Any partners of cancer sufferers on here?

[friendlyflicka]

Not sure if it it the appropriate place to post. I have had 2 failed marriages and out of the blue met a man who I adore, and he feels the same way about me. Me moved in together and it is so wonderful to be with him. We are both 57 and met 3 years ago

almost immediately he got a bladder cancer diagnosis and he has been extremely stoical and brave about surgery and painful treatment. But cancer keeps reoccurring and more aggressively. It, hopefully, is not life threatening, if it is contained - ie bladder removal - more tests next month to decide if surgeons can hold off or not.

I feel in a bizarre position where he is being brave - irritated is the most he can describe as leading emotion, and I am, unless keeping busy, fairly devastated. We moved in together away from my locality because I had an ex-husband who was abusive and I wanted a new start away from him.

Because of the lack of friends or helpful family, the natural support I have is the man suffering from cancer and I feel it is wrong to burden him with my negative fears when he is being so stoical. the closest relationship other than him is with my horse. And my 16 year old daughter who adores him as a father figure after having no contact with her natural father. Obviously I am being gentle about the new to her.

I wonder if this is a common position to be in, where your go to confidant is the person with which it is selfish to communicate my fears? Generally I have been able to get on with life, but every time he gets bad news on the tests I crumble and don't want to lay it on him, as it feels very selfish.It is him who is ill not me.

Don't want advice, just wondered if others are living with this situation?

I found McMillan to be absolutely hopeless when I called them. Fortunately I have a great support network of female friends who realised/still realise that I need support too, even though I'm not the one with cancer.

@KnickerlessParsons MacMillan have been amazing with me .... I go to see the ladies there when my husband is having chemo. They've been really helpful in helping me sort out benefits, blue badge etc. I have to say not so much when I've rung them but the volunteers at the hospital are lovely x

So pleased your friends are there for you. Some of mine have been brilliant but I do feel like I'm not a good friend because I cry a lot still and I feel like I get on their nerves (not that they've said anything like that ... it's just how I feel). They've all said I can ring anytime day or night but I can't bring myself to ring late at night when I can't sleep because my head is full of stuff x

Sometimes I feel like I'm going mad with the stress and worry of everything. I had a good cry this morning and I can't even remember what triggered it x

It's the loneliness I'm struggling with. DH is exhausted and once he's taken his evening chemo tablets, he tends to go to bed around 7.30 ish and I'm just sitting in the lounge by myself. Then I feel bad feeling sorry for myself because I'm not the one who's ill 😔😔

Thank you @OneMoreAndNoMore
The loneliness does sound difficult. I'm sure your friends would be happy to speak to you - I know I would if my friend was going through that experience- but I do know what you mean about not wanting to bother people.

Everything is ok here. My DH had his op on Monday and came home last night. There was a lot of hanging around. He's had quite a lot of pain which is upsetting but it seems a bit better today than it was yesterday.
He's quite tired but generally not too bad.

We have to wait 2-3 weeks for the results so it's going to be quite stressful.
I'm working from home this week and then next week will probably go in for my normal 3 days, assuming he's ok.

I hope everyone else going through similar experiences is doing ok, hanging in there etc.