Dad diagnosed with stomach cancer. Has gone downhill dramatically.

[BubblesBlue1992]

Basically as the title says my Dad (70) Has been diagnosed with stomach cancer. Initially there was a blockage in the bile duct causing jaundice. They the did a CT scan which uncovered a mass in the junction between the Pancreas, Liver and bile duct.

He's been given 6-12 months, but by how things are going the cancer is quite aggressive and it genuinely looks like it'll be weeks instead of months.

I don't know how to feel. I'm trying to not think about it, but in reality it's just me not wanting to accept the inevitable.

God, this is so painful.

I'm so sorry you are facing this.

My Mum went downhill fast in the end. Her medics were surprised too, I think its largely unpredictable. Looking back two years now, at least my Mum suffered less.

Try and make sure he's comfortable and has appropriate medical support. Tell him you love him and use your time with him wisely.

xx

I’m sorry to read this. I had a similar experience with my mum. You may find it helpful to read ‘With the End in Mind’ by Dr Kathryn Mannix. I found it strangely comforting.

Thank you. Anything to help right now will be a comfort x

@Ohmylovejune

Thank you. I'm seeing him as much as possible. I feel as though he doesn't have long as he's currently not eating as he has no appetite.

Seeing him today really made it feel real as it's easier to try and almost ignore it's happening, but that helps no one.

It is happening and we have to face it head on.

I lost my dad almost a year ago from Lung/Liver cancer. He passed away 23 days after diagnosis. The day before diagnosis he was still working.

I have no advice other than be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time.

Cherish every minute you spend with him.

Hi my dad died suddenly in August. We found out he had cancer 3 days before he passed away. It was a big shock and we honestly didn’t have time to think straight. It’s as though my mind refused to accept he was dying, I was extremely close to him and it was heartbreaking going through it all.

As pp said spend as much time as possible with him, listen to his stories, ask questions and if necessary ask him what he would like at his funeral. We didn’t get to do any of that with my Dad as it was so sudden and he was on so much pain relief he mostly just slept away. I wish someone had told me those things.

Also try and prepare yourself for the end, it’s far far more difficult and traumatic to see than I ever thought it could be. I hope these things haven't upset you further but in my mind I wish I had been more educated about the whole situation. Send you love and support.

I’m so sorry OP, it’s an horrendous thing to go through. My dad passed from pancreatic cancer, it was very advanced. I just wanted to add that I would spend as much time as you can with him and say whatever needs to be said.

Once my dad was fitted with a syringe driver he was pretty much unconscious, which was a relief in one way as he was no longer in pain but I just wish we had been warned it was a possibility beforehand.

Each day as it comes, and make the most of time you have left. I lost my dad 2 days after lung cancer diagnosis. You have time to say what you need to.

sorry for what you are facing, take care x

I’m so sorry, I understand the pain you are feeling

@dauphinose

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through, that must've been incredibly hard 😔. It's impossible to know how you'll deal with things like this until you actually are faced with it.

You're absolutely right though that spending as much time as you can with them.

Also, embrace however you feel and just vent it.

@Walkingwithdinosaurs

I'm so so sorry what your Dad and family went through. That must've incredibly hard to come to terms with as you said.

I think it's a natural thing to want to ignore and not accept what's happening eventhough it won't take it away.
I'm currently at that stage, it's almost like denial.

Currently my dad is in so much pain and it's so hard to watch although I'd rather see him like that than not at all.

He was rushed back to hospital after finally being released after 2 weeks, but the pain was so much that he was rushed back. They won't send him home with anything stronger than Tramadol... Ridiculous.... At least make the end of his life as comfortable as possible 😔

@Walkingwithdinosaurs

Also, as hard as it is I think you're right about preparing for end of life and how it will be when it comes to that.

Seeing your once strong, energetic, bubbly, enthusiastic Dad suddenly deteriorate infront of you is so incredibly awful 😔

@Missingmyusername

Thank you for your reply. You're very right with making the most of the time you have with him. That's what I'm doing or at least trying to.

He's always supported us so it's our time to be there as much for him as he has for all of us.

My mum did mention a syringe driver and I did suggest it, but he's not quite ready for that.

He mentioned yesterday perhaps he could have a liver transplant so he's trying to have hope, but there's not much they can do 😔

@misspositivepants

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Life is so incredibly cruel. No rhyme or reason for what's happening. Just bloody terrible.

Thank you so much for your reply. Genuinely appreciate it x

@Topee

Thank you so much. It's so bloody awful. This forum is bringing some sort of comfort though so thank you!

I'm so sorry that you've been through similar x

‘With the end in mind’ is amazing book (if you can say that about a book in that subject).
There is so much compassion and kindness in that book. I found it ‘soothing’, calming and reassuring.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My brother died of cancer and the end came very suddenly. Is there a chance of a hospice referral? It's not just for end of life care and they are brilliant at pain management and support for the patient and family. It's completely different from a hospital experience which can be quite traumatic for all involved. Apologies if you have already explored this option. Wishing you the best. X

This forum really, really helped me last year when my Dad was so poorly.
I had to advocate everything and to be honest I spent his last 23 days fighting for the right care and pain relief for him. Someone on here suggested I call MacMillan and I did. They signposted me in the right direction and eventually right at the end he got the right care. Hospital were absolutely useless and didn't want to know because he was end of life. At one point he'd spent 12 hours sat in a chair visibly jaundiced waiting for a bed on a ward. I'm so angry now because I should have been spending time with him in the right way not fielding constant phone calls with all and sundry.

Please keep posting here you will get lots of support. It's taken me almost a year to be able to process what happened and what my family went through. And I can only stress that you need to take care of yourself too.

Thanks for the reading recommendation. My beloved aunt is in the same position as OP’s dad, waiting to get her home assessed and kitted out, so that she can get home on a zimmer. She is not in pain right now, just very dark yellow skin and nothing we can do but wait. We are seeing her as often as we can and praying that she can have some peace at home and effective pain relief when required. The book mentioned above has helped me calm tf down about it all.