TL;DR: My daughter was bullied for 2 years, reached the point of suicidal thoughts and self-harm. She finally stood up to her bullies this year - the school took robust action, most kids involved have apologized, and the main bullies have lost their power over how others treat her. There is light at the end of the tunnel - hang in there.
My daughter is 13 now (Year 8) and since the end of Year 6 she has been bullied by 2 girls and their wider group of friends. It was particularly bad at the start of Year 7 when they unfortunately ended up in the same class at secondary school. By October half term of Year 7, she was in despair and talking about suicide. She was terrified of school intervention because it had made the bullying worse in primary school, but the school agreed to move her to a different class. Things improved somewhat after that Christmas, though she went through a period of self-harm and further suicidal thoughts. She received therapy through school, and we worked on building her resilience and friendship group outside of school (mainly through a sports club). Things had been relatively quiet for the past few months.
At the start of this year, she was asked out by a boy in the year above and they started dating. I did wonder if this might catch the attention of her bullies but I didn't say anything as I didn't want to worry her... A few weekends ago, one of these girls saw my dd and her boyfriend together and took some photos of them which were then widely circulated via WhatsApp - my daugter was sent some screen shots where they were talking about her.
She was devastated, embarrassed to have the photos circulating and hurt by the mean things they were saying. We talked it through, I reminded her that she is much stronger than she was when this all started, she has a secure group of friends and I believed she could weather this storm. She decided that she wanted the school to get involved so we emailed in the screenshots and the photos she had been sent.
The school have responded brilliantly, they confiscated the phones of the children who we could see had shared the photos and commented, and from that they were able to see everyone who was involved and they looked through their phones too. They saw far more than we had known about but when the head called me later she said it "painted a very clear picture".
The majority of the children who have been involved over the past couple of years have taken the opportunity to apologise and have said they recognise the role they have played and why it was wrong. She has also had apologies and messages of support from children who knew what was happening but said nothing. The 2 main girls continue to ignore my dd but it feels to us and to the school that they no longer have the power to influence how she is treated by others.
The past couple of weeks have been a breath of fresh air, and we've talked a lot about how we got here. Although there have been times that were horrific - when I would come home from work wondering if today was the day I'd find her dead in the bathroom - we can now see there have also been some unexpected positives:
- She and I are very close now. She knows she can trust me, rely on me, and that I will fight her corner when she needs me to. She can tell me what's on her mind and knows I won't overreact or not take her seriously.
- I've learned more about how to communicate with her, how to support her, when to push her and when to back off.
- She has learned what true friendship looks like and how to be a good friend, but also how to choose friends more carefully.
The school have commended her for her courage and resilience. I am so proud of her and how far she has come over the past 2 years.
I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone, ever, but we are both able to recognize that it has come with some valuable life lessons which we are, surprisingly, grateful for.
To anyone out there who has a child in the middle of this, please hang on in there. I never expected to see my daughter stand up for herself the way she has, or for it to have such an impact, but it was absolutely worth waiting for.