Not enjoying camping!

[Ella1980]

Long story short, I agreed to try camping with my boys (9 and 11) and my fiancé. Both of us work ft but on low wages and figured a break away would be better than none.
If I'm being totally honest I am really not enjoying it and can't help but count the minutes until we are back home! I'm cross at myself for feeling like this and feel like I'm letting down my very outdoorsy fiancé but try as I might, it's just not for me.
I think I'm too old and just prefer the comforts of home!!!
Kids are doing OK but getting a bit bored too which is annoying my fiancé which in turns bothers me. I feel claustrophobic stuck in a small tent with them all in the middle of nowhere although I fully appreciate that's heaven to others.
I don't want to tell him I'm not having much fun as he really was hoping I'd enjoy the whole camping experience.
Advice please 😊

Do you not get any part of the equity in the home? Seems terribly unfair that you’re left with very little.

Anyway I agree that camping isn’t much fun, I don’t like it but I go occasionally because the kids enjoy it. Two nights is my absolute max!! I honestly don’t think you’re letting your kids down at all, kids DO not need luxury holidays and can have an awesome time camping. Plus they need to understand that you have to cut your cloth, they’re old enough to understand that.

You should have eaten the fish n chips but you probably know that now.... your dp does sound like he might be a little hard work as well.... seems to be all about what he wants to do and not much thought for you and your comfort.

@ella it is hard sometimes, especially when I see how well off DH ex is with their 3 kids. They've always got new clothes, days out and meals out. I struggle with my DD to afford everything and she wonders why they can have it in their home. But, we do what we can. We tried to camp as a holiday but DD and me both like our home comforts and she's used to being on her own.

But, I've gone completely off track... You need to get out the tent, just treat it like somewhere to sleep. Hopefully the weather is on your side! Where abouts are you?
How is your Mr with your boys? I always feel guilty if my DH has to pay / do anything for her as I feel she's 'my' responsibility..
We won't be having any together either!

OP, I completely understand how completely unfair the situation is with your ex and also how that is impacting on your holiday now. However let me share this with you..

DH came from a family with little money and 3 hard working parents. Their holidays were always camping in Cornwall come rain or shine. For 1 week a year. And goodness me he has the best memories. He talks so fondly of it and everytime we go away he has tales of his childhood holidays and all their adventures.

I on the other hand when to Florida every year, to sea world, Disney kind, or a villa in the algarve etc. And I was voted silly. No other kids to play with, mum and dad are wonderful, but they don’t know how to be silly with kids. Honestly I dreaded holidays and it breaks my heart when I think of how hard dad worked to pay for them.

But what I am saying is, holidays are about who you are with and not where you are. Find some stuff to do tomorrow with the boys, if they haven’t made campsite friends. Are you near a Beach? You could buy a kite for about a quid and fly that? And laugh about how rubbish it is. Crab fishing? Plan food for tomorrow, a disposable bbq is only a few quid in Aldi and then you can bbq sausages?

Bless you, I totally understand how you feel, but I think it’s less about camping and more about the unfairness of your ex.

Bored silly! Not voted 🙈

My 10yo feels absolutely deprived because I don’t take her camping. She has plenty of other experiences, but her mean mom denies her camping and a dog.

Camp, don’t camp, do whatever you want. Don’t feel like your kids are missing out. Sure, they won’t have every experience, but no child possibly could. Find something you can afford and love doing and your joy will infect your children.

I sympathise to some extent as I have an outdoorsy dh who likes camping, we've only been twice in 12 years and never since we had the kids! He has however often gone to Glastonbury etc with his mates and his tiny tent.

A nice compromise last couple of years however has been a "cabin" in a big holiday park place (in France though it could have been in Uk), so outdoorsy living but still proper beds and sleeping "inside" and proper(ish) bathroom. And lots of facilities etc.

Oh good god, don’t feel bad. I have camped, glamped, twice and it was fun for a couple of nights. It was also excellent weather.

A holiday in a tent with no toilet, having to set up tents and electric and no running water, not happening. I’ll stay at home thanks. You don’t have to like camping, honestly it’s fine not to

I had to lower my expectations massively to cope with camping. I have accepted that it will be uncomfortable and hard work but the kids love it and it allows us to go away a couple of extra times a year to some really stunning places (just got back from a lovely farm the Peak District- £50 for 3 nights).

I remember the first time we went and like you, just wanting to cry. It's taken a few times to work out what I need to get by. Use this experience to think about what you're really struggling with and visit to the camping shop before the next trip.

@Lamentations, can you share the campsite in the the Peak District?

Mandale Farm - a recommendation from MN actually. Lovely peaceful site in rolling hills, stunning scenery, not far from Bakewell. The photos on Pitchup don't do it justice.

Thanks!

Phone and computer for camping? Really?!!

Phone and computer for camping? Really?!!

Yes, that's us. Phone is useful for local research, maps etc. and the laptop is full of films for rainy afternoons and cold evenings.

We've also got a large electric cool box and an induction hob. Camping doesn't have to be hard work.

Try it once more. But this time,

1. insist on a chore rota. Or at least a chore time in which everyone is pitching in rather than you doing all the things you'd do at home, but less easily, while they do whatever. get a piece of paper and divide it up and write it down. OR start this in advance and simply carry on over the camping holiday.

1. As other have said, pick a campsite with perks like playgrounds and such. and if you aren't camping in the absolute wild, go ahead and get the electric hook up. makes cooking and lighting easier and safer, you can have heat if you want, and if it rains or rewards are needed, electronics can be brought out

1. Insist that plans be made. Some people can wing it on holidays, some can't. sounds like you will do better knowing whats up and your DP will cope better if he understands your idea of a holiday activity is as valid as his. So, plan ahead!

a.which days are you all walking, and where. which days are only some of you walking while some of you stay behind and read. (substitute other outdoorsy things: gorge walking, horseback riding, zip line zipping) (or other indoors things like napping or writing or playing solitaire with actual cards) b. what other things can you do? Historical sites nearby? We think this years camping trip will not involve a day out at the nearest miniature railway/local railroad museum as it's been a long while since any Thomas toys or shows have happened as the former fanatic is almost 12. but you never know. train related stuff has happened on most trips and there is a place near enough. We nearly always spend a day at a garden too, because I like formal gardens even if no one else does. DH likes walking round historic piles of rocks that used to be buildings. find these things in advance and google the driving times from the site. You don't have to timetable the whole trip, you just need to know what the options are. or maybe you do need a timetable.

c. what are you doing if it rains to hard to do any of that?.are there indoor activities in the area? a museum or national trust property to tour? a local mall to go walk around and buy a coffee at least. does everyone that can read have a book or two? if there are non-readers is everyone prepared to take a turn reading aloud? even if everyone can read, taking turns reading something like Harry Potter aloud as a group can be fun. do you have a pack of cards and know any games? the above mentioned electronics? we have even driven an entirely unreasonable distance to get to a giant grocery store--we did need to restock but walking around, scaring the kids with the school supply displays going up and then eating a snack at the grocery cafe were better than hanging out in the tent in the rain and we had done the local castle and gardens and trains and walking suitable for our kids already.

1. If you can't get a bigger tent, at least try to get some sort of pop up shelter you can put up beside the tent to spread out in during the day, safe from sun or mild rain. We are rarely in the tent during the day although we now have one big enough that we could sit in there if we had t. The shelter doesn't have walls but it still let us look at rain instead of the nylon walls or each other.

1. make note of the nearest child friendly pub or restaurant in advance and plan to eat there the last night and/or for breakfast the last morning so that you can begin packing up the kitchen stuff in advance. the breakdown and take home stage is the worst, IMO. I like camping trips but there is nothing fun about dismantling it all and repacking the car.

your ex is just someone who you used to know. just live the life you have with your children, and don't let the ex in your head interfere. he has nothing to do with any of this. This is your life, and that's his life over there. this is your time with your kids, they aren't comparing you to him, they are just living and loving you.

We took my older kids camping 25 years ago with cheap equipment and stuff we scrounged. we didn't buy ice creams at the camp store, we ate store brand cookies round the campfire. It was much as you describe but the main thing is: it wasn't home therefore it was fun and exciting and the only other thing we could do that was holiday like was go visit my parents. (which we also did, of course) As adults, they now very much appreciate how hard it was to do even this but they have such happy memories. As adults, they realized their dad couldn't be bothered to do more than the minimal required of him by the divorce settlement and they haven't spoken to him in 6 years and he has never met our grandson.

Family issues aside (not because they’re not important, just because I don’t think they’re easily solvable by me this evening) I love camping but only because I put my camping head on. If you knew me day to day you’d probably think I’d hate it because I’m so stressy and a control freak. But that’s the beauty of it- I get to be completely different. So what if cooking a meal takes ages, there’s nothing else to be doing, it’s different and it’s an activity in itself. I treat it as a sort of mindfulness practice and every time I go I experience a sort of relaxation that I don’t get doing anything else. That said, I don’t spend all day in the tent, especially not with children. We do breakfast, then head out mid morning until mid/late afternoon then the evening activity is cooking, eating and drinking.

All of that said, I have to echo previous posters and say if you don’t like it you shouldn’t feel bad. It’s definitely not for everyone, people who enjoy camping are no better than those who don’t and if you just can’t get on with it then any man worth marrying will happily accept that. I hope it gets better OP.

Firstly, have you spoken to Child Maintenance to see what they say? Even though it was a 50/50 split I'm almost certain he still has a legal duty to his children. Secondly, ignore his spending- he's showing off.
Now to your OP-
Can you compromise on going glamping next time? It might make you accept camping more when its more luxurious! They're not all expensive either. Also, check out ukcampsite- they have filters for areas, what they have on site, whats nearby etc.
Having at least a park and hopefully a swimming pool and/or near a beach are a godsend when camping!
I have had some awful camping experiences that put me off for years so I feel your pain! (Within half an hour of arriving I wanted to go home once!) but now, with the park and swimming pool I love it!
Teach the kids how to play manhunt if they don't know how to already. They can get other kids on site to play it then.
Try to talk your DFiance into upgrading the tent to a bigger size- you can find some decent ones on Facebook Marketplace.
Good luck!

I am quite a hardcore ‘basic’ camper and even I insist on a tent I can stand up in.

Agreed. Unless it’s essentially a bivvy for expedition camping, I have to be able to stand up. Makes getting washed and changed far more pleasant as well as providing a bit of space to hang a raincoat.

I would be concerned, frankly, that he isn’t doing more to help you have a nice time. He’s the experienced camper, you’ve never done it before so it’s up to him to take the lead a bit, surely? You were a bit daft not to think what would happen when you did get hungry- but he was a bit of a dick not to do something about to either- he’s the one who has a vested interest in making sure you want to go again! Is he usually kind to you, OP?

I think your fiance is not behaving very well here. This is his thing that he is experienced in so why hasn't he made sure there is enough food/entertainment etc.

I was feeling sympathetic until this "A part of me also feels a bit sad that my boys have to have these holidays with us when just in one week last week ex spent £38k on a new car, £7k on a hot tub and £6k on an engagement ring for his 26 yo gf. It all feels a bit unfair I guess."

My kids love camping. They don't compare it to anything else. It is what it is. They get more freedom than normal. We toast marshmallow, have hot chocolate for breakfast, make eggy bread. There is always something to do - either with friends or because of where we have camped. If you hate walking then camp near some days out. Or near a beach. (mine also love crabbing which is free and costs the price of some bacon). Mine even love the tale of how we had to abandon the campsite early when our tent was damaged in a gale. We laugh about that now!!! (You have to be flexible when you camp - be prepared to pack up early if the weather turns really bad.)

Well, I would be a bit pissed off if my children’s father was spending mega bucks on himself and his new partner and none at all on his children.

I'd hate it too. People either love camping or hate it.

Next time try renting a static caravan, some are quite cheap especially if the site doesn't have entertainment which doesn't matter if you are in a pleasant area, preferably near beach. We had some nice holidays doing that when we were hard up.

Camping isn’t a holiday IME, it’s cheap (if you don’t buy loads of stuff and a bigger car or trailer to put it in!), change of scene, and fun for the DC, if they like it. Mine enjoy biking, sleeping in the tent, and fire.

Food can be a PITA: important to plan this carefully and take useful stuff unless you want to spend lots on takeaway/eating out. Sounds like your DP didn’t give much thought to this.

Caffiene is vital!

Sounds like some of this about the disparity in your past and current circumstances, and your ex’s continued wealth.

When you got divorced did you not get a share of the family home or money?