Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer - how long has he got?

[ohnoohnoohnoohno]

My DH 80y father was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer 10 weeks ago. My DH has moved in with him and caring for him full time which is a huge strain on his own mental health. I know it's a piece of string but had anyone got any idea how long this might go on for? It's heartbreaking watching both of them suffer.

For context his father also has dementia. He is still up and about a bit during the day although very unsteady on his feet. He's hardly eating and has lost significant amounts of weight. He is sleeping large chunks of the day. Vomiting has been an issue but he is on anti sickness meds which are helping. Just in case meds have been prescribed.

Thank you

I cared for my DH at home until his last few days. He had prostate cancer. He was admitted to the hospice when I couldn't manage to keep him comfortable any more. At that point I was shocked to realise how many trained staff, how much equipment and what close drugs monitoring was needed to help him. There was no way a single person, let alone an untrained one, could have done that at home.

Before he went into the hospice we had a couple of truly horrible days at home when it was clear we needed more help, but because of Bank Holidays it just wasn't possible to arrange. The speed of his decline scared both of us.

Your DH may feel it's his duty to care for his father, but sometimes it's just not possible to provide the level of care needed. Maybe the best way for him to fulfil that duty is to arrange for others who can.

An unexpected bonus of going into the hospice was that I was able to set aside the carer role and go back to being a wife for the last few days. That was invaluable too.

84yo mum - 4 months from diagnosis. She probably had symptoms much earlier but had hospital anxiety and wouldn’t admit to anything out of the ordinary. She didn’t have any treatment as it was not useful in her case.

From your messages i note that the cultural context is different here, although I tend to think your FIL should (and would in many countries) be receiving hospice and palliative care by now. It sounds to me like he probably has weeks to live.

Can you hold off telling him until you know anything definite?
It's usually very short with pancreatic cancer.
Can he get some night sits via the palliative care team to ease the strain ?

The overwhelming majority of these 2 week pathway referrals end in finding no abnormality at all or something minor like a polyp that is quickly and easily dealt with and is not dangerous. The referral is done on a very cautious better safe than sorry basis.

I have had two of these referrals, first was a polyp which was quickly removed and the second confirmed no abnormality.

Please try not to worry though I know this is very difficult. So sorry your family is going through this

Thank you everyone for your replies. I wonder if he will get to a stage where my DH won't be able to cope anymore. But at the moment he feels it's his duty to do this.

10 weeks so far. Seemingly a very very slow decline.

I haven't told DH yet about the referral. I can't find the words even though I know the likely outcome is fine. I just don't want to tip him over the edge.

Just as info, my mum was going really well. I saw her on the Wednesday - all good, one day later she just went down and the palliative care people attended and put her on a morphine driver to control any pain. She died 3 days later. I suppose my point is that the decline can be very quick.

@Frozensun I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Thank you for sharing your story.