Bullys Mum threatened my DD to stop complaining

[mychildsachild]

After 4 years of my 9 year old being bullied by a girl in her class, so much so that she needed treatment for severe constipation becasue the girl banged and kicked the toilet door every time she was in there. Slammed her head against a pipe. Constantly tells lies, pushes her over, tries to get her into trouble, tells other children not to speak to her, etc. etc. etc.
The teacher witnessed an incident, dealt with it, and at end of day the girl ran to mum and said my daughter made up lies to get her into trouble. with that the mother cornered my DD in the school to make her "understand" that she is always wrong and her daughter was always right!!!! Reported to school and had meeting and told .....guess what!!! I am unreasonable!!!!!!!! Thank goodness for policy! Have been told not to upset school!!!

Why would you keep your dd in a school for 4 years where the environment is such that she is being that badly bullied?

Why is she in an environment where she is suffering???

Because the school allows it - do not be nice to the school - I see sooo many threads on this where you have the keep the school 'on side'.

YOU are the taxpayer - THEY are the hired help - and as you have a statutory duty to educate your child and the vast majority of this is done in schools (many of which are not your first choice) they are responsible for her welfare in school hours.

What are you going to do?

Your DD has had 4 years of bullying? OMG that is nearly half her life. Pull her from school until the school sorts it out, why would you subject your daughter to that when you have the power to change it? Do you not feel like you should defend your child? She can't do it herself and the school have failed in their duty of care. If you don't sort it your daughter will probably have another 4 years of bullying.

I know I am the one who looks like I am failing my child first. Believe me I feel it! We are on 3 other continued interest lists but can't find places in another school close enough for us to get there. I did stick for her and took the matter to the Governors where they were very helpful and gave the parent a warning, but in PC Land I had to have one too so that the parent didn't feel targeted!!!

if my child suffered physical abuse at the hands of another i phone the police - i always have done.

If another parent intimidated my child i would also phone the police.

i think we automatically assume that we have to put up with a crap system and anti bullying policies that are not put n place.

physical violence = police. the police know where to find them....at school - then the school shit their knickers and do something

i think custy's right, you know. this has gone on too long, everyone's settled into a pattern of behaviour, they need something new to shake them up and a visit from the cops might do the trick.

custy, what happens when you phone the police? did they take it seriously when it happened to yours?

thank you custardo.

OP if what you have described is what actually happened, then yes police is your next step.

well i was very fortunate that i used my own experiences of being systematically bullied from aged 5 to aged 15 at school to bring my children up to not take it.

Most parents say - don't hit back - tell the teacher.

I know bullies get off on boosting their place in the school hierarchy by picking on the weak and vulnerable.

I was a dainty little flower at school, my mother insisted on a certain way of conducting myself. Probably like most mothers on MN would. She said "walk away" or "they are jealous of you, it;s really a compliment"

but it didn't feel like a compliment when i was surounded by girls being pushed around.

so... I was adament that my children would not sufer this way. My personal philosophy has always been from the day they started school - if they hit you - hit them back.

I also told them that i was horrifically bullied for many years and that if i found out they were ever bullies i would be very hurt and upset. It is something i would take very seriously.

So this is what they did.

in saying this i think one has to take into account a childs disposition.

My eldest son is more than able to take care of himself, My daughter exudes confidence and has a wicked tongue - with girls it's usually all gob and bravado - so she kept them bullies at bay however her twin brother was a different kettle of fish.

He is me. he looks like me, he has my weirdness - he didn't want to fight, he didn't have 'fight' in him. So his twin sister usually did it for him! and it helps having an older brother too!

however on the council estate we used to live on were two children who terorised the estate - their backgrounds very sad - their behaviour easily explained - both parents THE notorious drug users/sellers on the estate.

my son was on a tree swing - the type all kids make - he got pushed off at quite a height - he was very lucky.

i phoned the police - they were very good and went to have words.

they stamped on his bike and buckled his wheel. at 9 years old - he phoned the police ( 999 ) and told the police that they had done this - again the police were very good about it - having words with parents etc.

then when the youngest of the boys got to 10 years old, i said to him in a very nice tone i promise...that if he hit my son again, the police would no longer just have words but would take action - as at 10 ears old he is old enough in law to be punished for his actions. "I will get you done for assault if you touch him again" said i.

so there.

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as it happens my two sons aged 20 and 16 wee at a cash machine at 7pm on saturday drawing out some money to go buy a pizza - when two drunken men ran over and punched them both in the face and then walked off.

this was for no reason.

ds1 flagged down a police car and reported it.

i was very proud that he did this.

of course they won't find them, but that's the way i have always done things.

I agree with Custardo. Ds was bullied in year 7, he took it a few times then eventually punched the other lad (once) and put him in hospital.

No one has ever bullied him again.

I know it's different when it's girls and when they're that much younger, but I think OP needs to get her dd out of that school and get some self defence lessons, not so much to use but to improve her confidence.

Move to a better school catchment area of the school and police dont help. Dont speak to the parents they sound like trouble.
Has your daughter ever joined self defence class? Are there other girls in her class in the same position she could befriend.