the iv did wear gloves though.

It's two different departments one is clearly shit athough probably overworked and the other has different staff whi are nice by the sounds of it.

My cancer treatment (under haematology) has been incredible. I've been admitted many times so have experienced several other departments at the same group of hospitals, and none have been as good as haematology. It seems to attract good staff, at my hospital at least. For what it's worth, both me and DH have had cancer and both had excellent treatment, I haven't seen any difference in how the men are treated vs the women.

Anyone who doesn't think that misogyny is completely rampant in the uk nhs is in cloud cuckoo land. It's well known.

I would wait a while and see how things go at future appointments and then perhaps contact PALS.

My experience at the local bc centre was wonderful bar one extremely irritated nurse who had absolutely no patience with me for some reason. I was extremely confused about what I'd been actually diagnosed with as she'd played it down at the appointment. Only to be told by her that it was "a cancer" when I rang back. There were some other things that happened later with her and it was extremely difficult to be treated like that alongside everything else that was going on, including hormone therapy which I agree can be very hard for some women.

I'm sorry about your experience. Is your DH a particularly charismatic person, or good looking? Nurses might treat him well if they fancy him! I had cancer and was treated so well by all the nurses and doctors.

when I complain about side effects doing a number on me, the response is: but you look well enough.

This very much sniffs of medical misogyny.