13 year old being bullied I dont know what to do!

[NancyMax]

Hi,

I havent posted on here before so please bear with me.

My daughter is 13 and in year 8. She's having issues with some girls in her old friend group and i dont know what to do about it. It has left me very emotional as i feel helpless and can't do anything to protect her.

This all started a few weeks ago when she made friends with some new girls. She started hanging out with them more than her initial friend group and they didn't like that. They asked her to leave the friend group one random day and she ended up really upset and cried at lunch which left her humiliated and feeling alone. She liked her new group though and started hanging out with them. But the old group wouldn't leave her alone and kept spreading rumours saying she was spreading gossip about her new friend group. One of the girls in the new group stopped speaking to her as a result and she was so frustrated and upset she said she didn't want to hang out with the new group either as they were friends with some members of the other group and so she felt uncomfortable and betrayed that they believed them. She started hanging out with a new friend now but the old group are harassing her and shouting things at her in the hallway. This part really upset me because why are they being so mean? She hasn't actually done anything to anyone but they won't leave her alone.

I was considering speaking to the school about it and shes saying she really doesnt want me to because 'it's not that serious' and 'it's embarrassing'. She thinks it will make things worse if we involve the school. I spoke to my sister about this as she went through something similar in school and she said not to involve teachers and it will work itself out. I feel very uncomfortable and the thought of her being bullied or feeling upset or scared is actually breaking my heart. I have been a wreck over this and I really want to sort this out for her but without speaking to teachers or parents, I don't know how i can.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? What is the best course of action? How can I help my daughter?

I have watched my daughter in the same situation. It was heartbreaking so I made the decision to involve the school. Wrong thing for my daughter.

It made things worse for my daughter and eventually she resolved it herself by learning to enforce boundaries and developing resilience. It was tough for her but if I had to do it again I would not involve the school and leave it to my daughter to resolve.

Not a popular opinion, I'm sure, but I now firmly believe that supporting your child to develop resilience is an important life skill that needs to be learned at a young age.

I'm not sure I'd agree with the above.

I would have to speak to the school.

I would speak to the school so that it is on their radar and any retaliation from your daughter isn't logged as unprovoked.
Then I'd tell your daughter that the best way to beat a bully is to embarrass them. Ignoring doesn't work because most bullies are rewarded for their behaviour by their friends finding the bullying hilarious, not the reaction of the victim. But if their friends laugh at the bully, then that works well. I'd get as personal as I needed to to shut this group down.