My child is aged 5 and getting bullied - school is doing nothing about it

[Zoet1999]

My child started p1 and informed me of incidents of another girl pushing her quite a lot. So I kept a diary, on the 5th day of school my daughter was in the class Bay Area unsupervised when she was taken to the ground by the neck and her face smashed off of the ground, she lost a tooth, multiple others loose, lump on forehead, bruising to her cheek and eye. I have sent in multiple emails of complaint, I had a meeting with the deputy head teacher where I was palmed off and the event was down played. I want my daughter moved class, they refused. Where do I stand and has anyone been in the same position as me ? I live in Scotland.

I'm a retired Scottish secondary PTC.

If you're getting nowhere with the school, contact the Director of Education (or equivalent) in the LA.

You might do it by sending the HT an email. Detail the bullying and the injuries received by your daughter. (I'm assuming she saw a dentist and possibly a doctor?)

Refer to your previous emails with dates if possible and also to the meeting with the Depute.

Tell the HT that you want see the risk assessment that has been put in place in order to prevent further injury to your child. Copy said email to the Director of Education.

You might consider also copying to the local councillor[s]. (Round my way, there's more than one councillor for each area.)

If you have more than one councillor, a ploy that I've used in the past is to copy to the councillor who is currently in an opposition party so far as the council is concerned.

Some LAs in Scotland have adopted the "children only misbehave as a trauma response" nonsense and "all behaviour is communication" drivel, which is why I'm suggesting a councillor.

There are other options, however. Give me a few minutes. I saw a report about bullying in a Fife school today. Shall try to find a link for you.

Here you go.

https://www.dunfermlinepress.com/news/25412054.spso-upholds-complaint-bullying-west-fife-school/

Good advice from WearyAuldWumman.
A lad at my son's primary bullied one lad per year, my son was yr1 victim. The school made a stab at it but weren't consistent, the mother of the bully was very insistent and harassed the teachers into submission. They moved my son to the other class for yr2. The parents of the yr2 victim kept him off school and when the HT contacted them to ask why, they said he wasn't safe at school. They also threatened the HT with the LEA. The HT moved the bully in to my son's class, I had a meeting with the HT who said she'd "failed" my son. Too right love.
I'd definitely do what WAW suggests. Good luck

Sadly op, Scottish schools are indoctrinated into 'think of the bully...#reasons for their actions, what did you do to make them hit you' there's a similar thread running.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/scotsnet/5398855-home-schooling-on-the-rise-in-scotland

I’d also contact the Govenors too, you should be able get their email.

This nonsense also happens in England too. Friends son was punched in the head and the perpetrator was picked for a special trip the next day. Friend went in and threatened rbem with the police in the end.

They won’t consider a single incident bullying, no matter how bad it was. Bullying is considered to be sustained and targeted, which one, albeit terrible, incident won’t be.

What happened to your child sounds awful and you have every right to feel as upset as you do. It is easy for parents in situations like this to feel palmed off because they can’t discuss details of the other child with you or tell you whether interventions they might put in place for them. All you have the right to be given is reassurance that your child will be kept safe. They can do that by telling you that there will be increased supervision in the area your child was hurt and other similar things, but if they don’t do any of that, then follow their complaints procedure.

Unfortunately they are unlikely to do anything for one incident - and even after that there’s not much they can (or are likely to) do. Is the pushing the same person and is it still happening?

I would follow the advice on the first post but also start figuring out options. Most of the bullying situations I’m aware of resulted in the bullied child moving school.

I am sorry this is happening - both my children have been the victim of a bully at some point and it’s such a helpless feeling.

Scottish schools don’t have governors.

have you tired approaching the other girls parent/guardian? My DD was badly bullied by the class(school) bully she never went to school for almost 4 weeks but just by chance we had a gastro bug so keep saying she was still sore etc I took her to the doctors twice….. diagnosed anxiety. Then it all came out what had happened so I rang the school and asked the teacher to phone me. He did he spoke to the girl in question and told me to send my DD to school. She went next day and the girl once again got physical with her etc. so I wrote a huge strong worded email to the head teacher. Approached the head teacher next morning and was told she was going to deal with it. She spoke to the girl and explained what would happen if it didn’t stop. That night the girl started sending messages to my DD social
media not realising it was actually mine and coming to my phone. So i screen shot all the messages and sent her mum a message on messenger with all the incidences and the messages. She called me straight away and was so apologetic to me. Even said to me maybe ring the police because she doesn’t listen to me. She had her phone removed for online bullying some other classmates so wasn’t even supposed to have her phone. I told her she better sort it out or I would be waiting for her outside the school gates at pick up. This girl was horrific to other kids. She started on my DD in the summer. My DD hadn’t spoken to her as the finished primary school and going to separate high school. She threatened to come to my house and beat my DD up and her response was ‘good come to my house my mums waiting on you 🤦🏻‍♀️’ she actually did kept walking past with her wee brother then started shouting abuse at my DD when she realised she was along at the park. So I went out to them never said anything and they stuck the finger up at me so I chased them lol! Their cousin was with them who’s very good friends with my DD. He went home told the girls mum and apparently the mum shouted at her and smacked her. Sent me a message and apologised again. Honestly so much more to how bad the bullying was but if the school won’t do anything try the parents. Otherwise it will keep happening. I hope you get things sorted OP xxx

I would call the police. This is not bulling, this is down right assault. I know that the assailant is just a kid, but that only makes it more concerning.

Is it another five year old though? What are the police going to do, take her in for questioning?

I hate how lax schools are on this stuff. My brother is a very quiet, smart guy. He is also really tall. At school a wee scrote kept picking in him, punching, kicking every single day. He kept it all bottled up. It was his primary 4 teacher who noticed something was off about my brother. One day at break time she asked him to help her tidy up some books and gently probed him and it all came spilling out…

The head teacher was appalled she pulled all the bullies in and read them the riot act. They used to kick him so hard in the balls he’d double over then they would kick, punch and stamp on him. The head teacher called them ‘little thugs’, one mother took offence and marched down to the school ‘my son is not a thug!’ The head teacher got my brother down the office and lifted his shirt to show all the buses and cuts on him. She told that mother ‘your son did that, that is the work of a thug, therefore your son is nothing but a little thug and I will not have that in this school. Now if he so much as looks at any other student in this school wrongly I will expel him and I will make it very difficult to get another school to accept him! Go home and parent your child!’

My mum felt awful that she hadn’t noticed the bruising etc, by that time my brother was bathing and dressing himself. She gave that other mother dirty looks for the remaining 3 years at the school. The head teacher did say to my Mum she was more worried about my brother snapping and fighting back as he was twice the size of that little arse. We need more head teachers like that.

This is honestly so bad!! Your poor brother

It was awful, he just bottled it up inside as he’s such a quiet guy. His primary 4 teacher just noticed something wrong. When she spoke to my mum after it all happened my mum was crying as she felt so guilty. The wee ringleader was a wee thug and I hope his life is shite.

I always used to leave everything to the school
to sort, and abided by the correct process on how to handle things. Four kids later and the school gets 2 chances to sort it, then I take matters into my own hands.

Speak to the child’s parents calmly and clearly, normally does the trick.

Hope you get it sorted.

Getting it right for every child! GIRFEC! Pah!

Bullying in Scottish Primary schools is palmed under the carpet.

So sorry to hear of the bullying. It sound really violent. I would email the head teacher and if you have no joy copy in the local council, you could also raise concerns with your local MP/MSP that the school is ignoring violent bullying.

P1 children should not be physically assaulted. Poor soul, how to put them off school for life!

In Scotland now, it is increasingly difficult to exclude children.

My LA does not allow permanent exclusions and - to paraphrase Educating Rita - you practically need to bugger the bursar in order to get a short temporary exclusion.

The best that you can do as a school is to make life so awkward that the parent agrees to a whole school transfer in order to move the problem child elsewhere.

As a parent, you need to make life as difficult as possible for the LA.

My reading of the OP is that, while there has been one truly awful assault, this has been preceded by several more minor assaults - the pushing. If these minor assaults had been addressed, the most serious assault might not have happened.

The age of the perpetrator is immaterial so far as the victim and her family are concerned. [Very relevant with regard to how the police would view matters, I agree. Children under the age of 16 here are dealt with by the Children's Panel. The Panel can deal with children who are in danger, who are out of control or both.]

If the school and/or the LA focus on the age of the perpetrator, the victim's parent needs to be assertive and to point out that their concern is to keep the victim safe. It's not good enough for them to say "What can we do...?" They have a duty of care to their pupils and should state in writing what they intend to do in order to keep the victim safe in the future.

Similarly, if the school says "...but she has a terrible home life..." Not. Your. Problem. However, if the school stupidly does this and unwisely tries to downplay the behaviour as a "trauma response" ["stupidly" because this is privileged information] then the victim's parent might point out that the school has a duty to inform the authorities that the bully is out of control.

NB Sometimes a school will go down the road of suggesting a separate playtime for the victim and/or a later start time and earlier dismissal in order to keep them away from the bully.

This is unacceptable. If you have a separate playtime, you are being deprived of interaction with your peers. If you come to school later and leave earlier, you are being deprived of part of your education and of interaction with your peers.

If the school says "But what about the rights of [the bully]?" that is not the problem of the victim's parent.

The victim's parent needs to know what the school [and by extension the LA] are doing to safeguard their child. This might be of interest: https://education.gov.scot/media/uzdfwccr/es-safeguarding-and-child-protection-policy-aug-24.pdf

Just to add that if I were the victim's parent I'd want to check with a dentist as to whether the damage done might impact on permanent teeth as they grow in. Remember to take photographs of the injuries.

Also, is the child currently experiencing difficulty with eating or speaking because of the damage?

If the child is going to need future dental treatment, I'd say that the LA might be liable if their agent - the school - was already aware of the 'minor' assaults and failed to deal with them. No, I'm not a legal expert - but there are plenty of solicitors who offer a free half-hour consultation. (They're ambulance chasers to an extent, but Thomson's would be an example.)

It would be impossible to sue the bully's parents, but the LA is a different matter.

I know of very few cases where parents have resorted to calling on the services of a solicitor, but I can say that S.L.T.s are frightened of the prospect of parents doing so.

I hope that the above makes sense. It's late and my sentences may be less than coherent.

I'm also enraged by the harm done to the OP's daughter. When I was a bit older than her, another child damaged my adult front teeth as they were just coming in. I needed extensive dental treatment as a result.

We had a pretty hideous experience when we tried speaking to the other parent so I can't easily recommend that. But if you know the family and would be comfortable about it, it might be worth a shot.

I found the best response by going straight to the head teacher and insisting on a meeting with whoever is their wellbeing person - they might call it something else. They did try to give me the option of MY daughter sitting in the nurture room for break times but we shut that down quickly. Absolutely not your child's responsibility to adjust to this.

This is shocking. I've known toddlers to slap each other and squabble but this is really horrible stuff and the children are old enough to know better. Makes you wonder who that little girl will grow up to become.

Someone knocked a tooth out of her head. Can you imagine if someone made a thread saying their husband did this? So now every time she smiles she has a missing tooth and a constant reminder and her other teeth might start drifting and end up growing all wonky because of the bullying child.

If she has a terrible home life, why is she still there? If the School knows she has a terrible home life and don't get Social Services involved they can get in trouble for that

I was about to say that you're a bit naive, but you - to be fair - if you've never worked in a school you're probably not aware of how things often work these days.

We would report matters to SS when I was a middle manager and would be told "The best place for the child is with its family."

If the situation at home is currently "terrible" the child shouldn't be at home and if it was really that bad at that age then School wouldn't know about it.

For a five year old to have a terrible home life the parents would need to disclose that. If the parents are emotionally abusive, physically beating the child or are sexually abusing the child they're not going to confide that in the child's teacher.

So now the school doesn't know about it, according to you; therefore your first post is irrelevant.

This is an old thread and I have no intention of wasting any more time engaging with you.