How do you deal with your child being bullied?

[Ellou2010]

13 year old daughter been absent from school since December 24, I work in her school. She’s currently in the process of being diagnosed autistic, she’s kind and beautiful and doesn’t hold any hate towards anyone who’s mean to her but it literally eats me up inside. She’s active on social media often gets laughing emojis from ex school friends, been told by other kids and overheard people describing her as ugly and annoying. She acts like she doesn’t care what they say but it makes me so sad and so angry! I remember being bullied around her age and how it made me feel but never asked my mum how it made her feel. Genuinely thought this new generation would be different and wouldn’t support bullying but apparently I was wrong. I want to pull them all up individually and ask them what they get from being so mean to her but can’t because of my job. How do you cope with the feeling of your child being bullied? How do you protect them?

Almost everyone I know gets some grief off social media if they are in the public domain. It's the ideal forum for the creeps and ghastlies to have their fun. It sort of goes with the territory.

Your dd could limit her audience to family and friends. Is she absent from school because of the bullying? What are the school doing to help her return?

Sadly this happened to me and I ended up dropping out at fifteen. No advice just wanted to offer a handhold.

I was horrifically bullied right through secondary school, pushed down stairs, beat up, had my belongings damaged or stolen. My parents complained to school many times but it just made it worse, I started wagging school, didn't do half as well as I should have in my exams, I was a target all the time even though I tried to blend in & become invisible. It affected my mental health, I've been on antidepressants since I was 17, I'm 59 now & it still affects me now, made me into a loner, I don't trust anyone, I still have flashbacks & nightmares. I was finally diagnosed with autism age 53 & going through process to get assessed for ADHD at the moment.

unfortunately the only solution is to take her off social media, she will be much happier then

So sorry to hear this has happened to your DD, she sounds like a lovely girl. It’s heartbreaking as a parent to see this. We are in a similar position with our 13 DS. He has removed himself from all social media - he only has snapchat but we monitor it closely…it lets us see who he is speaking to by using family centre. It shows who he’s been chatting to in the past week and any groups he is in….its been a godsend as if he seems quiet we can then gently probe who has contacted him and what has been said. He has one good friend who he spends time with but he’s cut off socially from the rest. We just encourage him to do some form of exercise daily to boost his happy endorphins, signed him up to the gym to let off steam, and encourage all his other clubs and we have a lot of family time. we give him some alone time in his room but we always encourage him to come and sit with us and interact. DS also uses the classic line of ‘I don’t care’ but you know they do. We have just emailed the school documenting every encounter with these boys and what has happened and stated we won’t accept it this year. All you can do is support her and hope it settles and these girls get bored and leave her alone. I hope she is ok it’s awful, I wish these children understood the impact they are having when they bully. x

Thanks so much for this. When I say she’s on social media she has limited access and all is monitored, it’s not even obvious nasty messages that are sent though, it’s emojis and the like but these are from ‘friends’ people she’s know for years.

most of the bullying happened in school or her 2 best friends kind of suggest mean things are still being said, or I hear them personally! It’s just frustrating because I would like to think this new generation are better than being bullies but clearly not!

hope your boy is ok x x

that’s the worst isn’t it, when you know they are doing it but it’s very discreet with emojis and likes. I know it’s beyond frustrating, you sound like you are handling it all in the best way though and hopefully it all settles soon ❤️

Kind of but lots of other factors. She’s struggled with the whole idea of school since she was about 8. I ended up de registering because it was destroying her mental health and we were getting threatened with fines etc.

were in the process of getting her a place in a specialist MH school.

her socials are limited and only her school friends who she’s know for years on there but think because she’s no longer there she’s an easy target to make them look better. I try to encourage her off of socials but it’s literally her only connection to anyone because she isn’t in school and doesn’t leave the house.

So she has limited socials and all monitored but because she isn’t in school and doesn’t leave the house at all at the moment it’s her only connection to ‘friends’. Reluctant to remove it completely because she’ll literally have no contact with anyone anymore!

it’s not even nasty messages or anything of that sort it’s emojis and very sly things. I genuinely think she doesn’t even notice but I do and it’s sad x x

Bless you that’s so awful! I had exactly the same. I also turned to anti depressants but had some trauma 3 years ago that in a weird way made me completely re think everything and now I literally don’t care about what others think or say about me or past or present. When it comes to my kids though it’s another story! My eldest is what back in my school days would be classed as ‘popular’ so no issues with him at all.

thankfully nothing physical with my daughter and all very sly and underhand but still damaging! I’ve taken her out of school because I don’t want her to suffer for years to come.

hope you are ok and get the support you need with your diagnosis’ x x

So awful for you. It shouldn’t be this way at all! Bullies are the worst kind of people!

we’re on a list now for funding for a specialist MH school so hopefully she gets in and the people there are kinder x x