Hello there,
I am new to this but like you, I have a son in year 5, age 9, youngest in his year. Like your son, last term he was being excluded in the playground to the point where, he was so unhappy, he wouldn't go to school. This was as a result of the the so called football crowd ganging up on him. He can hold his own physically but this was a clear verbal attack which quite frankly he didn't react to because he was afraid of getting into trouble. The children took advantage.
The head, despite my request of simply talking to him and then the other boys seemed to be a task in itself. I drew it to the attention of my friend and supervisor of the after school club who spoke to the boy and his parents the very next day. Most decent people will discipline their children where the school seem to fail.
After term, there was a recent incident where my son was in trouble for punching a boy. He reacted to being pushed and tripped over. I accept that he should be disciplined however, the other child, who was the perpetrator which is ofter the case, wasn't.
After what we've been through, I put pen to paper the next day and explained how I thought the school was failing in its duty of care and whilst violence was not tolerated, the perpetrators of verbal or physical violence should also be punished.
In my sons experience, the verbal bullying was far more damaging than physical.
Having written a strongly toned letter, the headmaster telephoned me the same morning.
I explained my concerns. The playground was
not being sufficiently supervised, things were being missed and when a child reacted, they were not given the chance to explain.
My son came home last friday upset, he felt he was a loser because he hadn't made the rugby team.
I left it alone that night. The next day, I told him what he had a real talent for and how he had a real thirst for knowledge. He then opened up and told me that his teacher had given him star of the day for his work and his english teacher told him he was the star of the class etc.
It appears that they have perhaps taken some of my concerns on board and are actively building his confidence up within the classroom.
Since the start of September, this is the happiest he's been.
Forget about counselling, the school may be keen to maybe make an issue of your child by suggesting bringing an events book home to record daily events.
Hone in on what he's really good at and encourage it. Some of these kids who think they are the bees knees might be stacking shelves one day and he may be in charge!
Remember, life is difficult, rather than pull him out and put him in another school
equip him with the tools to deal with idiots and he'll be fine.
He simply has a different personality to some of the others.
I wouldn't bother with this modern day counselling etc, it may make him think he's the one with the problem.
Encourage him, build him up and get the school to do it to.
My husband is a red head and we have three children. I find it difficult.
I have however noticed that by building my
sons confidence at home is making a difference.
Any concerns, put it in writing. If you like, I'll send you the copy of my letter however, I was angry when I wrote it.
Good luck.