Has anyone dealt with bullying and micromanagement at work?

[Doyoubelieveinfairies]

I wonder if others have been bullied at work and how you dealt with it? My manager either ignores me or is micromanaging me. Has made me cry on more than 1 occasion, made me go off with stress when he tipped me too far. I wanted to deal with it without bringing others in but his new boss breached my trust so I cannot go to her. I now feel she is adding to it too. In previous roles I have been top of my game but I have always tried to treat others kindly and fairly and expect the same.

Well, you either report and raise a grievance, or you find another job and leave. And even if you raise a grievance you’re still better off leaving because the trust has been broken. That’s the long and short of it.

I left, and then watched from afar as a new chief exec came in, and boss swiftly left to work for herself!

Yep, get a new job.

Ive been in a job like this, and it was debilitating. I transferred to a different site & chose not to be walked over. Spoke to people how they spoke to me, manager or not, and it actually made a difference. I suppose it’s job specific this one but either report to HR/highest person possible (and possibly live to regret that if your boss is already an a’hole to you) or find a new job.
you sound too nice to deal with this on a daily basis and tbh I just wouldn’t so I’d get out if you can. Sounds v toxic

Sadly yes. It made me ill. My sweet but ineffectual boss did nothing, so I left. Spoke to her the other day and bully has turned on her. Inevitably.

Able Futures was very helpful. It’s free coaching, funded by the government.

What are your examples of what he’s done?

Three years ago I was in similar position. Manager was a sly toxic bitchy mean girl of a woman. Frequently liked to embarrass people around her and then act surprised when she faced a hr investigation. Fortunately she was moved on. I have no doubt she is still making some poor sod miserable.

My manager does exactly this to me. Ignores and then micromanages and nitpicks the most ridiculous things (I was too noisy moving some mugs once!) I have countered it by reflecting her exact tone in emails and teams messages and when she mentions my rude tone telling her I’m reflecting the attitude given to me. I’ve also told her each time she has said something ridiculous (eg the mugs) and it’s stopped her and made her leave me alone a bit more and also she is more respectful when she speaks to me. I have no doubt it won’t last but at the moment I’ve found it liberating being able to stop her being unkind and I think she’s wary of me when she wasn’t before. I have never been like this with anyone else in any workplace but she’s forced me into being this person.

OP I think it depends on your personal strength. Do you love your job enough to raise a grievance? Is your company large enough to offer a sideways move to another department? Personally I wouldn’t leave, I would keep in touch with your GP and take time off until things have settled. Without knowing that exactly has gone on, it’s difficult to advise.

I read this post then double checked I hadn’t posted and forgotten. I’ve learned that insecurity triggers this behaviour so I try to feel sorry for my bully. She’s not actually my line manager but another manager in the team but she undermines me, belittles my experience, pitches herself as an expert in certain aspects - I now openly “remind” her that I too have that experience (and more because I’m 10 years older). Her general belief is she’s the only person who has the skills and everyone else (including other organisations) are shit.

I wish I didn’t let her get to me. My team sees through it, or I don’t think I’d have survived. It improved when I ran a couple of projects she had no involvement in and worked with the director without other manager being there. Suddenly my work was apparently excellent. Up to working with this person I had perfect appraisal feedback and awards.

when it was bad, dh used to remind me I wasn’t on a performance plan and if my work was thought to be that bad and my director believed her then I would be so it was all talk and “dick swinging”.

occasionally it still gets to me but mostly I sit back and let her talk as she becomes more and more ridiculous.

I want to leave but I won’t allow her to ruin the career I’ve worked for and at the moment my specialism is seeing cuts elsewhere so I am biding my time. I plan to apply for a job this weekend - very exciting and totally out of my reach but I’m planning to use it as an opportunity to prep my cv and see what happens as I have nothing to lose. I dream of handing in my notice.

my manager sees what she’s like but is scared of her.

Yes and you're in a no win situation. If you're staying while you decide a next move, document everything. Keep a doc on your own Google Drive, and write notes on every interaction factually. Cover your ass and follow up after key tasks with email updates, and notes after meetings. Turn on AI note takers for meetings if allowed.

If they want to micromanage you, fine, but the manner must be professional.

If you're not already in a union, join one!

Grey rock at work, personal info is ammunition for workplace bullying.

If you can remain neutral, eventually they will find a new target, which is what happened in my case.