Bullying Y7

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My lovely, kind, quiet and sensitive DS age 11 is experiencing ongoing issues at school. Year 7 started well and despite not knowing many people he made some friends and was happy and settled.

However, just before half term a group of kids decided that he was an easy target and began both verbally and physically picking on him. He was pushed into a wall, had his bag thrown on the floor, was slapped in the back of the head etc. They are constantly calling him ugly and making unkind nicknames for him.

I have had a number of dealings with the school and insisted that they need to deal with the issues after nothing had been done initially. This has now happened to an extent (after being like a dog with a bone) and one of the kids who physically hurt him was spoken to.

However, the other children seem to have gone under the radar and are continuing to name-call and mock him. He was in floods of tears last night about his appearance because these children are constantly taking the mick out of his looks, his face shape, his teeth etc and making him feel humiliated and embarrassed. He has friends but they don't stand up for him and he is worried to retaliate in case "they beat me up".

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. He doesn't want me to go back to the school at the moment (and I understand him not wanting me to report every comment) but equally I am very concerned about the constant and ongoing nature of things.

I have recently read "Bully-proof Kids" and am doing my best to encourage his emotional intelligence/resilience, be there for him, listen without discounting his feelings or trying to fix but it's so heartbreaking to see him so sad. He is a naturally anxious boy anyway and this is having a big impact on his confidence and self-esteem.

He plays football outside of school and has a good group of friends but internally he feels "less than".

Any words of wisdom or reassurance? At the moment he doesn't want to move schools or be home-schooled.

Go back to the school , I have been there . I would tell them that he doesn’t want you to and explain why , that way the bullies can be watched . Have you the year heads email? Go though them and keep on going . Be a nuisance if you need to- you must advocate for him . Would a group move help ? Poor DS and poor you , it’s so horrid and so hard.

Have you read the school’s behaviour/ anti bullying policy. Should be on line.
Doesn’t sound like school are dealing with this at all. I’d speak to the form teacher, head of year. Document everything and keep email chains.
It’s good that your son is talking to you about it.
I’d ask for the complaints procedure and escalate to governors if it’s not sorted. Tell them you will do this.
It sounds awful for you and your son.

Thank you both so much for your responses.

His tutor has been great and has followed protocol (escalating it to head of house and informing class teachers). But the head of house has been useless. DS was physically assaulted on the last day before half term and nothing was done until I complained. After 2 weeks of emailing for updates and promises of "it's been dealt with" I insisted that the head of house contacted me directly and explained how she was protecting my child. I explained that in the first 8 weeks of school he had been physically assaulted 4 times and that he was a victim of constant verbal abuse and she just tried to minimise it! She claimed that "clashes of personality at the start of year 7 are often difficult to begin with". I work in a secondary school and know what is and isn't acceptable and a group of children assaulting one target is not a clash of personalities!

I am definitely making a nuisance of myself and as you have mentioned definitely feel the need to be his advocate.

But I am finding it so emotionally difficult. He is so lovely and sweet natured and also physically small and quiet. As a result he is an easy target. It breaks my heart to see him so hurt.

That's so sad. Would your ds agree to look round another school just to check he wouldn't want to move there to get away from these nasty pieces of work? . Does he know anyone from other schools ?

It's so difficult because he has made some lovely friends and (other than this!) is fairly settled at school. He likes his teachers and lessons and feels secure with new routines etc. He really struggles with change, so moving school would be massive for him.

I have given him the option and he knows I will help him with whatever decision he makes at any point. He does know some other kids in other schools but is currently reluctant to move.