Boy in DS class (Year 4)

[emmajane92]

Ever since reception class, a boy in my DS class has been winding him up with regular name calling. It's never been physical. My DS is a brown belt in karate so knows exactly what to do if the boy ever turns physical ;) But its the name calling and pestering that is winding my DS up. In reception it was a racist slur (my DS is of mixed race). The kid said "I'm not playing with you because you're brown and I don't like brown people". This was promptly dealt with by the school and I was pleased that they took it so seriously.
Fast forward to Year 4, this kid is still at it with the name calling. I sense he's jealous of my DS (for reasons that would be too outing to mention here). My DS comes from a very priveleged background but I don't think other kids does. I sense he has a lot of resentment towards my DS, although my DS knows not to flash his good fortune etc around children who are less fortunate.
Yesterday, this kid asked my DS at school "are you invited to so and so's birthday party?" to which my DS replied "no" (it's not a kid he plays with anyway, so all good there). The nasty kids then replied "good, you're a pr**k".
This morning at the school gates, I urged my DS to stand up for himself to this kid, but he's reluctant to use his karate skills at school...I find it so frustrating that this has been ongoing since reception class. I've previously had to contact school to ask that this situation be monitored and DS be kept apart from this kid. All goes quiet and DS then says they've made friends again, but then kid always seems to revert to his nasty ways.
How do I address this with school without appearing to be "that" mum?

Your son should absolutely not be using his karate skills in school unless he genuinely needs to physically defend himself. He will just end up in trouble when he doesn’t need to.
Give your son a notebook. In it, tell him to document every single detail, every time this boy starts on him. You then take that to the Head and his teacher.

So as an adult you want your child to react to name calling with trained physical violence?

You are that mum. Talk to the school and do not ever encourage your child to commit assault.

I’ve recommended this book approximately a million times. Ds found it invaluable in similar circumstances

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bullies-Bigmouths-So-Called-Friends-Alexander/dp/0340911840/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1QQM226Y11LV4&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.nWwoyV0khN6m0ZRX8x8EnVCllw2HRBqIZsHCQ-cx0NbGjHj071QN20LucGBJIEps.J1wpr2L_tasBe77NkFF36BWSK8iheWzKbkdzmYVPtGs&dib_tag=se&keywords=Bullies%2C+bigmouths+and&nsdOptOutParam=true&qid=1730971588&sprefix=bullies+bigmouths+and+%2Caps%2C79&sr=8-1

When you have been in before then it has stopped? Not sure why you aren’t going in again.
I think your advice of physical violence against verbal bullying is poor at best. The whole school will join in the wind up to see if they can set him off again. Your son won’t want another punishment so will hold back and they’ll wind him up even more, or he’ll be dashing about the playground kicking out at people while everyone screams with mirth.
The other kid probably isn’t jealous and it’s not helpful to pretend he is.

Please don't encourage your son to use violence at school in response to verbal bullying. That will only make things much much worse.and turn him into the baddie. I 'm pleased he is rejecting that idea. He sounds more mature than you in that respect.
But bullying doesn't need to be endured. You should talk to the teachers about it. But also you can do things to build up your son's resilience. What is his reaction when this boy swears at him or is horrible?

So while your child has been named called for the last 4 years have you spoken to the school about it? Or have you just let it continue?

Just to clarify, the only reasons I mentioned karate is from my person experience. A bully once started on me at high school (not realising I was a black belt, I was the shy, introverted type who never really talked about it except to closest friends :). Let's just say she was left battered and bruised on the ground. It was all in self-defense, she was the aggressor by tarting on me first. Funnily enough, she never tried it again :) Also stopped picking on the others she had been targeting. No coincidence that the halt to her bullying campaign coincided with when I taught her that lesson on a busy lunchtime on the playgroud, with everyone watching :)

They way you ";)" after saying your child knows exactly what to do because of his karate skills is very telling as is the way you go on about privilege. I feel there is much more to this than meets the eye. Is your son maybe bragging in a way he diwsnt realise is arrogant? Im not victim blaming or anything but given the way you are speaking I feel there is maybe something more underlying. The racial slur is totally out of order, though, and I'm glad the school did something about that.

I feel like you want to relive this experience through your son.

Your y4 son isn’t going to teach the bully a valuable lesson with a display of skilled karate in a junior school playground while everyone stands around in an admiring circle and gasps in awe. This isn’t an American film about a quiet, bookish child with a hidden superpower. He’s going to look ridiculous and get a bollocking too. He may get a suspension and certainly miss playtime. He’ll be inside while the bully gets to show off about what a massive rise he got out of him. You need to put this fantasy to bed, have a proper conversation with the school that doesn’t involve you telling them how marvellous your privileged son is, and teach your son how to deal with this in a way that de-escalates it rather that sticks a sign on him declaring “wind me up - watch me go!”

So you are proud you assaulted a person? Violence is never acceptable ever.

If I knew a child with training assaulted another would it to their dojo.