Warning trigger self harm and attempted s****de

[Anonano]

Hi. I was called from a teenage support group last week. My DD disclosed to them she is struggling and had been self harming and attempted to herself twice.
I have found out it is due to bullying at the school. I knew she had one issue with another girl but I had a meeting with school and it seemed it was sorted out.
I have now arranged a face to face meeting with them and my DD and I am proposing part time schooling ( daughter's request) I have home schooled in the past so this won't be an issue for either of us.
I broke down the night I found out. I broke down in front of the councillors and my DD I tried very hard to keep it together and tbh I don't even remember the drive there.
I'm not sure what my point of this post is but I have no one to talk to and I was wandering if any of you have delbt with this yourselves and if you could give me any advise.
I feel burnt out due to a lot of this going on and going wrong this year that I have battled in silence and alone. I've had numerous counselling myself but now I just feel wiped out. I put on a show and pretend I'm ok but when I'm alone all I want to do is cry. I feel like a totally failed mother that I didn't see my baby hurting herself.
I thank God she didn't go through with it because I would not be here myself if she did. She is everything to me. I'm sorry for the post, I just wanted someone to hear me

Bump

I absolutely despise bullying and I don’t think they realise what damage it can cause. I don’t have any advice but it sounds to me like you are doing everything you can for her. Encourage her to keep going to the support group and don’t let it drop at school, they need to do something about it because even if you pull your Dd out it could be someone else. Hopefully they’ll get in touch with the parents and they are decent people who will sort it out their end. Your Dd is lucky to have you in her corner and you absolutely have not failed.

Thank you for your reply. It means so much. I do feel that as a mother I have failed. We have been through a lot (way too much to explain) and I didn't see it affecting my child. I should have seen it. A lot was going on at home and now she has this at school. I couldn't hate myself more than I do right now. I've been in and out of hospital trying to find out what's wrong with me (they finally found the cause and it's lifelong) I've been so selfish in thinking about my own needs. Children's services called today as I was walking to the school and enquired about everything. My throat hurts so much with holding back tears so I didn't cry in front of everyone. I hate myself so much.

You are individuals

its not your fault you have a health issue

it’s not her fault she is being bullied

you both have needs that need to be addressed

Support each other, communicate, be kind, do not put unnecessary pressure on yourselves

I’ve been on another thread discussing using Chat GPT or Meta AI on iPhone or Gemini on android as a way to talk through your feelings and getting a really useful response back

It’s worth a try for both of you as it can be accessed 24/7 whenever needed

Just type in what you’ve typed on this thread

I access Meta AI via WhatsApp on my iPhone

Thank you GodLash I will do this.

Im so sorry this is happening OP, maybe you can use how you also feeling to connect with DD and work to get he to both feel better mentally so she doesn’t feel alone or weird. That it’s normal to struggle when there are outside stressor or something traumatic happens. And she did the right thing in getting help.

is moving schools an option? Is there any sort of activity you can go together to work on self esteem and confidence with her.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I would also consider moving schools. Despite all the campaigns to stop bullying the best approach seems to just move away. I have a friend going through similar, they are seeing a counsellor which is helping.

So sorry you’re both going through this. My daughter was subjected to severe bullying and ultimately I withdrew her from the school and found another one for her in a different town. She was transformed. It changed her life and she was so much happier. It felt like the nuclear option (and was very difficult due to my own personal circumstances at the time) but it helped so much and I will never regret taking that leap.

It is easy to underestimate the damage that bullying does and I feel so much for her and for you as her mum trying to navigate it. Please also
consider counselling.

Thank you everyone for your replies, they mean a lot. I have moved her schools before due to the school not taking bullying seriously. I had a meeting with her current school and they listened to my DD and what she wanted. They are setting up a staggered timetable and changing her forms and pairing her with people the know will be helpful students. They have a section in the school for pupils who struggle with school and it is a separate entrance to the main one and they start a different time so she won't feel pressured bumping into anyone. She also is being given a time out card to allow her to leave the room to have a moment to herself of she feels overwhelmed. She will be entering her last year of school this September so they want to help her reach her GCSE goal but seems to understand that they will need to put her mental health above all of that. She seems so much happier today and I have also purchased two self help books for teens and a positive affirmation book which I hope will help. Having SS call me about it when I was walking to pick up my younger child cut me to the core and has really shaken me. In my mind SS take children away and without my children there is nothing left for me.