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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

Feel a bit sad

2 replies

Maggie575 · 21/06/2025 13:05

Hi, my son has been bullied about his weight by some boys in his class, one in particular. I’ve been into school and tried my best to get it dealt with. It’s been a tremendously upsetting time my son, and of course me as his Mother.

I have confided everything to a close friend, whose son is also in the same class. She knows how upset I am and how horrible this child has been to my child. Her son has reported some of the bullying behaviour by this child back to his Mum (my friend).

My problem is that she organises play dates for her son and the child who had been bullying my child. I find this so upsetting, especially as she knows everything that has gone on. I don’t know what to do, it’s really eating me up.
I can’t tell anyone else about, which is why I am here. Please be kind, it’s been a really tough time and I just feel like she’s laughing at me by excluding my son and inviting the child who has caused the trouble. Am I overreacting? I just feel like crap and so sad for my boy.

Thank you

OP posts:
RightSaidFrederica · 21/06/2025 21:48

I think you need to separate your friendships from your children’s friendships.

I’d hope that, as a decent person, your friend talks to her DC about how the bully isn’t being nice as it comes up. But ending playdats is a big step, and something I’d only personally do for proper cruelty not occasional name calling (it’s not clear where in that spectrum this lies).

You say that your son is being excluded. If they’re older than 6ish, then I don’t think it’s fair to try to force a friendship between the kids just because the adults get on. Reframe it, as ‘he’s not excluded, they’re just not buddies in the way me and DFriend are’.

It must be very upsetting, but I’m not sure that your friend is doing anything wrong.

81Claire81 · 21/06/2025 22:02

I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this. It’s completely understandable to feel hurt, upset, and even betrayed in this situation. You are absolutely not overreacting—your feelings are valid, and any parent would be deeply affected by seeing their child in pain, especially when it feels like someone close to you isn’t supporting you in the way you hoped.
You’ve done the right thing by going to the school and advocating for your son. That takes real courage and strength, especially when emotions are running high. It’s clear how much you care and how hard you’re trying to protect and support your child.

It’s also completely normal to feel let down by your friend’s choices. When we confide in someone, especially about something so sensitive, we hope they’ll be mindful of our feelings. It can feel like a real blow when their actions don’t match our expectations. Remember, though, that people sometimes make decisions without fully understanding their impact, or they may struggle with their own boundaries and relationships.

If you feel able, it might help to gently share with your friend how you’re feeling—not to accuse, but just to let her know how much this hurts you. Sometimes people need things spelled out to realise the weight of their actions. But only do this if you feel safe and comfortable; your emotional wellbeing matters, too.

Most importantly, please be kind to yourself. You’re doing your very best in a really tough situation. Your son is lucky to have such a loving, protective, and caring mum in his corner. None of this is your fault, and you’re not alone—many parents have felt just as lost and heartbroken in similar situations.

If you ever need to talk more, vent, or just have someone listen, please know that reaching out for support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Take care of yourself as you care for your son. Things can and do get better, even if it takes time. You’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t always feel that way right now.

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