Help is my DD being ostracised by school mums?

[ThisCalmSloth]

Advice needed please. I don’t know how to help my daughter who’s being shut out of her friendship group by the mums.

A bit of background. My daughter has just turned 8 and has had the same group of friends since she started school. Think play dates, siblings of similar ages, family days out, mums nights out etc. Until a few months ago when I started to notice that the mums were being a bit distant from me. They all went on a day out and plastered it on social media - we didn’t get an invite. When I confronted them about it I got told “oh we just didn’t think, come next time”

A few other things happened but I thought the air was cleared. However they barely speak to me now. The children are still my daughter’s best friends, the ones she plays with everyday at achool. They are seemingly meeting up a lot more frequently now. My daughter is coming home telling me who’s going to who’s house at the weekend, and asking if she can go to these play dates she hears about. It’s breaking my heart & hers that she’s not invited. I can see the huge knock in her confidence and the difference this is making on her in social situations. 😢

What do I do? I can cope with not having mum friends but these are my child’s best friends, they choose to play together every day at school but the other mums are excluding her from all these play dates.

We’ve tried play dates with some other children but she doesn’t click as well with them.

Do I try speaking to these mums or one of them? I don’t know if they realise or care what it’s doing to an 8 year old child.

Just to add - I don’t think my daughter has done anything. The other mums told me they don’t like the fact that I am polite to mums who as a group they dislike.

They might be mean girls but is your daughter well behaved? Does she boss or bully them? Is she ‘spirited’ or ‘confident and forthright’?

That’s shitty behaviour then! Best off out of it!

Can you invite her friends to yours? Would the mums decline?

What happens when you arrange a play date or trip?

Invite one or two of the girls over during the holidays.

you need to organise play dates 1:1 with her existing friends and support her to make new friends in school and in clubs outside of school. Just keep inviting different kids individually over to yours lots and don’t leave the organising to last minute. Building relationships 1;1 rather than in groups.

The problem seems to be with you, rather than your daughter, if the kids are still playing together at school which is good so at least your daughter is not being left out at school.

Don’t wait for her to be invited to their play dates, organise your own. For new children I think have one to one or maximum two come over. For the current friendship group, could you invite them all over at the same time? I would imagine the nuns will discuss if each of them have been invited and they might refuse to attend if only one of the girls has been asked to come over.

It can be more challenging to deal with playground politics as a parent than the children sometimes which I find completely ridiculous.

I had parents I disliked, but I tried to be civil and polite to them, because my children were friends with their children, but sometimes it was hard as I didn’t have anything in common with their friends’ parents. I have to say, I don’t miss those days at all

This is really sad. Very sad that grown adults would be mean girls and bullies.

DD isn't being phased out, you are. I'm not sure 'being polite' to other people is the reason, that sounds ridiculous, but whatever is actually going on, you aren't part of the group anymore. Unfortunately, this means DD won't be either and there's not a lot you can do about that.

Are the other mums good friends? So it's that they are getting together and that's why the children see each other outside of school more? I agree with others- invite her friends to you. And know that in a few years, they will arrange everything themselves and it won't matter that you aren't close to the mums.