A hand hold please

[bewilderedhedgehog]

Hi. I have just got home to find a breast screening recall letter and appointment for 17 June. Was trying to stay calm but have just checked my breasts and found a large lumpy area. It is my dad’s funeral the same week as the appointment. I would welcome some support please. I don’t feel able to tell anyone irl aside from my (relatively new) partner. My best friends dad has just died too and my family are dealing with my fathers sudden death. All advice welcome please

Hi op, I have been through similar recently. I'm also a single parent to my son - happily 20 now, but always my little boy. His DF died 7 years ago, so I'm the only parent he has.
I told him after I got the results of the biopsy, which although cancerous, only grade 1, so not too bad. I was glad I could tell him I'd found it early ( felt the lump, I can't overstress the importance of self-checks as it barely showed up on scan, and my mother's got missed on a scan too). It does help to be able to inform them of a plan to get it sorted. I think if I'd told him at the biopsy stage, that would of been 2 of us worrying extra.
Luckily he has support of his GF, who understands well as her mother went through it 5 years ago. My mother is still alive and well 17 years on from hers and she needed chemo, which I don't need luckily. It's good you have your DP as support, I had the biopsy alone, which was OK, I got lucky with the Consultant Sonographer, as she was lovely, have had friends and son with me since for appointments.
The gaps between results and treatment are the most frustrating, but it tends to be less than 2 weeks mostly. I'm just waiting for radiotherapy to start now, once that's over I'll be done - apart from 5 years of tamoxifen.
I've found concentrating on diet and fitness helpful, and I usually go to sleep listening to BBC podcasts - anything of interest that focuses the mind on other things until I doze off. Whatever the outcome, its usually treatable and you will come out the other side.

Not BC, but my husband was recently diagnosed with a serious health condition and we needed to tell our adult (28) son. Here's what seemed to work best for us...

We waited until we had a confirmed diagnosis and had met with a specialist. We gave him all the facts then discussed the things that we knew he'd be worried about but wouldn't want to ask - could my husband recover? Was the condition curable? We asked the specialist about any genetic components so we were able to reassure my son about that.

Mainly we tried to project confidence and remained upbeat.

It's a balance of giving honest, unvarnished information but stressing the positives so as not to cause undue anxiety. I've been so proud of how supportive my son has been!

Thank you to everyone for sharing your experiences. Really helpful from a practical point of view and also very clearly there are many of us going through the same process. One piece of good news I forgot to mention is that there was a cyst next to the suspicious lump which was making it seem much larger. Now that it has been drained the actual lump is smaller so that’s good at least..

Breast cancer runs through my family unfortunately. My nan got it at 63 … she discovered the lump after having a funny itch. She went to doctors who discovered the lump. She had a mastectomy and the cancer preventative tablets after. She survived it and died last year at 90 from old age :(.
I have never seen a woman as strong as my Nan. And the NHS were so efficient.
Stay positive x

@Opentooffers good luck with the treatment. I’ve seen many of your posts on here and you are so kind and wise! Much love and respect to you ❤️

Sorry it’s not good news op, and good luck with your treatment. I am so glad you have the support of your partner too.

Thank you for all your kind words :) MN really is a community... Will update next week. Anyone in the same position please do post as well - it has been truly helpful

My daughter (32) has today been diagnosed with breast cancer. We are all devastated but trying to be strong for her. She has a young baby and a lovely husband. I don't know where to turn. I hope 'Bewilderedhedgehog' that you and my daughter can sail through and come out at the other side a stronger person. We'll be there to help her all the way but we're in for a difficult ride. Best of luck to you too.

I am so sorry I missed this on Friday. It was my father’s funeral and I didn’t look online yesterday either. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. Please use this thread to share your thoughts and fears. I will try and find out how to ask mumsnet to rename it as a thread for those of us, and families, going through a recent diagnosis. Does your daughter have a treatment plan yet? I had biopsy last week and they have made an appointment for Wednesday this week for treatment plan. Am thinking of you and your daughter xxx

Sorry I meant to add - there is so much research now and the treatments are good - I am hopeful and although I expect there will be good and bad days, I am optimistic about the future. I have not yet told my family as my father recently died so only my partner knows plus a couple of close friends and mumsnet xx

Thank you. My daughter is having CT scan and seeing the Oncologist on Monday. We'll have a better idea after that, it'd be good to keep in touch. I am so sorry that you're going through this at the same time as losing your father too. Best of luck next week xx

Yes we too are hopeful. Breast cancer now has one of the most successful outcomes. It's just so hard to see your daughter going through it. I'd take it from her myself in a heartbeat if I could 😭😭😭

Hi everyone. Had my appointment today. Cancer is stage 1, grade 2. Some more info required, but surgery booked for 13 July. Hospital and surgeon were really good, had pre-op assessment today as well.

Usuallyhappy - how are things? xx

Even though it’s cancer, it sounds very treatable and caught in time with a fast turnaround. Keep upbeat, you are in good hands.
I suppose you will be telling the dc now that you have the wider picture x

Thankyou - have told two of them. The third has various things this week so will tell her on Friday. I do feel very positive although am sure there will be ups and downs. Need to cancel my holiday though which I was really looking forward to….

must find out how to rename this thread.

Sorry to hear your news. There is a very helpful community of women who are going through cancer on Mumsnet on the health boards (look under "General Health" for "cancer support thread 94"). It is a safe place for people who are going through tests and treatment to share their experiences and say things that they might not want to say to friends and family. You will find warm support and hugs over there (I do not have cancer and so I do not post on there- I do have a life limiting illness however and I occasionally lurk to draw inspiration from these brilliant women and their approach to life after a health shock,)
Sending love and best wishes:

Bewilderedhedgehog, despite your diagnosis, I'm very happy to hear your cancer is grade 2 and at stage 1. Which makes your outcome incredibly curable which of course is great news. My daughter has a grade 3 cancer which is an aggressive form and common for her young age. We don't know yet what stage she has but are assured from her oncologist that she will be cured as it has been picked up early. She will have a year of intense treatment including chemo, immumotherapy and a lumpectomy. Processing all this information has been hard for us all but she is ready for the fight. Which starts next week xx

I am so sorry that your daughter and your family are going through this. It sounds like you have caught it early though, and breast cancer advances have had a huge impact. I think you said in one of your earlier posts that you wish you could do this for her - it must be so hard xx if it would be at all helpful to talk please do pm me xxxx

Hi @bewilderedhedgehog and all others who have this diagnosis, or family with it. I had an 8 and a 10 year old to tell. We too waited until we knew what we were dealing with before we told them. If you want someone to talk to about all this, or a chilled cuppa while waiting for appointments, if there's a Maggie's near you/your hospital, it's a wonderful place to go https://www.maggies.org/

Hi @bewilderedhedgehog , I hope you feel better for knowing what you're dealing with now - it does sound doable and that you have a good plan of action, a focus going forward. That's good news about the cyst, and about the early stage you're at!

And what a lot to go through with the recent loss of your father too! I'm so sorry. You must be on an 'automatic pilot', getting through this... I can relate, my father died the day before I was diagnosed... I only realised later what a whammy that was, and that it would take time to process it - at the time I was in 'coping' mode. My GP suggested talking to Maggie's Centre, and I was like, nah, don't need it, coping fine... It all sort of hit me afterwards.

But maybe this is what we actually need - to be on point as we get through treatment, and take time to process it later. I would suggest that you do take any help offered - your BC nurse will be able to point you towards the support available.

There are so many of us in the same boat, aren't there?! You realise how common it is, and that helps somehow, I think. 🤗

Thank you - there are some wise words here. I think I am on auto pilot, but the processing will need to take place at some point - either now or in the future. I am planning to make a list this weekend of activities I enjoy, to focus on over the next few months. It does help to know others are experiencing similar.....