What should next steps be?

[YourWiseBee]

10 year old DS is being bullied by a former friend.

it has overstepped the mark re violence and we did make contact with the school. Also a concern that it wasn’t actually actioned on day as DS did make school aware.

some niggles since but nothing major and son dealing with it ok until today. Another violent incident today, painful enough to bring tears to his eyes.

we want to make the school aware of the latest incident but don’t want it actioned (we don’t see the point and it will only bring more bullying to DS).

just wondering if any of you wise women have any suggestions on how we should handle it?

they were friends for years but he is turning into a wee shit and my DS is not interested. I can’t help but be proud at his maturity of realising that his (former) best friend is not really someone he wants to be friends with now and trying to distance himself. It’s the saying no or standing up to him that tends to bring the reaction of hitting or kicking etc. I don’t believe there is any other reason there but annoyance at another child saying no.

its clear the school action hasn’t worked, it’s clear the measure they put in place aren’t working.

just want tips on how to proceed I guess. I have told him to push back if he thinks it’s needed but never to start anything.

i do want to push the school to supervise and actually see what is happening.

i am considering approaching the parent but i am not convinced that will actually help.

i just need something that can get us through the next 17 months or so that won’t damage my lovely, funny, intelligent boy before he will go to a completely different school.

Sorry to hear what DS is going through.
The school should be taking action, although you won't necessarily know what this is. If you think it needs monitoring, let them know that it's still happening and ask them to keep monitoring. If you don't say anything to the school, and DS is not making a fuss, then how will they know it's still an issue?
You can't really tell them not to take any action; the school will judge how best to deal with it. It may well be that there is a history of the boy behaving like that which you are not aware of, or conversely, that there are reasons for his behaviour.
But you can tell them that you are worried about reprisals and that maybe a whole class chat ( or several chats) about bullying generally might be appropriate.
I'd strongly advise against speaking directly to the parents, I have never ever known that to end well, in 30 years of parenting and 15 of teaching! Speak to the teacher, and if you don't get support, then take it to the Head.
School can help by keeping a close eye and stepping in at an early stage to prevent things from escalating, and by making sure that they are not sat close together. Maybe they can encourage other friendships. They do have a duty to keep your son safe, so if he is being physically attacked you need to let them know every time, and make sure your son knows to to speak to the adults around him as well.
Are there lunchtime clubs he can join so that he is in a smaller group of children who are being supervised? Could he be sent to help younger children at playtime( maybe in a different playground or at a different time,) maybe with another friend? The school needs to be creative in supporting your son and making sure that his self-esteem is not affected. You need an ongoing dialogue with them to make sure this is happening.

Thanks for you response. Really appreciated. There is a discrete way of him informing the teacher if there is something wrong. He tried that yesterday morning but unfortunately it’s too discrete. We will raise that with the teacher on Monday morning. It’s not really her fault. Class size is over 30 and she is on her own most of the time. She was then away from the class for a while in afternoon. Child who hit my son got rewarded for his good behaviour that week!

He does try and remove himself from the situation. At lunch he wanted to play football but as soon as he realised this boy was there, went and did something else. The bully later followed him and pestered him (not violently this time).

But my son wants to play football and he wants to play with his friends. Why should he have to go and do something else when he is doing nothing g wrong.

i know the advice you have given is good but it angers me so much that the bullies always seem to win.

we will speak to the school on Monday. He can’t get away with it.

Son also made school aware at other recent instance (not the 1st one though but he didn’t report them). Nothing was done (seemed to slip through the cracks with other priorities) which is why we were the ones who had to report it to school.