What was this that happened to me at school?

[ifeelsobad]

I went to secondary school from 1992-1999.

My male cousin was also at this school.

When I was about 14 I ended up for a week or so having a boyfriend my cousin's friend. Nothing really happened he was cruel to me, he didn't want anyone to know about us. He would meet me at school in thr playground after school and just masturbated against me. This happened once or twice and then it 'ended'. Soon after this there were letters, graffiti , rumours being written, passed around school that I was sleeping with my own cousin, calling me a slut, slag etc.

A friend who was really concerned for me said she'd help me find out who it is, I confided in her as to how distressing this all was, I was scared of my parents finding out as I came from a strict family.

Well you know what's coming - this friend fancied that boy and she was the one responsible for all the notes. The rumours etc, the damage was done in the small community.

Was this bullying? It still affects me now the unfairness of it all. Thank you

Not only bullying, but slander and libel as well. These days, something like that would be a police matter, and they would take it seriously.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Sounds like horrendous bullying from the friend and emotional abuse and sexual assault from the “boyfriend”. What an awful experience for you, with long-lasting effects. It’s easy as an adult to understand a situation more clearly and think that you could or should have handled things differently, but you were a young teenager, dealing with a particularly nasty situation.

The only comfort I can offer, is that if that was the behaviour your friend and boyfriend took pleasure in acting out, it’s pretty much definite that they were going through undeniable pain of some-sort themselves and while you have no blame as the victim, they have to live their lives knowing that they’ve done this.

Thank you. I have been sitting in hospital after a gynae procedure and for whatever reason I was taken back to this time. I couldn't speak to anyone as I'm from a strict family. Having a boyfriend was not allowed. This guy was also from a religious family (more than mine).

It was an awful thing to deal with at school and I have never really spoken about it. One for the therapist. More 13 year old me!

I think he was year 10 I was year 9 so maybe 14

You know now thinking back further on it, he might have been in on it? I don't know. I can't really speak to my cousin about it now.

Not my cousin the boyfriend.

That kind of stuff was pretty commonplace when I was at school in the 90s.

You were sexually harmed and this 100% would attract a safeguarding response today.

@Pamelaaaaarrr I wasn't really aware of anything that happened to others but this was my experience. God forbid anything similar happened to my kids. We used to hang around school a lot even in the evenings under the pretence of doing work (cos we got no freedom at school ). My kids come home generally after activities.

@Wallacewhite I wish now I had spoken up. I'd also been sexually assaulted by a man when I was 6. Had a messed up life at home. I think I couldn't believe someone fancied me. Bizarrely this guy's brother groped me at university (he ended up at my uni). It was so painful I remember it clearly.

I mean the style of bullying aspect. I know I was on the receiving end of it, as were friends.

From your additional posts, you’ve had several incidents of sexual assault in your life. No wonder there are things you find triggering. I’d suggest counselling, or support of some kind, might help you work through this. Times have changed and it’s widely accepted that things that happen in the past (and childhood) can carry through to adulthood. This is clearly playing on your mind and is worth exploring.

Having genicological procedure is too vulnerable for you after all you have been through. I hope you find the support you need, without being victimised and labelled mentally unwell. Ref: Dr Jessica Taylor

Yes I've also recently posted about my marriage. I do have therapy.

The anaesthetist who did the procedure today was from my home town about two years old. Of the same heritage as the 'boyfriend'. I wonder if that was triggering. Also he was male.

I was very anxious going into the procedure today. I was tearful going into the operating theatre. I was very subdued and worried.