Gossip and Lies

[Trustwasbroken]

I was working in a company, and a man I had to work with directly (he was 54, I was 25) basically approached me for sex. I said no, but kept what had happened to myself. I had a boyfriend so it was really weird that he even suggested it!

Weeks later, he had spread to the whole company that we had slept together. I guess it was out of spite that I didn't say yes? Or wanted to impress his mates at the company? So people think I cheated with this much older man.

I am autistic, so maybe there's things I didnt pick up on? But no one directly asked me if it was true. Which makes it feel like everyone just thinks it is?

I moved on to my current job, and someone from my old work joined the company and respread the lies he had spouted. Feel like I can't escape this. But again no one has directly asked me, but I know the signs, the weird questions, people treating me differently.

I am a polite, nice person, quiet sometimes, but dont feel I deserve this.

I think you need to report this to your hr department. It’s horrible that a grown man has no respect or dignity and has spread silly lies but he’s damaging your reputation. At the time you should have contacted hr and your manager to report his sexual harassment.

Please speak to your manager now and get their support to stop it impacting your work life.

Thanks for your reply. That workplace was a while ago, and I'm not there anymore.
It spread to my new workplace where he doesnt work.
I want to know what to do in the future if someone from old workplace turns up, they cant help but tell this tale

I know he doesn’t work there but someone from
your old work has joined and is spreading malicious gossip, you can still report this to Hr and get advice from them.

Yes, I guess I'd like advice on an "if I'm out and about and someone who I think knows me and starts looking at me funny, what do I say to them" type of thing, as I am concerned its going to keep cropping up

If you are asked a question in future, you could politely say - what makes you ask that? And see what response you get. For where you are now, you could approach HR and let them know what has happened and that it has b made you feel uncomfortable. You don’t have to let them know the lie - because you’re not supposed to be in on it if that makes sense. Good luck

Thanks, yes you summed up why its so hard, but I do know now what is being said sort of (after 2 workplaces).
I feel like people just assume rumours are true, but maybe my assumptions are unfair. I dont want to work with people who assume the worst things are true.
I thought I came across nicely so it makes you second guess that

I think rumours offer an element of paranoia- naturally. Give it time and I am quite sure your loveliness will shine through and top trump any silly lies that have been spoken about you. Try your best not to let it consume you. People forget gossip and move onto the next lot. It will have been momentary for everyone else despite lingering for you.