People changed towards me

[MrsBuket]

Hello, I had a rare form of cancer of the tongue last year. I had to have lymph nodes removed from my neck which has left a huge scar and I have a slight lisp. I've noticed a big difference in how people treat me. At work noone really speaks to me any more. Other people I've noticed generally talk down to me. Generally, apart from one friend whose been loyal throughout, people just don't seem to like me or want to talk to me. It's breaking my heart and I feel so ugly and repulsive. I wondered if anyone else has received similar treatment since being diagnosed with cancer? I guess with me, the effects are very noticeable. I don't know how people can be so cruel.

I’m so sorry to hear this op. Not from cancer but following the death of my DD. Avoidance was massive. It isn’t you it is them. Their own worries and fears about how fragile health and life are.

@RogersOrganismicProcess I am so sorry about the death of your daughter. People avoiding you would have only added to your pain I imagine. The same happened when my mum died. I don't understand the mentality of people who avoid others who are going through a terrible time. As you say though it's to do with their own worries and fears. I guess on the plus side you learn who your real friends are.

My late mum had similar - she developed cancer at 52 and died at 53. Some of her friends were conspicuous only by their absence, as were some of mine.

If you are really losing confidence about your scar then do remember that it will start to fade a little. Other new staff may join your employers and treat you more normally because they don’t know the background. And it might be worth trying to find a make up artist who can source foundation to make your scar less prominent if that’s what you want.

I think Maggies centres might be able to help you with counselling if you feel you need it too - you’ve gone through a massive life change, both physically and mentally, and it’s only natural that you might not yet be used to the new you either yet. Be kind to yourself.

@PauliesWalnuts thank you for your advice. I'm trying to get some camoflage make up but it's more difficult than I thought. I'm also having counselling which is helping a little. I'm so sorry about your mum - that's just heartbreaking.

That’s rubbish. As PP said, it’s not you, it’s them. People can be so weird! Their loss…

I’d still talk to you.

So sorry to hear this op. You are not ugly .. they are inside. I suppose it will take time but you will make better friends and are the better person

I am so sorry. I think cancer does show who is friends with you and why and whether you have married the right person, you see so many relationships break up. I am sorry you are treated differently. My husband has been great but had some variable experience with friends and surprised who was and who wasn't supportive. I also found cancer treatment took me from looking reasonably good to not great overnight after chemo and it did really affect how people treated me. As looks come back it improves again but it has been quite eye-opening. I find people who have had cancer understand best - there's a thread for people who have had cancer treatment under general health called The Great Recovery, you are most welcome to join us there. I found things to improve my appearance helped but it takes time. I am nearly 2 years out now and mainly feel OK about things now but at 1 year I was very distressed by this.