son claims he is ok but...

[ScattyStudent]

(sorry for length)
My son (12) just moved from our village primary (40 odd children) to the 'big' school in another town, this is hard for me as I now dont know any of the teachers/pupils/school at all.
Twice in the last few months a friend of mine has told me that his son (14) has caught a 14 year old boy pushing and shoving my son at school. both times my friends son hit the other boy (I know as a grown up I should disaprove of that but I dont lol) but when I have talked to my son he claims that it is ok and he hasnt got any problems at school.
Thing is, my son is like me, not brave at all.
How should I tackle things now if my son is claiming he is ok? I HATE bullies and am tempted to go to the school and kick the boy up and down the street and yes I know that would make me a bully

Hmmm I despise bullying and have had lots of experience of it sadly, the thing is what we perceive as bullying isnt always as such ...for example kids do push and shove each other with quite seeming hostility....and they are playing.

Steven Biddulph (i think) explains in his book boys need to do this,so I thing that s long as your son saying he is ok then perhaps he is ok.

Meanwhile if he is being bullied your friends ds is doing a fine job imo.

I think you need to be v open with your ds and respect his answer.

Thanks for your reply, you could be right, I didnt grow up with siblings at home and my DS is an only child so maybe I dont know/understand how boys interact really? Maybe this is mostly my issue with him changing to a big scary (to me) school as well.
I will just have to make sure I keep the lines of communication open wont I?

Go to the school and alert them. I've just had a smilar problem see thread (How to support bullied child). The sooner they know the better, check their bullying policy, and generally ask them to be on the alert. My son was very reticent about saying anything, and after a few weeks last term of being suspicious I finally got it out of him last week. Even then, he played down the incident. I really feel that even if he says it's ok, it's possibly not and if you do alert the school (you don't have to tell your ds) at least you feel you've done something positive. Don't leave it, and then think "I wish I'd done something about it). Possibly an overreaction, but having just been there I wish I'd acted on my instints sooner. Remind him to tell someone if something does happen, another friend, nurse, anybody in authority if anything does happen..... (and yes, I wanted to strangle the boy who'd been bullying my son...!)

The thing is (i have 2 teenage sons who dont do this either herbietea) if the boy is telling his mum he isnt being buliied then by telling school who will have to 'investigate' they will chat to the lad who will then say they are messing but the friend of the lad has hit him a couple of times.

I know its very hard and trust me when I say ive been in most bullying situations but secondary school is very much different both for the way boys 'play' and for when parents come in with issues.

The absolute root of this has to be the ds and his 'take' on the incidents -is it bullying or is it just rough horseply.

If there's another 14 yr old who hits back, the bullying child will probably stop soon.

Your son might actually be ok, as he says. He might feel mortified if you approach teh school. Speak to your son casually about it, make a few suggestions and see what his reaction is.