Friend has turned on her

[Fizzy90]

My daughter aged 8, has always been close to another girl since nursery.
But since just before the summer holidays.
She has told me that the girl has been completely ignoring her. Whenever my daughter tries to talk to her she rolls her eyes or gives a sarcastic comment.
I’ve asked her if they’ve ever had a falling out and she’s adamant they haven’t.
I mentioned it to her last teacher before the term ended that said girl has surprisingly been mean to her. Leaving her out on play time etc.
My dd has told me tonight, she tries to talk to her by saying hello or telling her she likes her hair etc just to get looked at by her like dirt.
I have told her, she isn’t the only other little girl there so make friends with other children.
She has taken my advice, but whenever she manages to make a friend this girl notices and takes her friends away from her.
She has asked to play, to get told by her no you can’t.
Leaving her with nobody to play with.
I am fine with this girl not wanting to be her friend anymore, but I am starting to wonder if this is borderline bullying?
I don’t know if it’s a factor, or if they can notice it at this age but I take pride in making my daughter look presentable, well groomed and clean and this other girl is well, the opposite. The family have more money than me but I think their priorities are different.
I don’t know if it’s jealousy or just that she’s decided to bully my daughter for no obvious other reasons.

I didn't want to read and run...
My daughter is early teens and girls are still doing this! But as ur daughter is 8 I'd speak to the school again.I would ask them to keep an eye out esp at breaktimes. My advice ....it will really knock her confidence so keep pointing her lovely attributes she has...arrange play dates with other children to establish other friendships. Listen and be there. Tell her to put her energy into friends that are kind to her. And biggest thing I tell my daughter try not to let it get to her, they will do it even more because they want the power.

How is this girl taking her friends?

Yes it sounds like bullying. I would make the teacher aware of the behaviour and ask for them to be kept separate if possible.

Advise your daughter to keep away from her and to stop trying to be friends as we keep away from people who treat us badly. It doesn't matter why she's doing it, the fact is she's being horrible to your daughter.

If it keeps happening then look into the school's bullying policy and follow it.

I’m sorry your daughter is going through this. I would say it’s lack of self esteem/jealousy on the other girls part which is unfortunately so common in so many girls these days - they aren’t happy in themselves so like to bring others down by being nasty. I have two daughters and they have both experienced something similar in primary and high school. In primary my daughter always had friends around her though but it sounds like your daughter is finding herself alone which is heartbreaking. I would tell my daughter this girl was just jealous and tell her reasons why so that her self esteem was boosted. It was reported to the school and the teachers kept an eye out, they knew who the problem was as they witnessed with their own eyes. If your daughter does make other friends then encourage play dates at home so their friendship can hopefully be secured. You wouldn’t believe it of a primary school aged child but I believe it all started because a little lad had a big soft spot for my daughter and this little girl fancied him and of course didn’t like it that his sights were set on someone else and there the vendetta started!
I really hope things settle down and improve for your little girl

If she is being mean that needs to be addressed and yes speak to the teacher but your dd needs to move on from her

The teacher should handle meaness/bullying but the teacher is not a friend manager

The friend cannot be forced to be friends with your dd and it is up to your daughter to move on

No one can steal friends, and do not be drawn into managing her friends life does not work that way, there is helping her manage and there is overstepping

I do not believe in managing her friend group, and as I stated I encourage her to be friends with others.
I have also said that I do not mind the girl not wanting to be friends with her.
But to treat her badly isn’t something that sits right with me.
Children of that age are fickle and if the other girl is dominant compared to dd, then yes, the child can absolutely encourage the friends she makes to play with her instead and leave her out.

It is bullying and needs dealt with now.

It's sad to read this as my daughter experienced similar, its a type of relational aggression that some children seem particularly good at, and isolating your child by ensuring no-one else befriends her is definitely a form of bullying. I agree with PP to have a conversation with the teachers again as they will be able to implement their anti-bullying policy. I spent time reassuring my daughter as well as other stuff like helping her to look for opportunities to make other friends, and also helping her to see how ridiculous this girls behaviour was but it wasn't easy. I also spoke to the parent too which wasn't necessarily the solution either unfortunately. It gradually stopped in secondary school.

This happens all the time in my DD's class and I don't think you can solve it as such, all you can do is try to arrange play dates with other friends where this girl can't interfere. Encourage friendships with girls from out of school activities too. My DD (year 6) has pretty much had enough of the girls in school, she will usually find someone to hang around with at break times, but her real friendships are forming with girls from other schools with shared interests.

😔Bless her - I don’t think it’s boarder line bullying … I would say it is bullying. As you said, it’s fine to not want to play with or be ‘friends’ with someone but not to intentionally be negative and interrupt new friendships. I would try and encourage your daughter to stop engaging with her and giving her the opportunity to be sarcastic or mean and make school aware again, for sure. Does your daughter attend any after school clubs or extra curricular activities? Could be a good opportunity for her to make new friendships outside of this situation and most importantly build on her self esteem a little.

Sounds really unpleasant for your daughter, bullying is classed by schools as an individual doing something towards an individual ‘several times and on purpose’ sounds like the threshhold is being met if she is repeatedly being a unkind, I would talk to the teacher again and if no luck a member of the senior leadership team if no luck.
No one wants to interfere in friendship groups but girls can be very unpleasant to each other and the consequences of not being your child’s advocate can lead to longer term problems if the girl is repeatedly allowed to single her out as a person to ridicule and exclude

This happened with my son although he was a couple of years older. I was waiting in my local shop to be served in the queue when I spotted my sons bully infront. I called out to him to say hello, all very friendly, I could see he felt it excruciating to speak to me. I very loudedly said that I must meet up with his mum as I hadn't seen her for ages. I'm sure we would have plenty to catch up on. Thankfully the boy found it so embarrassing he avoided my son going forward.

@Fizzy90 I could have written this myself, my daughter is 10 now and it probably started when she just turned 8, as you say there is no expectation for anyone to be friends with my child but it's a very small class and this dominant child would wait until my daughter was playing with someone and then intervene in that so my daughter was isolated, I believe it to be a bullying behaviour. It's an incredibly small class with only about 7 girls and I would still say it causes problems to the extent we have considered moving school. What has helped is having lots of play dates and encouraging new friendships. It's also recently become apparent that my daughter was just the first one for this to happen and since then the other child has gone on to behave like this to some of the others. The mums are all a bit wary and I would say the former friend doesn't seem to get invited to many places. I really hope things improve for your daughter, it's very sad to see them isolated like this.