Child scared to attend school

[Pootlefox]

My daughter is in year 9 and has been bullied on and off since starting high school. She was recently physically attacked and we had to contact the police. ( N.B the school didn't bother). The school have been ineffective in their 'punishments' a couple of days internal exclusion...which were not attended , the bullying has escalated with more kids - friends of the original assailant joining in, telling lies, blaming my daughter for literally anything and everything , telling people they cannot be her friend. She is now scared to go in and a nervous wreck. Having panic attacks and her anxiety is through the roof. The school have refused a partial return to let her try to cope a couple of hours at a time. I am not sure where we go from here. There are no alternative schools nearby, we cannot afford to move. We are considering home schooling her through GCSEs but don't know where to start. Any advice from anybody who has been through this would be gratefully received as we are at our wits end. It is worth mentioning that there are several others at the same school in this situation. The school cannot handle bullying and always try to sweep it under the carpet.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. When the school failed us we homeschooled (from 10-16) and dd did 8 GCSE’s at home and did very well. Our first step was finding a home ed group where dd had done gcse tutoring and who arranged the exam centre. Are did two hours a week tutored per subject and 6 hours self study. But we staggered them from taking 2-3 a year in one year courses from age 12.

You can also use an online service like this one https://wolseyhalloxford.org.uk/

i would try and get the school to sort out the bullies first though as homeschooling is a huge commitment.

Thank you so much for this. The school have taken days to react to the latest incident. But they always seem to side with the bullies or at least make you feel like your child created the situation in some way...even though they must realise they are being fed a pile of rot. There have been several children removed for their safety. So I am not holding my breath on them bothering to resolve anything. In the meantime they are holding my childs absence over our heads like we are in the wrong.

Thanks so much for the link. My child is very studious and has estimated 9s across the board...I suspect this is why she is bullied. So I am not worried about her coping so much as us as parents getting her the correct access to homeschooling that allows her to achieve her potential. We just don't want to fail her. Right now I feel we are as we are lost with no support.
It sounds like you have gone above and beyond to support your DD , utmost respect to you. As homeschooling looks to be a huge challenge.

I think if she’s predicted 9s she will do well at home with tutors. Please do dm if you go this route and want more advice. The main thing is getting her out of that awful situation to safety. Trust your instincts. I only wish I’d acted sooner. Sending you solidarity and hope for the future, my dd is now a happy, confident sixth former doing really well.

God your poor child. I’m so sorry.

How any school could not deal with this is beyond me. Imagine if a child was going to school and reporting they were too scared to go home as they were being bullied and physically assaulted at home. Social services would be called and said child would be on a child protection plan! It’s infuriating when it’s the other way around and it’s ignored.

I home educate my children (am an ex teacher too) and my advice would be to get her the hell out of there. There are ways and means of doing GCSEs outside of school. It’s just a case of researching them. And they only need to do a few, just enough to get to the next stage ie college. But either way no amount of examinations is worth that shit.

Thank you both for your support. Right now I really needed to hear some positives and you have relieved my anxiety somewhat over homeschooling.

I am going to spend the weekend researching to see options - particularly for where she can sit GCSEs within travelling distance.

You are right. I need to trust my gut on this. History regarding other incidents at this school makes me very worried.

The police said, had it happened outside of school they would have greater powers. But on the school site it is controlled by the school unless it is GBH or worse.
I felt for the officer as he clearly wanted to do more to help.

What a crazy situation. Just because it’s in a school they can’t do anything?!

I suggest you join the FB group HEFA (home education for all) and also have a look at the work of Dr Naomi Fisher and her Not Fine In School website.

Finally there are loads of online GCSE courses and iGCSE courses too so have a look at those too.

all the very best, follow your instincts and you can’t go wrong ❤️

I'm so sorry your DD is going through this.

Rest assured that if you home educate her, you won't be failing her. You sound determined to seek out the necessary resources, and you say she is quite studious. Your daughter will probably get better academic results than she would if she were at school, as she can work at her own pace rather than sitting through lessons where the teacher is going over things she already understands. Because of this, she'll have more time on her hands. Some home educated kids use this time to go into their preferred subjects in greater depth, working on independent projects, doing undergraduate courses with Open University, or pursuing a range of other non-academic interests.

I suggest contacting local home educating families to learn more about what's available in your area. You will also be able to seek out opportunities yourself; however, you may be reassured to find some of what you need is readily available because other parents have already organised it. For example, there may be social groups which your DD would enjoy, or in person tutor-led GCSE groups.

Most local home education groups are on Facebook these days. To find them, go to the FB search bar and type into it "home education" followed by the name of your city, county, or nearest big city. If you have any trouble finding one, just post on the Mumsnet home ed board and I'm sure someone will be able to help.

The police went out and spoke to the child & parents. Did the 'actions have consequences' lecture. Pushed for a letter of apology. The most insincere (and clearly drafted by the parent) letter I have ever read. She admitted it to the police.
That was it - all they could do. But is is recorded against her name if she offends again. She was told to keep away and hasn't. If it had happened outside of school they would have had more powers.
Her reaction to police was 'I don't care' there is no accountability at all. Another teacher ( different school ) said if she had hit a member of staff she would have been expelled. This upset my daughter so much as she feels her life is worth less than a teachers.
I have spent the day on research , calling teachers from other schools for advice and trying to put a plan in place. But it is draining when I am not working on this I am comforting my child who is just feeling lost and devastated.
The support from everybody on here really means so much as we feel isolated as parents.

I just wanted everyone who has offered advice and support to know that today, after much emailing and many, many calls & meetings, the local council have agreed to provide transport to another school a considerable distance away as we are rural.
Our DD has a place assured and after Easter she will transfer.
I burst out crying with relief. It just shows the stress that these situations put us parents under. I was literally about to click on the homeschooling site when they called back.
Sadly I know that we won't be the last family in this situation. We ended up talking to our local councillor and requesting support, and if you know of others in this predicament I would strongly advise trying this.
Thanks once again for all the help , because you gave us hope that there was a way out of this mess.

That is great news @Pootlefox you must be so relieved. Well done for advocating for your child.
I hope it all goes well at the new school. Just remember, home education is always a safety net for you if you ever need it 🧡 (which you hopefully won’t 🙏).