Pressure to eat over calories

[AnonymousMum37]

How do people manage other people's comments and expectations around eating?
Today I got in from a run and my husband had made me a bacon and egg sandwich. Which was lovely, but I was going out for lunch with a friend so I really wanted something light to save calories but he was offended when I said I hadn't planned a big breakfast so I had to eat it.
Then, out for lunch I tried to pick something light (not ridiculously, a smashed avocado brunch dish about 600 calories) and my friend made comments about me "ruining the fun" and said she couldn't get what she wanted if I ate healthily and badgered me into getting tapas to share. So I had that and tried not to have too much but she kept commenting and putting more on my plate and saying I would make her over eat of I didn't have "my share".
Now it's evening and husband opened a cider and went to pour me some and I said no thanks, I haven't got the calories and he got super frustrated and said "fine then I can't either, it'll go to waste, I'll pour it away". I ended up having a glass because it was easier.

We're already having burger and chips because kids "have to have chips" on a Friday. I've made sweet potato wedges for me and DH to try and make it a bit healthier. But then they're annoyed I said I don't fancy a pudding.

I just feel like everyone is annoyed at me and sees it as my judging them if I try to be healthy. Everyone seems so relieved on days when I slip and eat/drink too much. Does anyone else have this? How do you deal with it?

I'm not on an overly low calorie goal either, I eat between 1600-2000 most days and am over 2100 today but I've still not eaten 'enough' to make people around me happy.

Your dh and friend sound like a pain in the arse, frankly. I'm not a big fan of calorie counting, but their deliberate efforts to undermine you and make you feel guilty about trying to lose weight are twattish and unpleasant. No, kids don't 'have to have chips on Friday'. What a weird concept. Stand your ground, OP. You choose what you eat and drink!

I have been quite frank with my partner and told him I am losing weight and he needs to support me. He does, because that's what partners do. I have clearly explained what I can/can't eat and he supports me in that because I set boundaries.

Same with friends, it's about setting boundaries and saying I am eating this, but feel free to eat whatever you want and don't be influenced by me.

I think it's pretty normal for friends/family to be on various diets, intermittent fasting, or on injections now, and most in my circle just pick their food, or do/don't eat at strange times and no one bats an eyelid. I think what's in common is that everyone is just assertive and clearly states what they are doing in a matter of fact way, so no one questions it, because it's just normal and no one else business what someone else eats or doesn't eat

i would have a chat with hubby, explain why it’s important to you to stick to your cals. why does what you choose to eat influence anyone else’s choices?! I often have something different than hubby he’s gf, I’m calorie counting and sometimes I want what he doesn’t or can’t eat. Ignore hubby, if he’s gonna have a paddy cuz you said no to a drink that’s on him. Don’t cave, he’s being a child. Course he can have a drink if you don’t! If you feel you have to… mix a with diet lemonade as a shandy?
your friend also isn’t being very supportive. I’d also have a chat to explain. Give her one more chance and if she still isn’t going to be supportive, just meet for drinks. I look at my cals as weekly amounts so adjust other days if needed. Maybe this will help going forward? There will be days you are able to be more in control.

They're a bunch of feeders and manipulators! People do it with drink too. I just leave it on my plate.

I totally understand, it's really frustrating to constantly have to manage other people's expectations around food. I have already experienced similar situations where my choices seemed to bother, as if eating healthy was an implicit criticism. Sometimes I just try to stay firm and say, "Thank you, but I'm listening to my body today."But it's true that some people insist a lot, and it's exhausting. By force, I realized that I can't always please everyone without frustrating myself. Maybe a discussion with your husband would help, so that he understands your choices better? In any case, you are not alone in feeling this way!

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You need to channel your inner toddler and just say no! Don't give up and in a while they will get used to it and accept it as what you do.

If DH made me a bacon and egg sandwich and I didn't want it he'd be thrilled to eat what I didn't want!
I think you need to be firm in your choices , people tend to react others to eat junk food with them because it makes them feel less bad.
I had to explain to DH 15 years ago that he might be able to eat vast amounts and not gain a pound, but that doesn't work for me. That I didn't begrudge him eating all the burgers and snickers in the world, but I just couldn't join him all of the time.

Get a backbone! Just say no - though personally I’m quite happy to have a breakfast when my friend us just having a coffee (and vice versa) just tell your friend that this is what you are eating and that’s it.
Tell your DH thst you are trying to make healthy choices and either he supports you or you will have to question why he isn’t.

I think your husband is manipulative. Threatening to pour cider away because you don't want to drink it? Wtaf. He can drink it or not drink it, same as you. Let him pour it away, the bellend. You do not have to drink it. YOU choose what you put in your face!