8 year old being bullied

[SparklyWobbleyBits]

Bullying at school

My 8 year old has been bullied for two years. I’ve been working with the school for 18m but nothing is improving and they accept that. My daughter is being excluded from play by the bully who influences others not to play with her. My daughter’s self esteem and confidence has plummeted, she has nervous tics and hates school.

The school say although they can see the bad behaviour it’s a fine line between telling children who they can and can’t play with and punishing that behaviour. I am thinking about moving schools but it seems so unfair to disrupt my daughter’s life.

It’s now having a big impact on both our lives.

Grateful for any advice on how you have handled similar situations.

With thanks

Poor girl. My DS had an awful time and developed a stammer, the school were seemingly supportive but actually with hindsight they didn't do enough and their policies weren't worth the paper they were written on! In the end he moved schools and is now very happy, he has no irrational fears, no longer stammers, his writing is bigger and he is much more comfortable in his own skin. He is no longer a people pleaser either.

Good luck, keep raising it. I think alot of bullying is very subtle, DS said it happened in plain sight.

So sorry op. Our ds 2 had similar for a yearish when he was 6. Worked with school etc but tbh they were not great. Small primary in village and bully was child of 'respected' person in village. Ds personality changed so much and he started not wanting to go. He did have friends etc. Anyway we home edded..I realise not an option for all but we had home edded ds1 till secondary. Ds2 still home edded( A levels now) he sorts himself out and did one last year and doing 2 next year. He went back to being himself after but took about a year. I hope you find a way through this for you both.

Dd1 was the subject of bullying from a girl who wouldn't let others play with her at that that age
Very occasionally she would be allowed to join in for a day or two and then kicked out again by this girl this probably happened every 4-5 months
She seemed to love the drama of doing this.
This lasted till the end of primary.

Moving schools could work but then your dd will be the new kid and while sometimes everyone wants to be friends with the new kid sometimes it's hard to break into friendship groups that are established.

What I found helped was to do loads of play dates, that way dd1 could build a better friendship with some girls so that they were more likely to spend time together in school.

Honestly I hated doing it but it helped.
We would do craft activities or baking, watch a film and trash the living room by turning it into a cinema with a blanket Fort
We would go out to the park and I would create indepth games ect
If they stayed for tea I always did picky style mini party type eg a couple chicken nuggets, a small pizza, crisps, some fruit eg they would just pick what they wanted to go on their plate so there was no pressure.

Move her, it will be far less disruptive than having to put up with bullying for another 3 years or more. I wasn’t moved, my bullies in primary school stayed my bullies in secondary school and all through to me leaving at the end of A-Levels. Give her a chance to get away from them and make some new friends.

I’m sorry so to hear this, your poor DD. Some children really are not very nice. You say she’s being excluded from play, is it possible to speak to that child’s parent and explain the situation? Sorry if it’s not the ‘done’ thing I have this all yet to come (toddler)! However, I remember being in primary school and I was excluded by someone. My mum spoke to her mum and we certainly weren’t best of friends but she no longer excluded me and we got on quite well once we got to know each other.

Poor thing, I would move her it can hardly be worse than staying where she is being bullied

We moved our DC who was bullied to a new school at about the same age. Honestly regret leaving it so long! DC so much happier, as are we. My advice would be to move her as soon as possible as bullying has a lasting affect.

I would also move her. Bullying is just so damaging. Get her away from it, the school don't sound as though they are doing anything.

So sorry this is happening to your DD :(

Her life is already being disrupted by the bullying. Sounds like you've tried really hard to resolve things via the school, so I would personally move her, give her a fresh start. My DDs (7 & 8) always get really excited when new children join their class.

Also - and you have probably exhausted this avenue already - but if you approached me and said my daughter was bullying/excluding yours, I would take that very seriously. I'd work with you to resolve it. Of course not everyone will be so receptive, but I personally would.

Thank you for your reply, I’m glad to hear your DS is happier. It feels like such a disruptive change for something that isn’t her fault, it breaks my heart

Thank you, yes I’ve been thinking this might help too but then I worry that the bully will just infiltrate those friends too. It’s so hard to know what to do. I’m going to start organising some play dates and hopefully that will help. If things don’t improve after Christmas I’ll have to think more about whether we move

The school have spoken to the parent and she’s said to be wanting to help but I just don’t think the child has much discipline at home and so won’t change. I think if I speak to her it will escalate

Thank you, I would’ve the same but this parent doesn’t seem to have much discipline or “control” over her child and so I’m not sure how much it will help. I’m also worried as this has festered for so long that it will escalate quickly

Does he want to go to Uni? My DC’s Uni choice would only accept 3 A levels done in one sitting.

He is not sure yet @Meerkatmanor4 He is looking at various things. I am sorry to hear that. I have to say have not come across that! What is your dc wanting to study? Sounds unreasonable really to me! Ds took one early in a year

Also have remembered was not last year but year before for 1st one.

Also I would advise lots of cuddles, trips in the car, and chats, so your DD keeps telling you stuff.

Thank you, we’re very close and talk about everything - I hope that continues

I wouldnt change schools. But i talk as a child who went to 3 different primary schools and was bullied in all 3. There is no harm in telling the teacher when in trouble. But the child must do it at that moment.

I think with things like this it helps to imagine what it would be like if it were adults and happening in the work place. Would you leave jobs? If so, why keep forcing her into this situation?

Medicine. In 3rd year now. Non of the Uni’s would accept 3 A levels unless they were done all in the same year/summer.

@Meerkatmanor4 thank you for the info.Ds not sure yet so will have to see what happens. It would probably be easier in some ways if he had had a set idea of what he wanted to do like medicine,law etc,but he hasn't!

My daughter had this a year ago and I really tried to put this down as girls will be girls. One day I walked in and she was sobbing and I caught a side eye from the bully. She never went back. A year on she is at a new school with a gang of friends, bags more confidence and she loves life. Move her.
The bully moved on, and that little girl left, and another. I honestly think the only thing that works is pointing it out to the parent what is going on, or nothing is done, but obviously this can have horrific consequences. Schools do bugger all.

I would move her.