Absolutely bricking it biopsy!

[PaperbackWrighter]

Absolutely terrified about getting breast biopsy results tomorrow at consultant appt! Told by radiologist it looked ominous at ultrasound. Just need my hand held! 🥺

Thanks @BeaLola @Onelessboob and @Waytogoidaho - so good to hear your stories

@PaperbackWrighter
hi - don’t mind you asking at all! No, not health insurance, nhs. They said I would hear about the mri but after a few days I hadn’t heard so rang the mri department. I’m not sure but I may have got someone’s cancellation - they said they would get back to me, then rang about 5 minutes later to see if I could go today. Might be worth calling yours?? Haven’t got the results yet though.
how are you feeling with it all? Xx

@PaperbackWrighter
surgery hopefully lumpectomy - but I think they will confirm when they have the mri results..

@bewilderedhedgehog Thanks for sharing. I rang the MRI dpt this morning and they'd already allotted me one and sent out a letter but not rung me! So it's 9.30 this Friday, then hopefully I get seen the following week after the Tuesday MDT meeting with the results and next steps. I don't know whether mine will be lumpectomy (that's my hope), as they can only see one small area so far, but I have moderately dense breasts apparently so they need the MRI to see if it's elsewhere in the breast. (My mammogram didn't even show anything was wrong!) I spoke to my nurse today and she said they couldn't book the surgery before they have the results, though it will happen within a month of being initially seen last week.

I was surprised to see on the appt letter that MRI is for both breasts - was yours?

Have to say today is the worst I've felt since diagnosis. Feel utterly wretched and terrified about stage and grade of cancer. I've been told provisionally grade 2 but obviously stage unknown at present.

@bewilderedhedgehog I've had some issues with health anxiety in the past, so I think they're coming to the fore today. My neighbour is a clinical psychologist with stage 1 melanoma himself, just removed, and all good. I'm going in for a cup of tea at 4. Hopefully day will improve after that!

@PaperbackWrighter
I am so sorry not to have posted sooner. I typed quite a long reply but have somehow lost it - think I couldn't have pressed post somehow.

I am sorry you feel so wretched - sounds like how I felt on Monday. I hope you are feeling a little better today, but this process keeps throwing up surprises for us. Right now I feel disengaged. Am trying to keep up with work amid bookings, cancellations and rebookings. And feel very patronised in the process. If anyone else says "bless you, how are you feeling?", I may well say exactly how I feel.
If it helps, I have decided - apart from on mumsnet which I am finding helpful - not to discuss the operation or anything associated with it until a week today to see if that helps at all! I figure at least it will give me a break.
I hope the MRI goes well. I found it OK - somewhat undignified, but OK.
must go out now but will try and post a bit later if you are around xx

thank you@bewilderedhedgehog lovely to hear from you. Oh I know re things people say - 'take one day at a time' - as if it's possible to take two at once and propel myself into next week! I'm quite honest when people ask how I feel as I find that more helpful (not sure they always do, one friend got a lot of swear words this morning, not to her but about the situation). However I need to switch off from it some more as my anxiety has been getting the better of me, not helped by some late-night Googling last night. Won't make that mistake again. Work is very quiet which is not helping. But I'm helping out every evening till Saturday with a local am dram production, backstage, which gives me some normality as it's something I've done often in the past (thank goodness I didn't audition for the production as if I'd got a part I'd be trying to do that right now!). Anyway, no one but one friend knows, so I never have to discuss it there. Hope things improve for us both, but sounds like you are doing well xx

hi - yes I think switching off from it is good - helping out on the production sounds like a very good distraction! I think you were having the MRI today - how did you get on??
I am ok today - better for keeping away from thinking about it too much!
Let me know how you are when you have a moment xx

Hi @bewilderedhedgehog hope you are doing ok this weekend. Well the production is over now so my busyness and routine with other people has stopped (I work mainly alone, for myself, and always at home which is throwing up other problems like not getting paid when I’m recovering from op etc and potentially missing out on substantial projects too). Anyway, I’m tired today and also feel like I’m just waiting now to see if my results make it in time for the mdt meeting on Tuesday and see consultant this week, or whether I have to wait yet another week. I don’t know how I’d mentally cope with waiting another week. How are things with you? (No rush to reply, just in your own time) Xx

@PaperbackWrighter
thank you for your update, and sorry you are tired. Weekend is ok. Have surgery next Saturday so have got what I need I think. Want to get it over with now. I am also self employed, so like you, am thinking about the financial impact….
really hope you don’t have to wait another week - I find the uncertainty quite difficult. It just hangs around and I don’t concentrate well…
how did you find having the mri??

Oh so glad you have your op booked for next Saturday @bewilderedhedgehog that must be a great relief. Damn it you’re self employed too - such a pain for us but until this I loved the freelance life mind you. I found the MRI fine - tho bit undignified like you said before. I had mine first thing in the morning and hadn’t managed breakfast which was a bit of a mistake as felt a bit woozy after. Wasn’t expecting the contrast tho had had that before with a CT scan in the past.

Well, best laid plans. Surgery cancelled pending other scans, following findings on the MRI -not breast related. Am feeling pretty low.
@PaperbackWrighter how are things with you today? Fingers crossed for your mdt tomorrow! xx

So sorry to hear this @bewilderedhedgehog but hopefully your surgery will be organised soon. It’s all so hard, this stuff, so hard to get our heads around. I hope the other scans are happening soon. Your hospital/trust seems very quick, so I’m sure they will be. As for my mdt meeting, I’m not convinced my mri results will make it to this one. I wish they had them more frequently. Xx

@PaperbackWrighter
hello! Did your results get to the mdt ok? Have just had ct scan - results in a week or so….
how are you feeling? Xx

@bewilderedhedgehog Great you got the CT scan so quick - they are really on it in your trust! My results did get to the MDT - hooray! But they found something they want to investigate in the left breast, and need do so by MRI-guided biopsy. No idea when that will be, but I’m seeing the consultant tomorrow for him to explain it all. Feeling ok, but just want to find out stuff and have my surgery! Have a plan at last. How are you feeling? Xx

As in I would like to have a plan! Btw, my original growth found is on my right breast, so left is new, but I think lobular BC is at higher risk of being bilateral. Certainly, a book group friend had it and had in both,

@PaperbackWrighter
hi! Good luck with your appointment today. I know what you mean about having a plan…I just need to know! Things are moving for both of us though which is good..
Will have everything crossed for you xx

@bewilderedhedgehog Keeping everything crossed for you too. What a day I've had. Went to the appt and discussed that I may have BC in left breast too, and saw the MRI images, but it may not be, so the MRI guided biopsy will tell us for sure. But if it is cancer I think it's past a lumpectomy - eek. Also, I casually mentioned I'd had 3 great-aunts who all got breast cancer youngish, so they whisked in the genetics specialist breast nurse. She wanted me to find out more info about the ages they were diagnosed and report back in case they thought I needed to do the gene test. So between my memories of what my grandfather told me years ago, my elderly DM and her one remaining cousin who she phoned, we've come up with twin sisters both diagnosed in their 40s, and one other sister diagnosed in her 30s or 40s but maybe ovarian cancer or even another one altogether (but I remember being told it was BC). Bearing in mind this all happened from 1930s to early 60s so all felt very random. But team think probably best for me to have the test, results of which can take four weeks! However if the MRI guided thing comes back negative I'll get booked in for a lumpectomy and we won't worry too much about the gene test. (I've spent most of the evening trying to locate the oldest great aunt's death certificate online without success who was born in 1894. Crazy!) I hope your day's been OK - I bet you haven't spent it looking up ancestors' death certificates! Hoping you get your results very soon.

@PaperbackWrighter
what a day! You must be reeling…hopefully the mri guided biopsy will happen soon and show nothing else. I have done quite a bit of family history research - if another pair of eyes might help, please let me know! Do you have a date for the biopsy yet?
I have had a different rollercoaster day.. had ct scan yesterday then surgery was reinstated for Saturday. I assumed this meant the ct was clear so good news but then found they don’t have the ct result so am just confused! MDT tomorrow so should know after that. Also booked in for a bone scan in 2 weeks. Feels like I now have 2 full time jobs…
Either way I am taking Friday off! Plan A - prepare for surgery or Plan B - try to relax..
How are you coping emotionally? I am very up and down ..keep telling myself it is not surprising…

@bewilderedhedgehog I bet you're looking forward to your day off tomorrow, am so glad they've reinstated surgery for Saturday - even if they don't have CT scan results yet. Perhaps because it's totally unrelated? (And hopefully nothing anyway.)

No date for biopsy yet - went in today for my gene test and nurse said she'd be chasing them today or tomorrow. (Have to go to a specialist place for this.) I'm really hoping it comes back negative as otherwise I think I'd be looking at a mastectomy on that one as the lumps/formations are all over the quadrants. Then I guess if they're removing one why not the other? Yikes. They always said to me there was a chance I'd need a mastectomy so it wasn't a total shock to hear it being raised but still...

On the family tree, I have the death certificate of who I'm hopeful is the unaccounted-for great-aunt coming on 17 July! Unfortunately she moved to England where I have to say it's not so easy to find certificates for births, deaths, marriages etc. Not compared to the Scottish site anyway. Interesting you have experience of family tree stuff - have you researched quite far back then?

Emotionally, I'm all over the place. Today was a good day (weirdly, as I may be facing a double mastectomy) but I think I feel closer to some certainty and answers even tho I'm not there yet. But then my friend rang (who's very measured to the extent I would say not very in touch with her feelings at all) and she peed me right off and put me in a bad mood! How have you been today?

@bewilderedhedgehog Just realised your message was from last night and you had your MDT today - how did it go? xx

@PaperbackWrighter
hi! Glad the nurse is pushing for the biopsy - hope it comes through soon. I know what you mean about certainty - it is the uncertainty and waiting which is so very stressful. And feeling out of control of the situation.
my scan came back clear on my spine so that was good news and surgery booked for Saturday. I now need to shop as have no decent nightwear! And it’s stressful enough without very ratty pyjamas…
have been researching how to wash my hair and will have several options available I think as it seems I won’t be able to lift my arm easily initially. The hospital booklet has advice on housework but I am ignoring that page. I have taken the day off tomorrow to shop and clean the house. Did food shopping tonight. Any other housework apart from the dishwasher can just wait.

So you found the right great aunt then! I do hope that the gene test is negative for you. Will cross everything until we know! I keep thinking how strange it is that a few weeks ago everything was normal and now it’s like having another full time job just keeping up with it all…

Fingers crossed you get the biopsy date tomorrow xxx

@bewilderedhedgehog Definitely ignore the housework page! Hair washing is an interesting one. Will be interested to hear how you do that. I have the worrying image in my mind of returning to my teenage days with dry shampoo! Just thinking you won't be able to type for a bit afterwards to update, unless you're a dab hand at typing with your other hand!!

So pleased your spinal scan came back clear - you're all set now!

I know what you mean re a few weeks ago was normal. I remember finding a lump a few days after my birthday in May and thinking oh God. I turned 50 as well. What a way to do it!

Sleep well and don't do too much cleaning tomorrow. Have some time for you too! xxx

Thankyou so much! Will update when I can and hopefully you will have news of biopsy date as well. We can do this xxxx

@bewilderedhedgehog Too right we can! Thinking of you tomorrow and after. Hope you’ve done something nice today as well as chores! Speak soon xxx