Just keep getting fatter

[Smiling2019]

I think I’ve finally come to the realisation that I have a problem with food and I wish I knew how to conquer it. I’ve struggled with my weight since I was in my 20s and it’s never not been an issue. About a year ago, I got into keto/low carb but it hasn’t really worked for me, as I just eventually get bored. I’ve also developed a really bad habit of a cheat day and I find I just can’t break it. On a bad, stressed-out week, my ‘cheat day‘ is the only thing I look forward to! Of course, the cheat day then usually becomes a cheat weekend and I never really get anywhere. I’m now just over 15 stone and I hate it. I have a good job with a lot of pressure but outside of work, I have no confidence. I run away from attention and don’t think I’m ‘worthy’ of buying nice clothes for. I seem to go round and round in circles and never seem to get anywhere.

The only thing that’s ever worked for me in the past is calorie counting but again, I’m stuck in this mindset of feeling like I MUST have a cheat day.

Anyone been in a similiar situation abs somehow conquered it and lost weight? I don’t want to be this way anymore!

Yes. I’ve had a bad relationship with food my whole life. I love food, I think about it all the time. I’ve got a problem with binge eating because it just feels so good! I’ve started calorie counting in lockdown and exercising. I try to eat food that is more whole and filling, and I’ve tried not to be so hard on myself when I slip a little. I do go back and forth a bit. I have never been really overweight, just chubby. At my heaviest I’ve been 72kg and at the moment I weight 64kg.

I think exercise has helped me the most because it makes me feel better about myself.

Hi @Smiling2019

Have you worked out your TDEE properly? I found it really helpful and am now on a more sustainable (but slower!) plan that gives me room for treats as it's not as restrictive as when I used to try and do 800-1000 cal days.

I now don't need "cheat days" as I can still have treats each day - glass of wine or chocolates etc.

Maybe try not to think of it as a treat day but a cheat meal? So eat on plan in the day but then enjoy a takeaway with a couple of glasses of wine on a Friday night. Saturday morning back to being on plan?

Some times if I have a cheat day I end up feeling like I have to eat something because I won't be allowed it tomorrow which is completely the wrong way of looking at it!

Does it have to be a ‘cheat’ day. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a day where you indulge a bit more - but I think the term ‘cheat‘ day implies a bit of a free for all which you can easily go overboard with. Could you maybe have a specific food to look forward to on a certain day a week? Go to the bakery and buy a really nice slice of something or a bag of crisps to enjoy in the evening while watching a film, rather than a whole day of ‘fuck it’ and completely losing track of what you’ve had. I think part of a healthy relationship with food is savouring and really enjoying the finer things - what I call food for the soul - it’s not a case of ‘oh these crisps were great, I want another two packs’ but more ‘these crisps were so great, and now I’m so satisfied.’

Something that was a lightbulb moment for me was reading about resilience - so nothing to do with dieting at all.

I came across a fairly frothy article / blog that was something like 10 tips for being more resilient, so not a quality academic article but the paragraph about mastering emotions still struck home. The author was talking about how if you get off the phone and you're pissed off, acknowledge that you are pissed off - don't go and get a drink. As it happened my drug of choice was/is chocolate, not alcohol but the situation was one I recognised. And duh - the solution to whatever is annoying me is never going to be found in the chocolate drawer.

I can honestly say that It has made a big difference as I stopped emotional eating almost instantly and it has helped me to reset my relationship with food. I'm still overweight (though less so) and I still eat chocolate, but not mindlessly if that makes sense.

Cheat days won’t work for you. Once you get where you want to be they might but for now you need to be in a sustained calorie deficit in order to lose body fat.

Work out the calories you need to maintain, and remove 200 per day. Say that’s 2000 so make it 1800 which will put you in a deficit.

Then, rather than aim for 1800 per day, add all 7 days allowance together and allow yourself, day one day at 2500 calories and the rest at 1680 per day. Or you could do 2 days per week (weekends) at 2500 per day and weekdays at 1520. Either way you are never going over your total calories for the week but are having days where you can indulge a bit more.