Angry!!

[Enigma52]

Feeling so full of anger and bitterness.

Primary BC 2009. Mastectomy, chemo and tamoxifen.

Sarcoma in womb 2023 and metastatic BC in all reproductive organs. Full hysterectomy. Hormone blockers and anti cancer drugs.

Secondary lung cancer 2023.

My body feels butchered, cut and poisoned.

Menopause is kicking my arse hard and I can't have my HRT ever.

Im full of rage and I'm only 53.

Of course you are cross. Honestly who wouldn't be?

I've only got the primary breast cancer but you've had shit after shit thing happen.

Something would be wrong if you weren't mad as hell!

Yes I'm bloody raging! 😡

Do you think it may be like grief and this is the stage you are at?

Of course you are angry. You've been cut open and poisoned and done everything you can and none of it is f*cking fair and you are too young for all of this anyway.
I totally get your rage, I get it too.
I'm working on breathing exercises and positivity (sounds ridiculous- as if that could really help) Somedays cancer just kicks my arse so I'm also working on just finding outlets for it so that it doesn't impact on my lovely family.
Just know you aren't alone- and if it helps to lean into the rage then do it!

Yes, it's grief. I long for my life pre cancer, pre mastectomy, pre reconstruction, pre hysterectomy and pre secondary cancer. But I can't change what's happened , I have to learn to accept once again. Just like when I had my mastectomy and reconstruction, I was so angry that cancer had done this to my body, I felt betrayed.

Thankyou ❤️
It's very hard. I feel I don't know my own body any longer; always wondering what it's going to do next!

I definitely need to find outlets for this rage because it's not healthy I know. I will try the breathing when it starts to consume my brain. I feel my body wants me dead; I mean 3 cancers and the final one being stage 4.. just can't get my head around it.

Hello @Enigma52

There's an article in the Guardian where a woman has written in for advice as she's angry after being diagnosed with breast cancer.

It might help you to take a look at it?

Will see if I can link to it.

@Enigma52

www.theguardian.com/society/2024/sep/22/i-have-cancer-how-can-i-stop-my-anger-from-engulfing-me

Honestly it makes me rage. How much can one person take!! My DM has had cancer twice in 2 years, a few surgeries, biopsies, scan after scan after scan, radiotherapy and now after a recent scan they’ve found a mass which is also affecting lymph nodes so here we go again.

also super angry and I’m sorry you are going through it. if you don’t mind me asking have you been through counselling? DM has found it enrages her even more!

@Wallawallakoala Sorry to hear about your DM, it's truly hideous isn't it? I don't know what to say, other than it sucks and I really hope she will be okay.

Counselling? I did consider it, but no I'm not having any. I'm too full of rage to do anything productive and I do believe you need the right personality to connect with.

I truly believe some of us are just bloody unlucky in life. I'm meant to feel grateful for being alive, well I don't feel grateful!

Thanks for the link @tothelefttotheleft will take a look.

And I'm more angry that I can't have my HRT ever again. It's just not fair!!

It is frustrating because there’s so many things we are told to be grateful for and I’m sure we are. But bloody hell. Also all the well-meaning things people say make me angry. DM handles this well but I can see she’s fuming when they say things like “no news is good news” and the like. Not sure if you get the same sort of stuff!

https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/health/a43897336/early-menopause-survival-guide/

The ‘plan b’ section for if hrt not an option